Random Girl Blog

"Soft-Core Friday" - It's Friday already?

2012-03-09T06:00:00.003-05:00

I have a hard time believing it is already Friday but if you say so than it must be true.

I think this week has been extra grueling as karmic payback for my last weekend. It's insult to the horrendous hangover injury if you ask me. The boss lady was in town for part of the week which meant that I was forced to be in the office and be smiley and smart. I didn't like any of that. But it's part of the gig so I played along and was brilliant of course.

Speaking of brilliant, I started a new gig yesterday. Well, it's an additional gig to my normal day job but I am way more excited about this one than my other, that's for sure! I'm working with an awesome guy at an awesome company doing an awesome job. It's awesome in case you didn't pick up on that. I'm finally excited about my work again! Hooray!

On a not so awesome note, the Princess has some sort of mutant stomach virus kicking her butt right now so I spent most of Thursday holding her hair as she puked and clorox/lysoling/washing in hot water everything in my house. Not fun. But it did make me very thankful that days of sickness are the exception and not the rule for her. I don't know how parents with seriously ill children find the strength to get through it everyday. For real.

I'm hoping that the nausea that I am feeling right now can be blamed on something other than her sharing her cooties with me. Fingers crossed on that one because it would suck to be puking two weekends in a row.

This "Soft-Core Friday" is different from most of my other Friday posts, but there is a good reason for that so hear me out.

I'm sure by now you have all heard/seen something about the Kony 2012 movement. I am usually the first to snub my nose at things that are trending on Twitter or consistently being shared on Facebook but I took the time to actually watch this video and do my homework on the situation. And I am moved by what I have seen and heard. You will be too if you take the 30 minutes to watch this video and then educate yourself on what is going on and why you should care.

Not only is this specific human rights crisis being highlighted, but the power and impact of social media and a small, dedicated group of people are actually effecting real change and altering the course of the future. It is playing out in real time and I for one find it fascinating on several levels.

Whether you decide to join the Kony 2012 movement or not is up to you. But I hope at the very least, you will be inspired to find a cause that you care about, and take action to see change happen.

Woah, how did that happen?

2012-03-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

That is the question I woke up asking myself this morning in response to the events of this weekend. Let's review shall we?

Friday night was supposed to be low key with Jr. High Crush meeting up early and having a carry out dinner and movie night at my place. Then a friend called me with a family crisis and I found myself babysitting unexpectedly for two kids when I didn't even have my own. That set us back about 3 hours so no dinner, just a movie.

And then super hot foreplay followed by (very mediocre) sex. This is a bummer to me because I had just convinced myself to try to "leap" and then this little roadblock presents itself. I'm not shallow and know sex isn't everything but I also know myself well enough to know that it's a really important part of a relationship for me and if it's not good and there's little chance of it getting better for reasons beyond either of our control, I'm going to get really restless really quickly. I'm still trying to figure out what, if anything, this changes. Stay tuned.

Saturday I rocked out a girl's night. And by rocked out, I mean drank way more than I ever normally do, stupidly mixed what I was drinking, danced my ass off, and came home and puked. And then suffered a hangover on Sunday morning the likes of which I haven't experienced since the tragic Goldschlager incident of 1997. It was truly not one of my brighter moves.

This massive and most unwelcome hangover resulted in a missed church service, a broken brunch date, and two missed workout classes at the gym. I was not excited about missing any of that to stay home and feel like complete ass hunkered down in my darken bed room/cave. The oddest thing is that I was feigning for a fountain Diet Pepsi like a crackhead needing a hit. Which the Twin ended up coming to my door with in the mid-afternoon hours.

I know, I know... the Twin. I was supposed to have a completely friendly-ex brunch with him and had to call and cancel when I thought I was going to pass out and/or throw up in the shower as I was attempting to get ready to go. He was actually pretty sweet and presented no obvious agenda by being nice to me. He brought my diet Pepsi, hung out on the other end of the couch for an hour, and hit the road. No harm, no foul. Or at least it appears to be innocent at this moment, time will tell if he holds it against me down the road.

So yeah, not sure how any or all of those things ended up shaking out how they did but I can't make this stuff up kids... Hero, I felt like you this weekend, I think you are rubbing off on me!

"Soft-Core Friday" - Can't Get Enough

2012-03-02T09:46:00.000-05:00

Happy SCF kids! We made it through another week, or close enough that I'm calling it done. I'm optimistic by nature I guess.

Today I'm going to keep it short and sweet (as to not further incriminate myself for recent shenanigans...use your imaginations). I'm declaring this "Fall Back Appreciation Day" because I know I am appreciating mine at the moment.

For those of you that are regulars here at Random Girl, you are either applauding me for firing up the long-ago dialed back shenanigans momentarily or you are shaking your fist at me and sending a stern "tsk tsk" my direction because you have already figured out who it involved. Either way, I'm just saying it had to be done.

I liken it to the last amazing dinner out before you start a super strict diet. You want to make sure you really enjoy yourself with your favorite treats before you get fully committed to your attempt at self-improvement. Perhaps that's a weak analogy but I know at least a few of you will get what I'm saying. It's the last cupcake....

Plus, you guys know that I can't stay away from Fireman for too long when I'm not on lock down with someone else. We've been "helping each other out" for well over a year now, and although fairly dysfunctional, I'm not saying it's broke so I'm not in a hurry to fix it.

So in honor of my self-declared "Fall Back Appreciation Day" I'm putting out a little J. Cole as the featured song because it kind of speaks for itself in regards to this situation, he just hits the spot. Enjoy!

As the hook goes:
I can't get enough of what you got
Good God you hit the spot
Try to let go but I just cannot
So don't you stop
I need that...

Yep, it's kind of like that.

Anyone want to join me in "Fall Back Appreciation Day"?? What's your story? Does he/she just hit the spot for you? Put it out there!

Lack of Leaping (screwed by my own emotional slowness)

2012-02-28T22:13:00.001-05:00

It's probably fairly fitting that this post would go up on leap year. It's ironic mostly considering my inability to leap, or fear to take a solid step even.

Yes, that's right kids, my fear and emotional slowness are at an all time high right now. Let's just put it all out there, shall we?

I haven't mentioned Jr. High Crush in a while, and there is a reason for that. Things are going well. Things could be going really really well if I wasn't such a closed off pain in the ass most of the time. This one is on me. I am the roadblock. I own it.

First, a quick update. Jr. High Crush and I have been going strong, well as strong as we can with work and conflicting kid schedules (and my emotional slowness in full effect), but we are managing to find time to see each other in some capacity as often as we can.

What is different, and maybe not quite what I expected, is that he is really just open about who he is, what he is feeling, and what he wants. No games. How can I function with no games?? I have spent years deciphering the cryptic meanings behind words and gestures only to now have a guy that lays it all out in plain English for me? I'm not quite sure how to handle all of this honesty and forthrightness.

It's not really the honesty and forthrightness that I'm having a hard time handling, it is my reaction and then the expectation that I feel is put on me to try and return the favor. I have done a good job of bobbing and weaving to avoid a direct hit so far, but eventually I'm going to have to open up to him. The only problem is, that I'm not sure exactly what that means right now. What I am sure of is that I for some reason, am almost completely unable to understand and admit my feelings to myself, let alone share it with him at this point.

So I'm going to try and give a test run on you guys. I hope that is OK.

There are things about Jr. High Crush that I knew from before or figured out right away:

He is shorter than me (and I don't even really mind despite my previous rant on "Size Matters")

He is kind and genuine

He is a great dad

He puts family first

He invests in things he thinks are worth investing in

He is honest

He has good taste in music

He almost died twice in the last year.

He really really likes me

There are also things about Jr. High Crush that I am learning for the first time:

He has a lot of collections. All valuable things that he is super-knowledgeable about, but not a single interest in common from that standpoint

He is an old soul. I have heard that said about people before but never really got it until I saw it firsthand with him

He is most likely never moving from his small town

He has a cat, or his daughter does I guess I should say. I am not a fan of cats in general, so of course his loves me and won't go away.

He wants us to be in a relationship, officially. And do things that people in relationships do like vacation with our daughters and meet each other's families.

Overall, there aren't a lot of things about him that I don't like, just several things about him that I fail to understand and question whether I could be accepting of those things if this were to become a long-term situation.

The biggest one being the small town thing. I have nothing against small towns. I grew up in one and I think I turned out OK. But I have been a city girl almost as long as I was in the small town and I for sure prefer the city and want my daughter to grow up in one. He owns a house and it is full of his collections and he already told me that he isn't moving. I would never move there. In fact, when school is out this summer, I am moving two hours in the opposite direction to an even bigger city. It's pretty much set in stone. He is not happy about that.

Other than our single-parenting, small town upbringing, and taste in music, we have very little in common. We don't pretend that we don't know it, we both fully acknowledge the fact. But we are still fond of each other. And despite not having had sex yet (I hear you gasping...take a minute and let that sink in...) we have tested the waters enough to confirm that there is an intense physical chemistry between us as well. Talk about complaining about something that is not a problem, right??

It's a situation where really nothing is wrong at the moment, but I can't see how or where our lives would fit together down the road based on everything I know about each of us now. So I'm kind of stuck.

Do I keep enjoying the ride and letting each of us invest more emotionally into each other only to know that it's going to end with disappointment or do I stop a good thing in its tracks, be thankful for the time we've had, and cut my losses before I get any more attached?

See? I told you I was emotionally stunted!

Any advice for me?

"Soft-Core Friday" - Revisiting the Threesome

2012-02-23T21:06:00.001-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" all! I won't bore you with how busy this week's been because really, who cares? What really matters is that because I've been out being my busy self, I haven't had a chance to work on a new post. Which really is a win for you guys because you get to revisit one of my most popular posts, which was actually a guest post, by the lovely and beautiful Chrystal Rose. And it's on threesomes. From a girl's perspective. Win/Win/Win!

This post got some great conversations started and still gets a ton of traffic here at Random Girl. You can click back on the link if you want to see what happened the first time around. Or you can just read below and we can start the fun all over again!

On a very important side note, Chrystal has recently published her new memoir "Unfaithfully Yours: Confessions of a Cheating Bitch" and I will be doing a review along with a chance to win a signed copy of the book coming soon so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, you can check out an excerpt on Chrystal's site here.

Now on to the fun!
(Reposted from 3/31/11)

Just when you thought the threesome theme had run it's course, no wait! Today I have the great privilege of welcoming my lovely friend Chrystal Rose to Random Girl to share with us her girl's point of view on her threesome experiences. If you aren't already following her blog or on twitter, get on it! She is fully Random Girl certified as awesome!

Chrystal, it's all yours babe!

Three’s Company or Three’s a Crowd?

I slid out of Hellcat’s bed and headed for the kitchen, stopping in my tracks at her bedroom door. The living room looked like what rockstars must leave behind for the maids at the hotels they trash. Empty bottles of beer, liquor, condom wrappers, broken glass, pieces of both red and pink fetish tape, empty whippet canisters and their corresponding balloons, and several cigarettes from a spilt ashtray covered the floor.

This is what Threesome Armageddon looks like.

As I tiptoed through the mess, kicking bits of the fetish tape aside as I went, careful not to step on any broken glass—the man on the couch stirred, rolled over and smiled at me. I smiled back and continued my trek to the kitchen in search of something that resembled water to drink. I quickly discovered that all the glasses were either dirty or had been smashed.

Fuck me.

I let the San Diego City water run for a minute before I stuck my mouth in the stream and gulped a solid 16oz down. Somehow I managed to get back and slide into bed next to Hellcat without injuring myself.

At 26 this was my 2^nd threesome and it definitely rose the bar several notches from my first. My first had been at 19, though it could technically be called a foursome because we’d called in a 3^rd girl to “finish the job.”

As a woman you are more likely to be part of a threesome some time in your life than a man is (statistically the odds are in your favor). The man may have “pressure to perform” in a MFF threesome but essentially he has it made.

As a female there are a few things to consider:

The ideal role is “The Guest Star”

Scenario One:

Female: Friend of mine
Male: Friend of mine with benefits who happened to have a crush on the female

Why it worked: I had zero feelings for him so I was able to walk away having had a fun experience. No jealousy, etc.

Scenario Two:

Female: Friend of mine
Male: Ex-Boyfriend of female

Why it worked (for me): Once again there weren’t any feelings tangled in, so I was able to walk away with a smile on my face.

As a guest star you are invited into the bedroom of another couple (or ex-couple) and can bail when the harsh light of day arrives along with the aftermath. And I really feel that threesomes are best for everyone involved when feelings aren’t.

The Insider

As an insider considering a threesome, there are lots of things to think about. You may be determined to do it, think it’ll be fun and harmless but the reality is you have feelings for this man. You may think it’s no big deal beforehand but you can’t predict your feelings after you watch the man you love get it on with another woman. Once it’s been done, you can’t take it back.

The broken glass from Scenario Two? That wasn’t from fun and games and “oops!” we knocked something over—That was from her launching glasses at him when she had a change of heart AFTER what we’d done. Sure she’d been there encouraging the whole thing, but when it was over she was more than pissed at him.

Can you imagine what might have happened if they were still a couple?

While men can go around sticking it in any hole they wish without feelings of attachment, women are cursed with giving a fuck. This of course doesn’t go for everyone and depends on the circumstances. I’ve had sex like a man and it’s very empowering to not care about them at all. There’s a difference between guys like that and the one I actually love.

Tips For the Insider

Make your guest star a true guest star—someone you don’t know. Whether you find her on the adult classifieds or hire an escort, she’ll be out of your life once the job is done.
Keep it focused. You don’t have to let this girl sleep over and provide her breakfast the next morning or anything (though a girlfriend of mine did get this sort of royal treatment.) When it’s all said and done, you can say goodbye…and it leaves some room for some twosome action.
Make sure you know why you’re doing it, if it’s not a fantasy of yours or something you think you’ll enjoy then don’t do it. He’ll live.
Get something out of it. With a guy who’s lucky to have two women and a guest star that’s an outsider—you run the show. Make sure that you’re having a great time and getting what you want out of it. This isn’t a twosome with you as the voyeur (well unless you want it to be of course.)
Set ground rules for whatever you don’t feel comfortable with and don’t be afraid to take charge.
Relax and have fun!

From a woman’s perspective, threesomes can be a fun experience. Maybe not something you want to do every weekend but a situation worth exploring.

Have fun, be safe and happy threesomes!

If you like my work you can read more at www.xtalrose.com, “Like” me onFacebook/xtalrose or follow me on twitter.com/xtal_rose.

"Soft-Core Friday" - Would you let your Ex write your online dating profile?

2012-02-17T09:58:00.000-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! We made it through another one....well... almost at least. And this is even more impressive than normal because we all had to deal with the daunting task of handling V Day in addition to the normal everyday crap so this deserves an extra drink at happy hour in my opinion. So...cheers to you!

My week was busy but good (I'm assuming you care here so just go with it ok?). I got an unexpected bit of love on V day which was, against all things in me that really doesn't like to acknowledge such silly days, made me smile and appreciate being thought of in a fond way.

I also spent a lot of time this week trying to fend of the not-so-recently Ex'd Twin. Several of you dolls on Twitter offered to assist me with stern talking to's and even leg breaking after a recent round of my venting. Your willingness to defend me is touching and much appreciated. I think it's handled now though... at least I'm hoping.

Why am I hopeful? Because Twin has his online dating profile back up. I'm glad to see that he has put himself back on the market, and am keeping my fingers crossed that he finds himself with a new distraction sooner rather than later.

For the sake of time and with a complete lack of creativity, he just used the exact same profile that he had used before. And really I can't blame him, it did help him land me after all, and we both know that was a win for him....right?? So I guess he figures if it's not broken, why fix it?

But it is broken...because many of the things he is promoting himself to be, be interested in, and find important, are not indeed translated into real life. At least not the the life that I was a part of for a while.

Now I know it's nothing new to exaggerate or perhaps just present your ideal self vs. your actual self on the all-important dating profile but really, I think it would just be better to represent your true self....or let your Ex write your dating profile for you... that would be a great idea!!

Who better to give people the real deal on you than someone who dated you successfully for a minute? If they have good things to say, chances are you would be perceived as a decent guy, almost like a reference check, and up your chances of landing someone equally as decent. If your ex has some harder truths to share, at least the new person would know what they were getting into from the beginning and could plan accordingly. What bugs one person might be fine with another and you could find a more fitting date from the beginning. I say it's a win/win!

I would have a few minor tweaks for Twin's profile if given the opportunity to write it for him. I may write up a draft and send it to him to consider. I'm sure he would appreciate that.

Would I let him write mine for me? I absolutely would. I was my true, authentic self with him and I think my dating profile in the past was accurate to what he experienced so I really don't have anything to be worried about.

What about you? Would you let your Ex write your online dating profile?? (And pick the pictures to be included???)

Updated: Thanks Dunkin for breaking my heart on Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T09:31:00.002-05:00

I wasn't going to post today. Not because I am opposed to or excited by Valentine's day, but because I just posted yesterday.

But then Dunkin Donuts broke my heart this morning so I'm sharing it with you kids.

Dear Dunkin Donuts:

There are few things I ask for in life. But one of the things I truly enjoy is our early morning rendezvous that have me leaving with a smile and my iced coffee with caramel swirl, cream, and one Splenda on mornings when I really really need a little love. Today was one of those mornings.

The first insult came from the ridiculously long drive thru line I was faced with. I mean, it was "our" special day DD, you should have been waiting for me, not the other way around.

Then came the ultimate let down: Upon telling you my heart's desire, you tell me you can't give me what I really need...caramel swirl.... as you find yourself out of that at the moment. Really DD? You have 3 flavors and you are out of one?? How can that be? And today of all days??

That's it Dunkin, we are so over!! I ask for so little from you, expecting nothing more than what you yourself promised to deliver to me, and then you don't come through?!

And don't think that you can woo me back with your chocolate-covered heart shaped sugary deliciousness....it's going to take more than that to get me to forgive you for this Valentine's Day disappointment.

Update 3pm: DD has begun following me on Twitter and sent a DM requesting to contact me to help resolve the situation. I truly appreciate the gesture. Now, if they send me flowers too (or even better, offer free iced coffees with caramel swirl, cream, and 1 splenda free for life) ... we might be back on! I'm a reasonable girl!

Who? Me?

2012-02-13T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank the academy....
or at least the fine voting folks over at Studio 30 Plus for voting RGB the Best Dating Blog of 2011 in the Boomerang Awards.

(Practicing my best fake shock/surprise face ala Taylor Swift...)
Who?? Me?? No way!!

But I really am surprised and quite honored so thank you to everyone who nominated and voted for yours truly.

And I'm in great company with winners such as Brandon from Lost in Idaho, Kelly from Naked Girl in a Dress, and Lance from My Blog Can Beat up Your Blog. If you're not following these kids, you need to because they are lovely and much deserving of their awards as well.

So now that I have a rep to live up to, I guess I should probably throw in some "dating blog" type stuff here right?

Off we go...

After a heavy dose of nostalgia that you all let me indulge in on my SCF post, I had my first date with Jr. High Crush on Saturday night. I was oddly nervous. There is something about kind of knowing someone for so long that made me not sure about whether I should raise or lower my expectations. I mean, I knew him really well when we were 12, but not so much really since we were about 18 so should I assume he is better or worse now then he was then?

Would we have anything to talk about besides "back in the day"? Would there be chemistry now in the light of day or was that just the darkened bar/several drinks effect that made it seem like there was a few weeks ago? I just wasn't sure.

So I did the only thing I could, went out with him without expectations and made up my mind to just take things as they come and treat it like any first date with a new guy. I let him tell his story without making assumptions. Essentially, we started with a clean slate because really, it was. We had never dated before so it really was our first date.

It was a wise choice. He has a great story to tell. There are a lot of parallels in our lives when it comes to family, divorce, single parenting, maintaining friendships, music interests, and more. There was no lag in conversation, no awkward silence, no weirdness at all. In fact, we spent so much time engrossed in conversation that we totally missed the movie we planned to see and closed the restaurant down. I take that as a good sign.

We met up with some of my friends to watch a band play after our lengthy dinner. They were people he had known "back in the day" but it was nice to get to re-introduce them anyways. We had a few cocktails, danced a little, and just enjoyed ourselves.

Then I started getting texts from the recently Ex'd Twin. Very specific texts which led me to believe he too was at the same bar. Which he was as I found out on my way back from a trip to the bathroom. There he sat.

Awkward.

We talked for a few minutes which was fine. Then he kissed me. Which was not so fine. We had the benefit of a crowded bar and a hundred people between us and where my date was sitting but it was still highly inappropriate and quite pissed me off. So much for being nice.

I walked away and went back to my date and continued my evening. It ended nicely with a few kisses and plans for our next date which I'm looking forward to.

As for the Twin, I'm not sure if he knew I was with another guy Saturday or not. I'm guessing he did and that's why he pulled the alpha-male/mark his territory move and kissed me for no good reason. He has been texting ever since. I'm trying to be nice because I don't dislike him but we aren't together anymore and I don't like to prolong the drama once I've made up my mind that I'm done with someone. He must have missed the memo.

Any ideas on how to get an ex to be an ex and go away? I don't really want him to be a distraction to the new situation I have going on. I would really just like to enjoy the moment that I'm in and not get drug back into what isn't anymore.

"Soft-Core Friday" - Jr. High Dreams edition

2012-02-10T06:00:00.002-05:00

Happy SCF kids! Unfortunately today I am not writing this as I prepare to jet off for my weekend in Vegas, I am writing this as I am still trying to recover from my last weekend in Vegas, much less fun than this time last week I assure you!

So as I mentioned in my Vegas Deconstructed post, I ended up front row at Motley Crue at the Hard Rock on Sunday night. It was an awesome way to wrap up my trip to sin city.

Now some of you may not get why this was such a treasured moment for me, others of you get it perfectly. See, I was in Jr. High when Motley Crue was huge. Like beyond huge. Like "biggest hair metal band on the planet" huge. At least to a Jr. High girl they were. I slow danced my way through "Home Sweet Home" and "Without You" more times than I can remember. And I loved every second of it.

So when Tommy Lee descended from the sky with his sparkly baby grand piano and started up the first few notes of "Home Sweet Home" my 8th grade heart melted all over again. Despite the many, many years between then and now, it was just as awesome as I remembered it, only now I was slow dancing in the Hard Rock and they were playing live in front of me.

See?? Now do you get it??? Yes!

To add to the Jr. High dreams theme, I have my first official date with my Jr. High crush on Saturday night. Either I fell back in a time warp or the stars have aligned in a long overdue way. Either way, I'm having fun riding out this little piece of nostalgia.

So to the spandex wearing, big hair, rocker screams of the past.... I devil horn salute you and look forward to our next slow dance!

Join me on my little trip down memory lane if you care to... today's SCF videos are "Home Sweet Home" and "Without You" ....and then a little "Kickstart my Heart" just for fun!

On a side note, the band I saw Sunday bore very little resemblance visually to the band appearing in the videos below, but the still sounded exactly the same! And I still wouldn't kick Tommy Lee out of my bed...just sayin!

Oh and p.s. my daughter was watching the "Home Sweet Home" video over my shoulder and asked me "Mommy, why are those boys wearing girls stuff??" Oh honey, it was a very different time.... sigh....

Another Vegas Weekend Deconstructed

2012-02-07T16:55:00.001-05:00

Well kids, I survived another one!

I am enjoying my recovery day after returning from my weekend in Vegas with Blog Boy. There were so many awesome moments that I'm having a tough time deciding what to write about first. This may take several posts so hang in there OK?

Overall, things went perfectly. All of my traveling went off without hitch, completely on time and uneventful which is rare but exactly how I like it. Pretty much everything from the room, to the food, to the entertainment, and especially the company were all perfect. This trip was a huge "WIN" for sure!

For this post, I'm going to focus on the timeline of fun. There will be lots of links if you're interested in the details or looking to book your own Vegas trip and need suggestions.

Upon arrival on Friday evening, I got to the hotel, put myself together and we were off for dinner with a friend of mine that lives in Vegas and her son whom I adore. She being local, had the hookup on impossible to get reservations at Comme Ca, a french restaurant in the Cosmopolitan. The meal was beyond amazing. I ate things I would normally never order and loved every single bite. We then headed to the Chandelier Bar which is 3 stories of beauty in the middle of it all and enjoyed several hours of good cocktails and awesome people watching. This hotel is beautiful and has an awesome layout.

After dinner Blog Boy and I met up with some of his friends at Mirage for a little gaming, more cocktails, and a night of fun. We rolled back to the room about 4am, slept for a bit and then got up and started the fun all over again.

Saturday started with coffee (of course) and more gaming. We then spent most of the afternoon in the Oleksandra spa getting a "couples" massage and enjoying the sauna. It was a nice relaxing break amid the chaos! It was then on to happy hour at Isla Tequila Bar, enjoying margaritas and some fantastic Taquitos and guac with another one of Blog Boy's friends that was in town also. We then moved on to a suite party for a different friend's birthday and had a delicious Chinese dinner in beautiful private room at Fin. Then it was out for more gaming at several casinos.

Sunday started with breakfast and a little more gaming as we prepped for the SuperBowl party that was to come. I had the pleasure of meeting up with the lovely and talented woman behind one of my favorite blogs, Lazidaisical, and we got to enjoy a few drinks over a quick visit prior to the Super Bowl party we had reservations for. She is awesome! If you don't read her or follow her on the Twitters, get on it or you are missing out!

Next, it was on to the Super Bowl party with more friend at STACK at Mirage. We had great seats, more amazing food, and an awesome time. I really loved being in Vegas for Super Bowl, everyone was wearing their team colors regardless of whether their team was playing. I was rocking the #18 in Colts Blue of course, since it was played in Peyton's house and all... it was only right!

After Super Bowl, it was still early since the game started at 3:30 Vegas time. That left us plenty of time to find something awesome to do. And awesome it was! We ended up seeing Motley Crue at the Hard Rock. It was the one thing that I really really really wanted to do when I first found out they would be playing when I booked my trip and it wasn't looking like it was going to happen. But miracles of miracles, it did happen and it was so awesome, that concert is getting it's own post to come soon.

Since I had to leave for the airport at 4am for a 6am flight out on Monday morning, it totally made sense to just stay up all night and continue the shenanigans. I can honestly say that we really maximized the opportunity for fun on this trip and there really is not a single thing that I would change.

My last trip, I did a list of lessons learned as part of my recap. Here is what this trip taught me:
1) Vegas can be just as fun as part of a group of middle aged "couples" as opposed to being all just hot chicks. It's a different kind of fun, but still an awesome time none the less.
2) Vegas is much more enjoyable when I don't have to be in 5" hooker heels the entire trip, just every now and then. To be able to walk all day/night comfortably really is the way to go and allowed me to have much more fun in multiple locations. Hot shoes, they are a girls best friend and worst enemy all at once there. They came out when I needed to dress to impress and stayed behind when I wanted to just rock out and have fun. I did not envy nor feel bad for the drones of chicks walking barefoot at the end of the night. Yuck!
3) Not spending every day at party pools and every night in trendy clubs really opened things up to more unexpected fun at crazy places
4) Motley Crue can still rock my face off and despite the years not being kind to several of them, Tommy Lee can still call my room Home Sweet Home any time he wants
5) Being in Vegas with someone who I already am super fond of and know is very cool just makes a good trip even better. So far we have had adventures in Chicago, Denver, and Las Vegas. Next up: New Orleans and NYC. Can't wait!

"Soft-Core Friday" - about to be going H.A.M. in Vegas

2012-02-03T09:37:00.000-05:00

Happy SCF kids! I am happy to announce that the Vegas countdown is now down to a matter of hours. I could not be more ready for this little adventure.

Tomorrow I will be waking up in Vegas, assuming that I actually go to sleep at some point after I fly in tonight. I'm thinking that sleep is not likely for the next few days as Blog Boy has a full day jump on me and has already scouted a party plan for us for pretty much every minute of the entire weekend. I'm not complaining. At last text, he was running the craps table like he owned it. That is good news!

Last trip, I took on the challenge you kids gave me of the Vegas Truth-or-Dare game and while fun, I don't think I'll be that ambitious this time around. I do plan on live tweeting so you can join in the shenanigans if you follow me on the Twitters @randomgirlblog.

In the spirit of the forthcoming fun, today I'm leaving you with a clip from Vegas Vacation. It pretty much highlights what can go wrong if you try hard enough or are foolish enough to bring your kids along. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ng5V1p6tPRU&feature=email

The best way to get over someone....

2012-02-01T09:36:00.001-05:00

I believe it was Brandon from Lost in Idaho that reminded me after one of my previous break ups that the best way to get over someone.....is by getting under someone else. Thanks for those words of wisdom Idaho....they served as a handy reminder and excellent justification for my most recent set of shenanigans. I do so love having an excuse!

Before I get into that, I wanted to just take a moment to share with you all my post-deconstruction take-aways from my recently defunct relationship with the Twin. It's that last time it will be mentioned. You have my word.

Here is what I learned:
1) I can and do enjoy being in a serious, monogamous relationship (that's HUGE kids, I didn't know if I was capable of that after my recent track record of shenanigans-only situations)
2) Good enough is not good enough.
3) If I'm going to be in an exclusive relationship with someone, I need them to be actively involved with my life in it's entirety, not just the parts that are easy or convenient for them
4) I need to quit keeping people who want to invest in me at arm's length out of fear and/or distrust. I need to give a guy the benefit of the doubt until/unless proven I need to do otherwise.
5) When it's not working more often than it is working, it's time to call it off. Having the same conversation to address the same frustrations over and over does not resolve them, it just confirms that the will to resolve them isn't there and it's probably not going to happen. Cut your loses and move on.

Speaking of cutting my loses and moving on, that's what I have done. The official break up has occurred and this time it was not followed up by a day and a half of break up/make up sex. It was a hug goodbye and that was that.

So what's a newly single girl to do that has been spoiled by lots of lots of good sex on a very regular basis for the last 6 months? Call up the reserves, that's what. And so welcomes the return of Fireman. Oh yes, I went there....again.

I can hear my sweet Kat cussing me out from several states away. I know how much you really despise the concept of him. I'm sorry darling.... but I just couldn't resist. I deserve many many spankings from you and will be anxiously awaiting them. *bends over and smiles*

Technically, Fireman never really went away. He has been hard-pressing me pretty much the entire time I was with Twin but because I was determined to do the relationship the right way, he was denied repeatedly and emphatically. But when he came around this time, I was single again so.... it's OK....right??

Ok, probably not OK. The boy is trouble for me. He has been for the last year. That's right kids, we have been at this off and on for an entire year. It's kind of ridiculous I will admit. But, it is kind of nice to have a good fall back guy who can pick up right where we left off and not have any of the drama or expectations that can come from starting over with someone new.

Do you have a fall back guy/girl? An on-call piece that you can count on to handle things when you are in-between relationships? I can't be the only one.... share!

Also, thanks to the awesome Lady E who has dubbed this month #WWTFIFLF Month. Join in the fun and let's rock this right! Go grab the widget and post up your words!

Feeling Missed

2012-01-31T08:00:00.028-05:00

There is something painfully beautiful about knowing that someone misses you. And there is something painfully sad about knowing that someone does not.

When someone misses you, it implies that you held value to them. That you somehow, in some way, matter in their life. And you not being part of it, for any amount of time, is noticed. Your absence is felt. Your space is left vacant and held sacred, awaiting your return.

I want someone that will me miss me when I'm not there, not because of what they don't have when I'm gone, but because of what they want to have return to them.

I want to feel missed.

Something kind of like this song: "Ass Back Home" by Gym Class Heroes ft. Neon Hitch

A First Kiss - 20 years in the making

2012-01-29T14:52:00.000-05:00

I have always believed in the saying that "Timing really is everything" and I have referenced it many times here at RG. This weekend confirmed that to me that the saying really is spot on.

Here's why:

As you know from my SCF post, Twin and I are on the outs. We are actually on the outs more than we aren't and that's why it's over. For real this time. I don't do drama, I will cut and run every time before I sit and suffer through a drama-filled waste of time. Be gone.

Saturday night had been booked for a while. A friend of a friend was going out for her birthday so we were joining in the festivities. I was looking forward to just going out, dancing a bit, and enjoying myself. Being newly single, I was also glad to be free of the obligation to explain myself or apologize for anything.

I had recently reconnected with a guy that I have known (and had a crush on) since I was 10 years old thanks to face book. We went to different schools but had been friends and hung out off and on throughout most of our Jr High and High School years but other than getting an update on him from mutual friends once in a while, I hadn't physically seen him in at least 15 years. That changed on Saturday night.

We made plans to try and run into each other at some point during the night and run into each other we did. He picked me out of the crowd instantly and we picked up easily where we left off 15 years ago, catching up on life and divorces and kids and the like. It was really good to see him. And he looked really good. He really hasn't changed at all.

We were both there with a bunch of friends so our groups merged and we spent the rest of the night on the packed dance floor having a lot of laughs and being silly, and working in a few moments of excellent sexual tension throughout the night.

Our groups headed out at the same time so he walked me to my car, said he was really glad we met up and suggested we do it again soon with slightly less company along for the ride, and then we kissed.

Yep, after 20 years of crushing on the guy, I got the first kiss.

Now you guys know that I'm usually not super attached to things of a sexual nature and that I can work it as recreation as well as relationship affirming and make a case for it either way, depending on how it suits my argument. But I'm going to let this kiss (well ok, we kind of ended up making out a little) stand alone as something I liked and was good being just exactly what it was....long overdue.

"Soft-Core Friday" - When A Guy C*ck blocks Himself at the Worst Possible Time

2012-01-27T09:38:00.001-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! I'm not sure what is up but this week has been one of the longest and most annoying weeks in recent history so I for one am beyond thrilled to see it teetering on the edge of being gone. Good riddance suck-ass week!

I was hoping to have my super-awesome review of my Masque use experience (the oral sex enhancer, in case you missed the previous history on this lovely product, click here) but low and behold, Twin decided that instead of enjoying a night of oral pleasure as I tested out the various flavor samples that the company sent me, he would rather cock block himself and pick a fight with me. Excellent choice sir. Instead of having assisted me in completing my "research" I was all geared up to do, he enjoyed the cold shoulder the entire night.

Now, in his defense, he's not a complete idiot. He didn't purposely blow the opportunity to be on the receiving end of my research, he had no idea what I was planning. I am assuming that had he been clued in prior to his arrival, he would have taken a slightly different tone with me for the evening, just a hunch.

So the research and review of Masque are still pending but I assure you, will be completed soon, one way or the other. I'm a crafty girl, I'll figure out a way to make it happen.

Did I mention I leave for Vegas exactly one week from today???

In more fun news, a big thanks to Brandon (aka Ida_homie on the twitters, follow him, he's funny) for his shout out to your's truly on his post today about bad hotel sex. Get over there and read it.

Today's SCF featured video is from none other than the amazingly sexy and hilarious Lady Estrogen. She completely rocked this video and it's sexy and emotional and awesome. If you don't follow Lady E or her work, you need to. She has more inappropriate stories than I do, that's why I love her!

Enjoy "Hangover Square"

It's here! It's here!

2012-01-23T14:53:00.000-05:00

Oh happy day! My samples of Masque have arrived, first class no less. These folks aren't messing around. I got the full blown (pun intended) press pack, stock photos, and of course, the nicely packaged samples.Up first, Mango and Watermelon flavors.

Let the testing begin!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about...catch up already will ya? Click here to get up to speed!

"Soft-Core Friday" - Smirking at the Ex

2012-01-20T10:51:00.000-05:00

Happy SCF kids! I hope you have all had the loveliest of weeks. I'm still stuck in a living snow globe which kind of sucks but with Vegas (and all the shenanigans that will be accompany me there) in a mere two weeks, I'm smiling and dealing with it.

Today I picked the song before I picked the post topic. It will make sense after you listen to the song. Basically the premise is that you run across your ex and can honestly say "yeah, you may be with your new girl/guy now but we both now that the sex was better with me". So take that!

Have you ever been in that situation? You see your ex out with their latest and greatest new gf/bf and you get an immense amount of satisfaction out of knowing that they aren't getting it nearly as good as they did when he/she was with you?

How would you know, you might be asking. Trust me, you know. And if you have a guy or girl that you know you blew their mind when you were together, it's something they are going to be missing. Or in some cases, you get the confirmation via a text from the ex, that basically confirms your assumption exactly. Granted, that text is usually followed by a "so can I see you?" or something not quite as polite because they can't really handle not getting it the way you used to give it to them.

It's one of those "eat your heart out moments" that are few and far between but pretty sweet when you get to have one. So just smile, smirk, say no thanks, and keep right on walking

This song today is the perfect example of what I'm talking about. It's "Fuck You Betta" by Neon Hitch. Probably best if not played at work....

He tastes so....fruity! (Update)

2012-01-17T13:51:00.001-05:00

Hey kids, this is just something I ran across in the esteemed publication of Cosmo and thought it would be an interesting conversation starter. And, for lack of anything more substantial to post today, we are going to talk about this.

As I was learning about guy's "Most Shocking Confessions" and how to make the same pair of cute boots double as both day and night worthy, I saw a full page ad with the tagline "Cupid Has Nothing On Us."
Intriguing huh? Well, it gets better. It's for a product called Masque that "is the first product proven to CONCEAL any unpleasant flavors associated with pleasuring your man and his subsequent climax.'

Yep.

There's a market for everything. And this proves it.

So after doing research on their website, I found that these little orally-dissolvable flavored gel strips come in 4 delightful flavors: chocolate, strawberry, watermelon, and mango. Yum.

The premise is that the partner performing said oral pleasure would let the strip dissolve on their tongue prior to starting, and it gives you up to 15 minutes of man-flavor free action. It does specify that this is for female-on-male oral, not the other way around but I'm assuming you could go off label if you wanted to.

I'm skeptical.

So I did what any intrepid blogger would do: I e-mailed the company for samples in return for a real life review on RG. We'll see what they say. If they send them, I promise to do my due diligence on all the available flavors and let you know what I think. It's $12 for a 3 pack in case you are interested.

So what do you think of the idea? Ladies, would you be more enthusiastic about going down on your man if he tasted like strawberries or mango? Guys, are you insulted by your girl wanting to cover up your natural manly tasting stuff?

Don't tell me you don't have an opinion on this because I know you better than this!

UPDATE: I was contacted by the PR company that handles media requests for MASQUE. They are delighted that I would like to sample and review these tasty bits so they are hooking me up with the full flavor line and I will be giving them my honest critique after giving them a real life go.

Someone is going to be a very happy guy!

"Soft-Core Friday" - Boy Toy to Just a Friend, can it happen?

2012-01-13T09:13:00.000-05:00

Happy SCF kids! I hope you all are staying warmer than I am right now. Apparently Winter decided to show up overnight and if the snow wasn't bad enough, how about 30mph winds on top of it? Yep, looks like I'm living in a snow globe. Oh well, I'll be in Vegas 3 weeks from today, that's the light at the end of my winter hell tunnel today.

Today's "Soft-Core Friday" idea was still brewing in my brain this morning when I got on the Twitters and saw that my darling Alyssa had an issue she wanted me to tackle. Of course, I loved it so off we go!

She tweeted: @RandomGirlBlog hey, if you're in need of a #SCF post, I'm in need of some Randy Girl help! Can you turn a #boytoy into an *actual*#friend?

The answer is yes & no. Helpful right? Let me explain (and I'm talking only from my specific experience on the topic so take it for what it's worth).

If you are in a situation where the two of you started off just as a hook up, like you met on a night out, took a first date to end game, or were basically virtually strangers who decided to have sex when given the opportunity, it might be a little tricky to try to then cool things off and stay strictly in the friend zone. There was no real level of commitment or interest outside of sex to start things off, so there might not be a lot of common ground to base a friendship on after the sex cools off.

It's not impossible, but it's not likely. Unless the two of you had integrated some non-sex time and conversations into your "boy toy" situation, you will probably find yourself bored with him once real life starts to creep into your sex-only situation. However, if you did allow him to share a little and did likewise with him throughout the course of your hook ups, you might find that you actually do like him and what he is about and would be interested in keeping him around as a friend when you aren't in the bedroom.

If you are converting a friend or acquaintance into a boy toy, then the likelihood that you could go back to being friends when the bedroom shenanigans are over is more likely. You already know him and like him and obviously have somethings you can appreciate him, even before sex comes into the picture. Those things most likely won't go away after you have hooked up, although they might evolve a little or get awkward depending on how the sex was. Let's be honest.

In my experience, a friend-to boy toy - to friend cycle happens usually with someone that I value as a friend, we both find ourselves single at the same time and since we already think the other one is awesome we decide to entertain ourselves for a while, and then when one of us starts seeing someone else, it's game off in the bedroom but the friendship remains.

I'm not saying it's normal, I'm just saying that's how it has played out for me in the past. This set up only works if you can both remain emotionally unattached and if you both know that the sex is strictly temporary and for recreation, not an attempt to convert the situation into a full-blown relationship.

Hope that helps a little!

Do you have any experience with the boy toy/girl to friend conversion? Share kids!

And since I like to include a topic-appropriate with my SCF posts, here is today's. It's pretty perfect for the "boy toy turned friend gone wrong" situation. It's my current "awful but favorite" song. Listen all the way through, it's the last line that kills it.

Do you have a price? These people think so...

2012-01-11T08:00:00.007-05:00

What's your price?

"Price for what?" you are probably asking. And rightly so. According to whatsyourprice.com, every person has their price for what a date with them is worth. And they are bold enough to let you name your price, and even make your date pre-pay to spend time with you. Clever or insanity? You decide.

The tagline is that they "Buy & Sell First Dates". So, kind of like ebay, only for people to go on a date with? I'm not sure but I'll check it out in further detail and let you know what I find. I'm intrigued and slightly horrified.

They have the site split into two segments: one for the "Generous Users" and one for the "Attractive Users". I think "users" is the operative term here.

I can't take credit for stumbling onto this gem. I owe my...thanks... to Anderson Cooper (aka the Silver Fox) for spotlighting this useful little nugget.

Here's a little snippet from their website:

As for the attractive singles who are tired of wasting their time dating losers, we have thousands of generous gentlemen (and women), waiting to take you out on a real date. Even if your date turns out to be a dud, you will be compensated for your time.

WhatsYourPrice.com is taking the science out of dating, because really it’s all about economics. Dating is about supply and demand, quality over quantity. We know what it takes to capture the attention of a beautiful girl, but after that first date, the rest is up to you.

So, what’s your price?

Hmmm...really?

Now as for credibility of the site, I can't speak to that other than what they have self-promoted. But here are a few of the blogs they say they support so do the math..

Dating guide blogs we support:

So was that "break up sex" or "make up sex"?

2012-01-09T10:18:00.000-05:00

On the last episode of Random Girl theater, I was in the midst of a super-annoying situation with Twin and was uncertain if I would be seeing him as planned Saturday night or if I would be staying in with a bottle of something and a good playlist. Thank you all for your lovely comments by the way! In case you were curious how the night shook out, wonder no more.

After I declined the family dinner invite, he decided we would stay the course and go out for dinner alone as we had planned. I had made up my mind that I was indeed breaking it off with him by the end of the night. Of course it was imperative that I looked extra smokin' hot for the occasion as to torture him even more as he realized he wasn't getting it anymore. Evil I know, but hey I'm a girl... what do you expect?

Dinner was pleasant. We played nice, kept the conversation high level and free of drama or sensitive topics and had a nice time. On the way home he asked where we were staying for the night, his place or mine? That's where it got awkward. I told him that I thought it was best if he just dropped me off at home. That resulted in stunned silence as he realized I had not intention of us ending the night together.

"The conversation" ensued. He agreed several of my points were valid, I conceded to several of his points as well. It was quite civil. The long and short of it is that he wants to feel more pursued by me and be a bigger priority in my life and I don't really feel that I can give him what he needs. We were very grown up about the whole thing.

By then, we had pulled in my driveway and were at that point where it was time to make a decision on how the night would end. We had taken dessert to go, so he suggested that we go inside and at least enjoy that together. That led to the "why not one last night?" idea as we both conceded that sex was the one thing with us that still worked perfectly and it would be a shame to waste that opportunity.

And perfect it was. Better than any time previously even, which is saying a lot. Go figure. We spent most of the night, a good portion of the morning, in the shower, and again after the shower on the part of our relationship that had nothing to complain about. And then we went to brunch smiling and acting very much like a couple that was still together.

We went our separate ways for a few hours to attend to errands and then he was back again for the afternoon.

Epic. Break up. Fail.

Shit.

Now what??

As a side note, we both still acknowledge that although things work well naked, we still have issues with our relationship when we have clothes on. Good sex does not a relationship make. Neither one of us is offering any solutions for that problem at this time, but we both know it's there and that it isn't going away.

Stay tuned!

The Screw Up Fairy strikes again

2012-01-07T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm aggravated. I'm in trouble again. Apparently Twin has expectations that I'm supposed to meet, which is cool, except that I don't know what those expectations are until I fail to meet them and then he's mad and/or pouty. Really dude? Let's play fair shall we?

I won't go into the details of this particular incident because really it's almost too stupid to bother typing. But I can tell you this isn't the first time I've been on the receiving side of a tantrum because I failed to meet expectation. I'm kind of over it.

While I was venting my frustration with Jewels and Alyssa on Twitter this evening, this song came up on my playlist on Spotify and really, it's pretty perfect for the mood this situation has put me in at the moment. It's "Sleep to Dream" by Fiona Apple. It's a good F' You song and I rather connected with it today.

My favorite lines?
Don't make it a big deal
Don't be so sensitive
We're not playing a game anymore
You don't have to be so defensive.

Amen, Fiona... Amen!

I agreed to keep our dinner plans despite my annoyance. The plan was to continue our discussion then. But as I was typing this, he texted me to change plans again... dinner with his fam. I shit you not. Umm no thanks.

Maybe I'll just stay in with a good playlist and a bottle of something for the night. Sounds quite nice!

The return of "Soft-Core Friday" - Naked Break Time and Snuggle Punches

2012-01-06T09:36:00.002-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday"! Yes, it's finally back! I know it has been a minute but let's do this shall we?

So I'll get to the Snuggle Punch thing in a minute, but first, I'm going to go for the fun stuff if you don't mind.

So you kids know how much I enjoy "the morning quickie" but if you forget, click on the link for a refresher. I have also decided that I quite enjoy the afternoon delight. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I was unfamiliar with it or opposed to it until recently, it was just that I was never with someone that had the flexibility in his schedule to get in on the quality time in the middle of the day. But Twin does. And I'm liking it.

Yesterday, Twin offered to bring me lunch and then have a work-from-home afternoon together. It was a good offer so I took him up on it. Lunch was delicious and we both worked diligently for the bulk of the afternoon at our respective job duties. And then it was break time. So we took a break. A naked break at that. Needless to say, break time ran a little over as we got....distracted.

But it was so totally worth having to work late to finish up what I had left undone prior to our break. And we will be doing it again. Frequently if I get my way. Which I usually do. *wink*

Now, onto the more humorous part of SCF... the Snuggle Punch. It's a movement that came about as recently as yesterday as a result of a conversation with my Sweet Kat on the Twitter. I invite you to stand with us and Snuggle Punch anyone that deserves it.

Here's how it started:

Random Girl Blog @RandomGirlBlog23h

Is it wrong that I want to punch the Snuggle bear straight in the face every time the commercial comes on? #noiwillnotsnugglewithyou

Calen Kat Spindler @katsidhe

@RandomGirlBlog Is it wrong that I punch a random person straight in the face every time the Snuggle commercial comes on?#willnotsnuggleu

Calen Kat Spindler @katsidhe1h

@RandomGirlBlog From now on whenever someone pisses us off we shall say 'Do you want a random snuggle punch, asshole?'#randomsnugglepunch

Random Girl Blog @RandomGirlBlog23h
@katsidhe Oh that's an excellent idea. I guess really anyone would do as the recipient of the Snuggle punch.#watchoutforrandomsnugglepunch

22h

I really do hate that Snuggle bear. He enrages me with his fluffy sweetness. He truly makes me want to Snuggle punch him, or a random passerby, every single time the commercial comes on. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Join the Snuggle Punch movement!

And if you aren't following Kat and I on Twitter, you can see the quality fun you are missing out on so get on it OK??

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! I hope you find a shenanigan-filled way to spend it!

Back to the Shenanigans

2012-01-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Wow, I'm having a hard time getting back on the self-motivated posting wagon after having the great reverb11 prompts spoon fed to me for a solid month. That was kind of nice, I have to admit. But I shall do my best to keep you kids entertained all by my big girl self for a while.

Because I was so busy playing along with reverb11 like a good girl, I neglected to fill you in on any of the personal situs going on during that time. And let's face it, we both know you just read RG because of the shenanigans.

So the month of December brought a few interesting things my way. First, an update on Twin. We are still together. (Yes, I hear the collective gasp). We didn't holiday together with the families because, as I did share at the time, my ex hubs moved in for a few days and we got to play pretend with each other's families because we are still awesome like that. Bringing the Twin along with the ex hubs would have probably been a little awkward. We still celebrated, we just had our own little thing going on. I kind of prefer it that way to be honest.

We kept it low key for NYE, dinner, drinks, and rang in the New Year in proper style... in bed. Let's just say the fireworks show downtown was well-timed. It made for some awesome bad jokes later in the night. We crack ourselves up!

Here's the problem with Twin, I have finally figured it out, I really really like him when we are in bed. It's when we are functioning in real life that I'm not so sure about things. Is it possible to turn a boyfriend back into a boy toy? Because if so, that would be awesome. I'm thinking it probably won't work that way though. More on that thought process in a later post.

And it wouldn't be a shenanigans post without Fireman right? Well, no worries, I behaved myself despite having temptation literally show up at my front door. I thought about it for a minute... like really thought about it. But alas, it didn't happen. Stupid morals! They get in the way and F up my whole program sometimes!

And speaking of shenanigans....I booked my Vegas trip today! I don't know that Vegas is ready for Blog Boy and I to be there tearing it up together, but we shall see. You all will be the first to know if it's still standing when we are done!

Day 31 of reverb11 - Reflect

2011-12-31T18:05:00.001-05:00

So this is it. The last day of reverb11. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Posting (almost) every day has been a challenge that I'm glad I stuck with. And I have been lucky enough to find some really amazing new people on this adventure so you really can't ask for more than that.

Day 31: Reflect - Take a moment to think back on your reverb11 responses. Have you learned anything? What surprised you about this experience? Which of your responses was your favourite?

Looking back on my responses to all of the many and varied reverb11 prompts, I can confidently say that at this moment in time, I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. I also realize that I truly am open to opportunity, ready to action, and pretty much over complacency in general. That's an exciting place to be.

Over the course of this last year, I have discovered great friends, made some mistakes, and had a hell of a good time doing it all. Thank you for sharing in my shenanigans, offering your advice, and just sharing life with me.

So to you, my friends, I raise a glass in a celebration toast to all that lies ahead! I hope you have the happiest of New Years! Big Randy Kisses to all of you! *MWAH!*

Day 30 of reverb11 - 3 Wishes

2011-12-30T18:04:00.000-05:00

Well, here we are at day 30 of reverb11. Almost done. And this is the first thing I can say I have really almost totally stuck to for the full duration of all the writing things I have played with this year. It's been fun and I'm glad I jumped into it.

Day 30: 3 Wishes - If a genie could grant you 3 wishes for 2012, what would they be? (Author: @amanda_hirsch )
Oh genie, you don't want to give this girl 3 wishes.... that could be dangerous!
However, if by some far off chance I did stumble upon said genie and he did choose to grant me 3 wishes, I'm guessing there would be all sorts of rules around them like I can't wish for more wishes, bring dead people back, or talk with Jesus which really just takes all the fun right out of it huh?? I know, I am complaining about getting wishes... I never said things were easy with me did I?

So for the sake of fun and in light of me having a very small window of time to play on the interwebz tonight, here goes!
Wish 1: I wish for unlimited financial resources (almost like wishing for more wishes but not totally so I think I can get away with it)
Wish 2: I wish for good health for myself and anyone else I choose to let in on my wish benefit.
And because I can't be totally selfish and feel obligated to use one wish for the greater good,
Wish 3: I wish to stop all crimes against children.

There you have it genie....now get on it!

Day 28 & Day 29 of #reverb11 - Forgiving myself and Shaking it Up

2011-12-29T10:50:00.001-05:00

It's hard to believe that there are only two more days to go in the reverb11 fun....it has been an awesome thing to be a part of and I'm so glad that my sunshine Rita sold me on it. That girl has some great ideas!

Day 28: Forgiveness - What one thing do you need to forgive yourself for this year?
I am far from perfect. I can be selfish, clueless, and more than a little abrasive at times. I know all of this. But I do hate to hurt people's feelings with my words or my actions.

You all know how much I enjoy my shenanigans and all, but there are times when I will take it there for selfish reasons knowing that ultimately, it will end up hurting the person on the other side of the equation. And yes, I know we are all consenting adults and no one is requiring arm twisting to get tangled up with me, but I do regret my situation with my friend I refer to as "long-suffering T". Here's the story on him in case you need a refresher or weren't along for the ride at that point.

I still hold a pretty decent pile of guilt over creating that situation because I knew that it couldn't be a casual or simple thing with us and I knew his feelings were already involved and I would be creating a more complicated situation that just would not end well. But I did it anyways.

I guess now is as good as time as anyways to own it, accept it, forgive myself for it, and let it go.

Day 29: Shaking Things Up - Looking towards 2012, what can you do to shake things up a little next year?
This question has me thinking up all sorts of fun and devious things that I could employ to just flip the script on my regular not-super-exciting situation.In reality though, I will probably explore some more practical ways to make things look different in 2012 than they did in the current year.

Most likely, 2012 will see me pursuing an opportunity that will take me in a new direction with my career, and may come with a relocation requirement at some point. There are many unknowns still and any type of change, especially one that require a move of any distance, would be especially tricky but I'm finally excited again about my prospects and the chance to change my story a bit.

Bring it on 2012, bring it on!

Day 27 of reverb11 - What book?

2011-12-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

Oh if only every Tuesday could start like this... sleeping in, coffee in bed, leisurely reading blog posts and taking my sweet time getting up and around for the day. This is my idea of luxury!

Day 27: Author! Author! - Share with us the title and inside jacket cover of the book you'd most like to write.

This is kind of a tough one for me. Unlike many people in the blog world, I don't have great aspirations of being published or creating the next great American novel. Nope, I just like to write, share my thoughts, and see what other people are up to and that's what I use my blog for. It's a springboard to nothing, no sneak peek of bigger and better things I'm working on, it just is what it is at face value.

I used to think I wanted to write a book. I have a pretty solid outline and a rough draft of a project. But looking at it now, I realize that I have used a lot of the concepts as blog posts already and the outline and draft were more like my journal of what I was going through at the time disguised as an attempt to write a book. The stories were much more non-fiction that I like to admit but I guess I'll check it up to a cheap form of therapy and some brainstorming for Random Girl posts.

Someday, maybe I'll find something I'm in love with enough to develop into a full blown book. Someday....

Day 25 & 26 of reverb11 - So done with Christmas and Ready for a Great Song

2011-12-26T23:21:00.001-05:00

Yes, finally!!! Christmas is over! Yahoo!

Don't get me wrong, it was truly quite a joy to watch the Princess's delight on Christmas morning, catch up with family (at least the members I like) and to put another in the books as blessed and happy. And with the ex-hubs safely back to being several hours away, my annoyance level has greatly decreased. But enough. Really. I could not get my decorations put away and my house back to normal fast enough today. Be gone!

I do still have to revert back to a little Christmas, just enough to cover the reverb11 prompt
Day 25: The reason for the season - What's the most memorable gift you've ever received?

I'm not super big into the whole gift thing and I have never been one to snoop, even as a little kid. So when my then boyfriend decided to get clever and put my engagement ring in my stocking a week before Christmas, he finally got frustrated with waiting for me to come upon it on my own time, and made me dig into my stocking to find the ring box so he could propose to me.

He did the whole "down on one knee" thing and we went to Christmas Eve dinner with a little more sparkle in tow than I had anticipated. It was certainly a memorable moment at the time. Now it's just a little annoying to remember around the holidays. Oh well....

And now we get to move on to more interesting things....

Day 26: Music is powerful - Think of one song that you turn to time and again, and describe why it's important to you.

I love this prompt. Mainly because there is a constant soundtrack running in my head. Pretty much every memory I have is set to a song. In fact, my most vivid memories are still triggered by hearing certain songs, otherwise they would be lost and forgotten in my brain somewhere.

One of the songs that has struck me with a really almost unexplainable impact since the first I heard it is "Lost" by Coldplay
The lyrics that perfectly capture the feeling of no matter how hard you try, you just can't quite get there.But the point is you just keep going. That's all you can do. So true.

The opening line gets right to it: "Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost..."

And then this one: "Just because I'm hurting, doesn't mean I'm hurt...doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved, no better and no worse"

I hope you take a minute and listen...really listen. There are several different arrangements to this song but this is one of my favorite.

Day 23 & 24 of Reverb11 - Short & Sweet

2011-12-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Eve everyone! This is the time of year for forced family niceties, too many calories, and if you're lucky, a decent amount of alcohol to make it all more manageable.

Part of my holiday tradition for the past three years has been having the ex-hubs move in to my house for a few days, 3 and a half days this year to be exact, to do our family Christmas thing. I know, it's anything but conventional, but we both decided we didn't want to be without the Princess for the holiday and as long as we still like each other's families and can tolerate each other that we would do Christmas together for as long as we could make it work. Thus the copious amounts of alcohol. Merry Christmas to me!

Today I'm covering days 23 and 24 for reverb11. They will be short and sweet as I have stuff in the oven that will require my attention momentarily.

Day 23: Travel - Did you visit anywhere new this year? Any plans to travel next year?
Let's see, where all did I go this year...hmm... it's been a long year but I know for sure I spent time in Dallas, Las Vegas, Chicago, Disney World, Colorado, and a few random road trips in between. I love to travel and have friends just about anywhere my heart desires to go so any chance I get, I'm gone.

As for plans for 2012, I will be heading back to Vegas in February to rock it out with Blog Boy in the city of sin...I. Can't. Wait! I'm sure I'll have to head back to Dallas a time or two for work, probably do Disney with the Princess, and hopefully back to the mountains a few times as well. I would love to hit NYC in the Fall if I can swing it, it's high on my list of favorite places.

Who knows what adventures 2012 will send my way but I'm ready to go and I can pack quickly!

Day 24: Somebody Has to Say It…

Given the fact that I got up and sat across the table from my ex hubs as he enjoyed the bacon and waffles I made for breakfast bright and early this lovely Christmas Eve, this one is easy.

"Nothing like going to all the trouble and expense to get divorced just to have to play family again at the Holidays"

Yep, that's my one thing, and it had to be said.

Merry Christmas kids!!! Hope you have a very blessed holiday and nothing but joy in the next few days. And for your gift from me?? Big RANDY KISSES for everyone!! **MWAH!!**

Day 22 of #reverb11 - Passion

2011-12-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

You have to love the good ol' hypothetical question of "if money didn't matter, how would you spend your time to make the world a better place?" Or at least that's what it usually is, but this prompt doesn't specify that you should use your time in any productive way so that is an interesting twist.

Day 22: Passion - If you could quit your day job and your quality of life wouldn't change, what would you do?

This is actually one of the trickiest prompts yet for me. It seems like an easy enough question at it's core: what do I want to do? But I really don't know. I gave up the idea of just getting to spend my time however I please quite a long time ago so I don't have a list at the ready.

I'm sure I could find a worthy cause to throw myself into. I do quite enjoy my long-standing volunteer gig that I squeeze in among my required work now so maybe I would be able to take that to the next level and really invest my time working on that.

Or I could go the route of doing what I like to, like getting certified to teach yoga classes or some other type of fitness-oriented position. That would kill two birds with one stone, staying in shape while helping other people to adopt a healthier lifestyle at the same time.

Perhaps I would just spend my time doing something I like to do but isn't really sufficient for supporting myself if money is a question, like running a coffee shop again. In my former life, I had several and really loved being in the shops, getting to know my customers, and helping their days start a little better by getting a great shot of espresso or cup of perfectly brewed coffee. There was just something special about that space and I never got tired of being there. Yes, I think I would quite enjoy going back to that at some point.

I guess the moral of this story is that I don't have one burning passion that I would pursue with all my heart and soul if I didn't have to worry about doing something just to make money. But the list of things I would enjoy doing? It's pretty long and varied.

Day 21 of reverb11 - Party On

2011-12-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

It's day 21 of #reverb11 goodness. Day 3 of my vacation.

I'm not quite as bored as I have been making good on my "lunching with friends" initiative I talked about in my previous reverb11 post, taking advantage of "afternoon delight" time with Twin, and clocking some extra time and new classes at the gym as to pro-actively ward off the effects of the insane amount of junk and perhaps alcohol I'm sure I'll be consuming over the course of the holiday. All in all, I'm enjoying my down time quite a bit now.

Day 21: Party Time - Tell us about the "best" party you attended this year.

It sounds cliche', the best parties really are in Vegas. I have proven this theory time and time again over the years and this year was no exception.

I was lucky enough to get to spend Memorial Day weekend in Vegas with my best (although fading) gf, the one I referenced in my friend post yesterday. I think it was a bittersweet weekend as it kind of felt like the last hoorah of our super-close friendship as we transitioned into a different phase. But we went down swinging and made the most of it.

Memorial Day is the second craziest weekend in Vegas, second only to NYE, we learned upon arriving. Every club and restaurant was sold out, cover charges for guys were commonly $50 - $1000 just to get in the door of most places. It was out of control! Luckily, we are chicks and I plan ahead so we had free VIP access into almost everywhere. We spent a good portion of our time at The Palms, as it historically has the best scene if you're into that kind of thing.

Our VIP access was good for the whole weekend and meant not only were we guaranteed to get into the clubs, we got let in through the velvet ropes, past the hours-long line of waiting people and, and got in for free. We saw concerts, world-class DJs, and just a general mob scene of fun and craziness everywhere we went. It was like stumbling into the world of make believe for a few days, with nothing but memories and few pictures that we can only hope never surface to prove it happened.

The clubs and parties and craziness were fun but it was getting to live it all with my girl that made it the perfect party for me. I hope we get a chance to do it again but I'm not sure it's in the cards for us which makes me a little sad to think of. We have had weekends in Vegas, NYC, Tampa, and Dallas, and a few other places over the last few years and we have maximized our fun in all of those locations. No regrets, just great memories! Here's to hoping for a few more....

Day 20 of #reverb11 - Can't we all just be friends?

2011-12-20T09:05:00.000-05:00

Today is day 20 of #reverb11. It is also my second day of vacation. I'm bored already. What can I say? I'm one of those weird people that like to work. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something on most days. Most... not all.

Friendship - What kind of a friend were you in 2011? What kind of a friend do you want to be in 2012? (Author: @amanda_hirsch )

I'm not sure that this is a question really for me to answer. I would think that answer would be a little more legit coming from those people whose friend I have been this year, they would tell you the truth I'm sure.

What I can tell you is what I have attempted to do well as a friend this year and what I think I have failed at as a friend this year.

This year has seen a lot of new friendships form in my life. It has been while since I have made new friends. I have been in the same career for quite a while, still have my life long friends from school that I'm close with, and have a number of other people that I have had in my life for quite a while. I value all of those friendships and try to maintain and grow them the best I can.

The excitement of those new friendships has been a nice change of pace for me though. Learning about someone new, being introduced into their life, getting to create new memories and "inside jokes" has really reminded me of how great new friendships can be for my spirit.

As for what I have not done so well as a friend this year, I wish this there was nothing to mention here. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I have let a really close friendship all but slide away this year. We were really as close as we could be, surviving some really major hardships, leaning on each other and lifting each other up, allowing each other to be as scandalous as we wanted and never judging each other.

She was much closer to me than my own sister. But things have changed. From my perspective, when she found herself happy again and in a good relationship, she no longer needed me. It hurts. But I am happy for her and her happiness and still have nothing but love for her and value the times we do still spend together catching up.

My hope for me as a friend in 2012 is to remain steadfast to those friends that I have invested in and be open to sharing myself with new friends without reservation.

Day 19 of reverb11 - Moved by Generosity

2011-12-19T09:35:00.001-05:00

Happy Monday kids! It is a happy Monday for me because I am on vacation. Woohoo!

I still have to get up to get the princess to school and all but now the rest of the day is pretty much mine to do which what I please. I believe today will be coffee, kickboxing class, an overly long shower, lunch, and perhaps a stroll through the mall because I'm thinking Monday afternoon will be my best bet to avoid the last minute crazies that are trying to start their Christmas shopping. That theory may be off, I'll let you know tomorrow.

But now it's time to get back to the reverb11 goodness.

Day 19: Being Moved - tell us about a time this year that you were moved by the generosity of another.
There were a lot of generous moments that I was lucky to witness this year but I'm going with the one that I personally received the most generous gesture from someone that owes me nothing and really benefited in no way other that to get stuck entertaining me for a weekend.

I have talked off and on this year about my fabulous friend Blog Boy. This is the prime example of meeting someone interesting and genuine through the blogosphere and taking the time to invest in each other outside of the interwebz. It started with us having a similar sense of humor and smart-assery in common on our blogs and we actually found that we really are both the same in person and decided that was pretty cool.

I posted about our adventures, our first meet up over the summer and then my trip to annoy him on his territory this fall. The trip this fall would have never happened had he not cleared his schedule and made it possible for me to get on the plane and rock it out for a few days.

He knew shenanigans would be in total "dial it back mode" as I was newly involved with Twin and wanted to not fuck that up right away with doing my usual naughtiness and he totally respected that situation and just made it an awesome, pressure-free weekend for me. There's generosity in several layers going on with that situation and it was really truly touching and appreciated.

I'm lucky enough to have him as a real-deal friend in my life now. We talk several times a week, text frequently, and just stay in touch as I do with all of my good friends. We are doing life together now and it's pretty awesome if you ask me!

So, to Blog Boy, I say again...thank you for your generosity and just being so darn awesome!

reverb11 Day 18 - Doing Lunch

2011-12-18T11:04:00.000-05:00

Imagine that... me actually posting a reverb11 post on the actual day it was sent?? Progress people, it's progress I tell you!

Let's Do Lunch! - If you could have lunch with anybody, who would it be and what would you like to discuss?

I will be honest, this is not my favorite prompt. I hate that I instantly jump to the cliche' answers like choosing Jesus to get all my burning questions answered. Or several other "historically significant/interesting" people that everyone says they would like to have lunch with. Not that it wouldn't be cool to have a little Q&A time with someone that everyone says I should think is important, but I tend to shy away from anything deemed too popular, I don't trust the masses.

This prompt was effective for me in one way though. When I thought about who I would enjoy spending lunch with and what we would talk about, it's people that are still alive and close to me and that taking time to have lunch with them and really talk, like get into some important questions and hear their stories first hand, is totally possible. And I need to do it.

So, in that spirit, I really liked this prompt after all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some lunch dates to schedule!

Another pile of reverb11 - Gratitude, teachers, community, and a little loathing to round it out

2011-12-17T14:22:00.001-05:00

Yep, I did it to you kids again! Here I am, disappearing for a few days, and then dumping all of my reverb11 words on you in one grand swoop! No excuses for me other than to say that this week certainly did not go as I expected but I'm catching up now and will try to do better going forward.

Ready? Good! Onward we go....

Day 14: Gratitude - What five (5) things are you most grateful for from 2011?

Having things to be thankful for is not something I take lightly. I'm blessed and have a list way longer than 5 but here are a few things I have the most gratitude for.

My Princess. Really no explanation needed but she is awesome and smart and funny and healthy and brings me more joy than any other thing in the world.
My health. I'm lucky that I can do pretty much anything I want to do unhindered
My family. Not the same as my daughter because although she is included, she stands alone, but the rest of my family is always there when I need them and I'm lucky to have that
Resources. Not just financial resources that I work my ass off for, but also support, opportunity, and options
My schedule. I have a lot of flexibility to make my days look how I want them to most of the time. That's not something a lot of people can say and it wasn't always the case for me so I am doubly aware of how lucky I am to have that now.

Day 15: Teaching Moment - Sometimes we find teachers in the most unexpected places. Who surprised you as a teacher this year, and what did you learn?

The Princess has really been the biggest teacher for me this year. She is learning things for the very first time and is SO excited to share what she has learned with me. Seeing her figure things out, connect the dots on concepts, and grow so much confidence from what she is learning that it has made me want to step up my game and keep learning new things myself.

Day 16: A Community I Love - Online & IRL we're all part of a multitude of communities. Tell us about one that moves you

As my sunshine Rita so eloquently spoke to in her comment on one of my recent reverb11 posts, I am the same with my online community as I am to my three dimensional communities that there is really very little distinction between the two at this point.

I will willingly and joyfully admit that being part of this blogging community has moved me. I have gotten so much more out of the relationships, and yes I do consider them relationships, that have come from meeting and doing life with the people that follow my blog and who's blogs I follow in return, that it has enhanced my life in awesome ways.

As I have written before, I have taken more than a few of these relationships offline and am fostering them three-dimensionally and it has been awesome. Phone calls, visits, traveling together... it has all been an awesome extension of what started as simple admiration or entertainment from a person's words. That's some sort of magic if you ask me!

Day 17: Loathing - Who or what do you loathe and how have you expressed that in 2011?
It was mentioned that we could use this one to have a little fun so that's what I'm going to do. I think most people can literally see a person's face in their mind's eye when they hear the word "wet blanket". You know what I'm talking about? That one person that no matter how awesome something is, free concert tickets, an expense paid trip, an award given to honor them, they can still find some reason to complain about it. It's not enough, not good, not what they want, etc etc.

Kind of makes you want to punch them in the face right? Or maybe it's just me. That is the one thing I have loathed the most this year, people that act like they just can't be happy no matter what. Get over yourself already!!! Life is what you make it and if you want to make sure yours sucks than rock on with that, just don't think it is necessary to piss in my cheerios too ok???

Whew!! I feel better now!!

reverb11 Day 13 - Fear Not

2011-12-13T16:39:00.001-05:00

And here we are at day 13 of reverb11. I'm going to try to stay on the daily track now so I don't have to pile on 4 at once like I did yesterday. You kids are good sports though, thanks for reading through it all and commenting. Much appreciated!

Day 13: Fear - What scared you this year more than anything else? Did you learn anything new about yourself
Fear. I even hate the word. It's my 2nd least favorite feeling, coming in barely behind being betrayed and only slight ahead of being cold. I really really hate to feel afraid.

Most of things that scare me are things that I have no control over. Being a victim of crime, having a car accident, catastrophic asteroid hitting the earth, you know.. those types of things. Not a damn thing I can do about any of those things besides being careful and using common sense to help avoid a few, but ultimately, if it's going to happen, I can' do much about it.

Sneakier fears are what keep me up at night though... those things that creep in and F with your head when you try to quiet your mind. What if I can't protect my daughter from someone who has bad intentions towards her? What if I lose my job and can't support us, her dad will take her from me. What if I am making the wrong decision by being in this relationship? By ending this one? By not starting this one? What if, what if, what if.... two of the worst, most unproductive, words in our language and they are driven not by logic or concern, but totally by fear.

I guess my biggest fear is letting "What if..." ruin my joy. That would suck. So I try to fear not, and make the best possible decisions I can with the information and resources I have and not to worry about those things which I have no control over.

reverb11 catch up - Days 9-12 Disappointment, Beauty, and things that won't be coming with me into 2012

2011-12-12T10:16:00.001-05:00

I took a few days off to play and enjoy some real life so I'm playing catch up today as to not be deemed the "reverb11 slacker" as that would just suck. Here is the quick and dirty on days 9-12.

Day 9: Disappointment - What was the one disappointment that has turned out to be a blessing in the last 12 months? How will this affect how you deal with disappointment in the future?

One of my goals for this year was to move back to the city I was living in prior to ending up where I am now. I had all the plans in place for a move to, and then it fell apart right before the move was supposed to happen.

For a minute, I let all of the other hopes I had pinned on being contingent on the move happening fall apart too. Luckily I realized that the other things I wanted weren't tied to a new location, they were tied to me having a new perspective on where I was right now. I'm still working on it, but I know it's more about my outlook than the view out my window, at least for the time being.

Day 10: Beauty - Describe a moment of beauty that you witnessed this year.

This year, I have tried to take a moment in each day to find something beautiful. It has come in many forms and some have surprised me. Some days it's something expected like a beautiful sunset or a perfect blue sky. Other days it has been a song with really amazing lyrics that has struck me. Still other days have been the words that other people have shared with me, either in a post, a telephone conversation, or in a book. It's been awesome to realize how much beauty is around me when I really started paying attention to it.

Day 11: What do you wish you had done more of in 2011?
I can honestly say that there are few things that I feel I left undone in 2011. Pretty much everything on my "wish list" has been checked off. If there was one thing I wish I would have done more of though it would probably be to spend more time really talking with my friends face-to-face. I have a few really cherished friends that live too far away to meet for coffee or even do an overnight visit with and I miss seeing their smiling faces dearly! Email is good, the phone serves it's purpose, but being able to see them live and in person just can't be beat!

Day 12: 12 Things - What are 12 things your life doesn’t need in 2012? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 12 things change your life? (Props to original Author: Sam Davidson) If you did Reverb10, how are you making out on your 11 Things from last year?
1. drama with the ex hubs: There has been an uptick in this area since the intro of Twin into the situation. I'm done talking about it, it's not his business.
2. More stuff for my closets, cupboards, storage: I have too much stuff and not enough room. I need to sort, filter, and remove, not replace with more stuff.
3. Caffeine: this is a tough one for me but I have already cut way back on caffeine intake this year and hope to eliminate it all together for next year.
4. Cable news: too much anxiety and depressing news to have in my face all the time. The 24 hour news cycle is highly overrated
5. Politics: this won't be easy with an election year but I think getting rid of #4 will help me keep from getting buried in rhetoric and mud slinging
6. Groupon & Living Social: as much as I love getting a good deal and trying new things, I have spent way too much on things I really don't need just because they are conveniently sent to my inbox each morning
7. Feeling guilty for enjoying myself: enough said. This goes for anything from cupcakes to travel to sex. If I am enjoying myself, I done feeling guilty or second guessing myself.
8. Investing more than I get in return: whether it's relationships with a man, my family, or an organization, I'm doing running myself ragged to please someone when I don't get the same (or any) effort in return.
9. Jealousy: especially when it comes to wanting what other people have because I feel like they are doing it right and I'm behind the curve on something. I'm competitive in the wrong way sometimes. I need to be content with my situation as it is.
I'm going to leave the last 3 open as "TBD" because I'm sure that I will have a few more moments of clarity for items that need to be gone from my life for 2012 between now and the end of the year.
10. TBD
11. TBD
12. TBD

Day 8 reverb11 - Joy in a Moment

2011-12-08T14:23:00.000-05:00

It's good to remember the joys as well as recall the troubles. Day 8 of reverb11 asks us to do just that.

Joy - Take us back to a moment this year when you experienced pure, unadulterated joy.

I'm a lucky girl. I have many moments of joy in my life, it's a regular occurrence. There are times when I really will just stop myself in a moment and try to force a mental note upon myself, to remember this exactly as it happens, the feeling, the details, the happiness, forever.

I know that someday it will be forgotten, overshadowed by a different moment, or buried under another memory. It always happens that way. But for now, this is the moment that brought me pure joy.

The princess and I have our best quality time while getting ready to read stories before bed. I usually will cave and let her jump in my bed for story time instead of making her go to her own. On a recent evening, she was pretty wound up after her bath and decided she was going to put on a concert for me which consisted of her singing at the top of her lungs while jumping on my bed and then dissolving into a pile of giggles and attempting to tickle me.

We were both laughing so hard we were red faced and out of breath. And then she calmed down and decided it was just as nice to crawl under the covers and snuggle with me for a while. And that too was lovely.

That was one of the moments where I willed my memory to capture every second. To remember the smiles, and the silliness, the giggles, and the snuggling just exactly as it happened.

I hope that memory sticks around a while because it was truly a joyous moment and I feel so lucky to have lived it.

Day 7 of reverb11 - Forgiveness

2011-12-07T10:50:00.000-05:00

Day 7 of reverb11 is here. A week down already!

Forgiveness - Who have you forgiven this year and what was the journey like that brought you to forgive them?

I have a hard time holding a grudge. Maybe I should try to stay mad longer and withhold forgiveness in certain circumstances when someone does something deserving of such treatment but I don't. I used to. And then I figured it out.

When I am eaten up with anger and refusing to forgive someone for something, it is me that suffers from that, not them. They go about their business not really impacted by my anger or grudge, while I on the other hand let it steal my joy and preoccupy my mind with negativity when I could be using that time and energy to enjoy something positive instead.

I didn't figure this out gracefully or on my own accord. I used to really dig in my heels, cross my arms defiantly, and refuse to forgive someone until they showed the proper level of repentance and remorse to meet my expectation. It was exhausting. And it did far more damage than good.

So I just quit taking that approach. Now, when someone asks forgiveness from me, they get it. I hope that I am treated in the same manner because Lord knows that I do my share of hurtful things and nothing makes me feel worse than genuinely asking for someone's forgiveness and them refusing me.

Day 6 of reverb11: what made me laugh this year

2011-12-06T19:46:00.001-05:00

This will be short and sweet because I'm on a bus with my entire office after many many cocktails and am facing a 4 hour drive but i really want to stay on track w reverb11.

Today's prompt is: what made me laugh on 2011

Beyond a doubt it was the princess. That girl is silly beyond measure and is not afraid to act a fool to make her mama laugh.

reverb11 Day 5 - Guilty Pleasures

2011-12-05T18:52:00.000-05:00

It's day 5 already of reverb11. Today's topic made me smile:

5 Things - Describe 5 guilty pleasures

You kids know how much I enjoy my guilty pleasures! I am someone that revels in the joy of all sorts of guilty pleasures from bad television to too much chocolate to bedroom shenanigans and I do so very apologetically because let's face it, we all deserve a few guilty pleasures for having to put up with so much not-so-fun crap on a daily basis. I'll take an escape from time to time for sure!

So in no particular order here are 5 of my guiltiest pleasures for 2011

1) my weekend in Vegas over Memorial day with my best, shenanigan-loving girlfriend

2) my many rounds of incredibly hot sex. Honorable mentions for Fireman, Secret Agent Man, and the Twin
3) a few amazingly rich and delicious meals in one of my favorite cities enjoyed over several weekend trips
4) Lil Wayne. Yep, you read it right. I can't explain it but I love his swagga' and his music makes me happy, even the songs that should offend me. There is no way to logically justify it so I just embrace it.
5) Tosh.0 . Another one that makes no sense but I love that show, and that guy. I think maybe it's just all the people doing incredibly stupid/dangerous things that end up injured and/or embarrassed and then lovingly share it on TV with all of us. Plus his commentary is hilarious and I like to laugh so it works for me.

So there you have it, my short list of guilty pleasures for the year thus far.. we still have a few more days so I'm sure I'll find a few more to indulge in!

I probably won't be posting for Day 6 as I will be spending 7+ hours driving too and from a 4 hour meeting for work tomorrow, and it's only 7 hours if it doesn't snow and there's no traffic. Fingers crossed!

Check out twitter #reverb11 for links to all the great reverb11 posts!

reverb11 Day 4 - Addition through Subtraction

2011-12-04T10:12:00.001-05:00

Yep, even a Sunday post. That's how you know I'm serious about this.

It's day 4 of reverb11: Addition through Subtraction - What have you let go of this year and how has it affected you?

I've given up a few things this year, and dialed back on a few other areas of my shenanigan-filled life, but those things were really neither profound or life changing. They simply were me making a different decision at the time from what I normally would.

One thing I let go of this year was the excuse that I'm not a writer therefore I shouldn't write. I decided early this year that I was kind of done with that thinking and although I'm still don't consider myself "a writer", I started writing. And I did so with some amount of consistency and with as much honesty as I could muster. I have really loved it and by giving up my excuses and just putting my words out there, I have gained some amazing friends, a few fun writing gigs, and a greater knowledge of who I am and what is important to me.

I don't have aspiration of getting published and I don't have a desire to write a novel any time soon. I am just feeling fulfilled by sharing my words with my friends, getting my thoughts out there for discussion and in many cases, advice (free therapy??), and hopefully entertaining or helping a few people along the way. It's a pretty simple goal and all it requires is a little bit of my time and a willingness to keep being honest and open. I'm OK with both of those things so I intend to keep at it as long as it continues to be something that enhances my life and doesn't interfere with me actually living it.

Thank you for reading my craziness and coming back for more. A good adventure is always made better by having great company along for the ride!

reverb11 Day 3 - A Moment in Time

2011-12-03T20:19:00.000-05:00

I don't usually post on the weekend but for reverb11, I will.

Day 3: A Moment in Time - Tell us about one moment that you lived in 2011 that you will never forget.

I like this prompt. It made me stop and think. There were a lot of moments in 2011 that I took and respected them for what they were, something that I am experiencing for only that moment in time and that wouldn't be recreated or replicated or ever experienced in exactly the same way ever again. Some were good, some were not so good. Either way, I'm glad I finally have some awareness of that fact.

I could go with the heartfelt, tragic moment when my grandmother almost passed away while I was standing beside her holding her hand in the emergency room late one night. I could go with silly, when the princess and I were singing our hearts out to Lady Gaga with the windows down and the stereo blasting on a gorgeous, sunny summer afternoon. I could go the shenanigans route, when Fireman and I had the hottest, anything goes, hours long sex where we pushed boundaries and left no area unexplored. I have so many currently memorable moments, all are treasured but most will be forgotten sooner rather than later.

Instead of singling out one moment and writing a long dissertation on it, I am going to remember the small, but poignant moments collectively and be glad for the year I have been lucky to have.

"Soft-Core Friday" - So now I'm a Girlfriend & Day 2 of Reverb11

2011-12-02T09:55:00.000-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" (and day 2 of reverb11) kids!

I realized today that I only have 2 more weeks of work for this year so it is indeed a good Friday! This is going to be a bit of a mixed post because I can't let a SCF slide by but I really want to keep playing with reverb11 so you get both in one post: bonus!

I'm finding myself on this "Soft-Core Friday" with the official title of "Girlfriend" to the Twin. It kind of came out of nowhere and I guess I shouldn't be surprised because, well, I have been playing the roll of gf for some time now but hadn't actually had him say it until last night.

Last night we attended a swank giant holiday event downtown. All the movers and shakers were there. Twin was truly in his element. The man knows everyone and from what I observed, he seems genuinely liked by everyone he engaged with on the three floors of fa-la-laing fun we wandered through last night. I was watching him interact with ease and when he walked away, there were genuine smiles, no eye rolling or "geesh, what a tool" comments from the group he left so that's a good sign.

He has social skills. And possible political aspirations. We joked about that on the way back to the car, he told me I needed to clean up my past if I was going to be the First Lady. I think he was only half joking though.

I was introduced to many people last night, always as "this is my girlfriend..." It was weird, but I kind of liked it. So it looks like I have a boyfriend now. Hmmm... that's usually where things go awry but we shall see.
This is the song that has been playing in my head since... so this is your SCF song. An oldie but goodie. If I'm going to be a gf, I want to be this kind. Enjoy!

But enough about my bf/gf stuff. Onto reverb11

Day 2: My Children Will Do it Differently
If you could choose one thing that your children will do or experience in a different way than you have, what would it be and why?

Wow, this is a good prompt for today. I only have one child, the princess, but I have many things that I hope she does and experiences differently than I did. My biggest wish for her is that she always knows who she truly is and that she is loved and worthy exactly how she is. I hope she never lets anyone make her question that or doubt herself and her worth.

My parents really did their best to always make me feel that way. I can't fault them for anything. It was me letting other people override what I knew to be true about myself. I let negative comments chip away at what I thought I knew about myself, let doubt creep in over time and started to think that maybe what I thought about myself was wrong, that others saw me more clearly and that what they saw was truer than what I perceived myself to be.

I think everyone goes through a period of time of self-doubt. I am sure that the princess will hear mean comments or have her feelings hurt, it's inevitable as some people just live to put other people down. I want her to rise above. To KNOW in her heart and in her head that she is not what someone else says she is, but that she is loved and worthy and exactly who God intended her to be when she was created. And I hope that is enough for her.

I hope she is strong enough to not compromise herself to fit in or be accepted. I fell into that too many times and paid the price for not being true to myself and acting in a way that was not authentic to who I was at my core. I've written about that in previous posts, I hope she never experiences the pain and regret that I brought on to myself through those decisions.

She will have to face tough times in her life, I know that no one is exempt from that pain, I just hope that it's not self-inflicted through bad decisions made in an effort to make someone else happy with who she is.

And so it begins: Reverb11 day 1: 1 Word

2011-12-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, I jump into some fun little writing prompt group and have found some of my favorite posts have come from getting a chance to share myself while participating in them, like 30 Days of Shamelessness for instance. I didn't do all 30 days in order or as intended (or at all, I guess I did more like 20 or so) but I wrote and you read and I appreciated that more than you know.

I'm going to end the year in reflection and I'm going to use Reverb11 to do that because from what I hear from my sunshine Rita, it's awesome and I really should get on board. So I am. Here goes.

December 1 - One Word.

Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

2011: Looking

I have spent most of 2011 looking. Looking for direction, love, adventure... but always looking. Sometimes I would look with intention, with full knowledge that if I found what I was after, I would be taking action on it without question or hesitation. Sometimes I would look passively, more out of curiosity to see what was out there for me or see how someone else was living/loving/making it and just observe from a distance.

I changed looking to doing in many cases and that enriched my life over the past year in ways I never thought possible. I have met some of the most amazing people and had some fantastic adventures because after I spent time looking and decided I liked what I saw, I quit saying "no" and being practical and started saying "yes" and doing things and meeting people I normally wouldn't because it was inconvenient or I was uncertain or it took effort. I moved excuses out of the way and just did it. And there were some great rewards that came from that.

I also missed some opportunities because I was complacent and content to just look from afar instead of jumping in and experiencing it firsthand. I am still living in a place I don't love because I was busy looking at other places and deciding it would take too much effort to move myself from point A to point B. I let a friendship grow cold because I was busy looking back on how many great times we had and how close we used to be instead of fostering the relationship that it had evolved to be as our circumstances changed. I am still safely in the career that has become so mundane that it presents no challenge to me now because I have been scared to really go after some of the opportunities I have been satisfied to just look at instead of aggressively pursue.

As I look forward to 2012 and what I want to be able to claim as my "1 word" at the end of that year, I know for certain that I want to be able to say that I changed "looking" to "moving" during the course of 2012. It's time.

Thanks in advance for riding along with me for Reverb11. Hopefully you will want to join in the fun as well. Let me know if you do so I can follow your posts daily and show you some love!

The tricky art of birthdays/holidays in a kinda sorta relationship

2011-11-29T08:00:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I found myself upon the first tricky gift giving occasion in my kinda sorta relationship thing with Twin. It sounds like I'm not the only one in that place as we find ourselves facing down the gift-giving days ahead.

His birthday was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I had been clued in to that back in September by accident when I got the bright idea to take advantage of a great hotel deal and asked what he thought about the day after Thanksgiving for an overnight (I know, optimistic with my track record to plan something for late November all the way back in early September but I did none the less). He said "Oh, the day before my birthday??" That was my clue. Plus you know what a big fan I am of hotel sex so any occasion to book, is a good one.

As the date crept closer and Twin and I were still doing our kinda sorta relationship, all signals were "go" for our birthday extravaganza. I booked dinner reservations at one of my favorite restaurants so I had that covered. Now it just left the gift. Was the hotel/dinner/overnight thing a gift? Yes. But I would do that with or without him and he knew that so I felt compelled to do something specifically for him.

This is where it got a little tricky. Twin is a shopper. If he wants something, he buys it. Doesn't leave a lot of room for a girl to be creative. I thought about his personality and tried to find something he wouldn't expect but could appreciate.

Lucky for me, I think ahead. During my weekend away in the mountains not so long ago, I was taken to the coolest book store and spent a lot of time looking for something just random and quirky enough to catch his interest. He loves books and has quite a collection so I knew he would appreciate a new one for his stacks. I found the perfect book and snatched it up. It was full of random ways to fill your days and had some really creative, and some off the wall, borderline illegal ideas, so it was a great choice. So check off the creative gift from the list.

Twin is also a bit of a metro. His closet rivals mine, even in shoe quantity which is just a little disturbing but I'm coming to terms with it. I still have him by a solid 20 pairs so I can deal. I found a few pieces of clothing that I knew would fit, in terms of size and style, and went the safe but reliable route to round off birthday presents.

It was a success! All the way around. From the hotel, to the restaurant, to the presents wrapped in manly wrapping paper...yes there is such a thing.... it all worked. I'm quite proud of myself! But I realize now that I set the bar really high so going forward, I'm going to have to find a way to maintain my level of awesomeness... that could get exhausting!

Don' you wish you were dating me now??? I know... he's a lucky guy huh??

I had a few people say they would appreciate some tips on navigating the dicey kinda sorta relationship thing gift giving territory. I'm no expert but I have few a suggestions that might be helpful for you. Happy shopping!

1) What quirky/unique thing are they into? Maybe it's a collection of some sort or something you find them talking about or referencing frequently during conversations. Maybe it was something they did or somewhere they went that they really loved. Find a way to incorporate that into your gift or plans.

2) Make it about the two of you. If you don't have a lot of shared history to fall back on for reference, make it about creating a new memory/tradition with the two of you. It doesn't have to be something flashy or complicated so don't over think it.

3) Don't make it too personal if you aren't there yet in your situation. That can be guessing sizes if you don't have a pretty good clue, getting something that's too intimate for where your kinda sorta relationship is at, or trying to inject yourself into a tradition that you haven't been invited to be a part of. You don't want to scour his/her contact info and invite 100 of his/her closest friends to a surprise party if he/she hasn't even introduced you yet. That just makes it awkward for both of you in the end.

4) Don't make it too generic. Unless you have just started dating, you shouldn't cop out and go the generic route for the occasion. If you have spent any amount of time together or been in each other space on multiple occasions, you should be able to deduct some amount of personal information such as sports teams he/she likes, music he/she listens to, and restaurant/entertainment preferences. Draw off of those pieces of information to pick something, even a small something, that shows him/her that you are paying attention to what they like.

Just a little tip, if making plans that you aren't 100% sure he/she/the two of you might still be around for when the time comes, make sure it something that you would be OK doing on your own or going with a friend. You don't want the tickets/reservations to go to waste should your dude/chick flake on you. Hope for the best, plan for the worst!

Irony can be a cold b*tch, literally, and some other stuff too

2011-11-28T10:13:00.000-05:00

So should I be surprised at the little bit of irony experienced on this lovely Monday morning? Maybe, but probably not.

As part of my attempt to show gratitude daily, I had a little God time this morning and literally broke it down to a list of things that I take for granted every day but really really am appreciative for, comfort things.

The list was long but include things like my super comfy bed, clean hot water for my morning shower, my warm house as it turns colder outsides... etc etc. You get the picture. By 9am, I was advised my furnace was deemed dead by the HVAC repair guy and I have no heat until the new furnace goes in tomorrow morning.

Now I'm even more thankful for the warm house I had this morning. Funny how things like that work. (don't worry, they are bringing in space heaters in the mean time so I certainly won't be cold for long and I don't have to pay for the replacement so all is well)

But enough about gratitude and broken stuff... on to the fun!

I have enjoyed my brief hiatus from all things writing related. It wasn't spurred by any big life event or done out of protest for any good cause, I just wanted to take a break. It was good for me. But I miss you all so I wanted to hurry back and see what I missed!! So??? Fill me in!!

Since you only really read me to see what shenanigans I have been up to, I'll give you a quick update. Twin and I are still doing our thing. We spent from Thursday night through Sunday afternoon entertaining each other. It was fun. I took him to the city for an overnight on Friday for his birthday. More on the complexities of handling birthdays/holidays in the "kinda sorta relationship" situation later, it was tricky but came off well I think.

I have been behaving myself. And I'm not bored yet, but I don't feel I'm completely settled yet either. It's kind of a precarious position to be in and I'm not sure if I'll give in and go all in with Twin or if I need to just let things simmer for a while longer.

I'm not sure what my hesitation is but it's there and I am aware of it so I consider it valid for the time being. Or I might just be "mental" as my sweet Kat would say. Yeah, that might be it.

Above the Clouds

2011-11-14T19:31:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you all were distracted all weekend wondering how my adventure was going. (I like to think you were at least because I like attention) so I thought I would take a few minutes to recap it for you.

This trip, as alluded to in my SCF post, was very last minute but full of promise. It did not fail to deliver. I like bullet points so below are my awesome and not awesome lists.

Awesome:

prompt pick up at the airport by my beloved Blog Boy
Much much much laughter
great food, drinks, and atmosphere in a city much cooler than mine
a very productive business meeting on Saturday with awesome clients that I have been doing some work for
free chocolate, lots of free chocolate
getting to stand center stage at the historic Red Rocks venue
an almost-nap in the afternoon
a new creative challenge accepted
more good food and drinks
snuggling without pressure or awkwardness
coffee
more awesome food at the coolest tea house
shopping shopping shopping
made my flight by the grace of a 15 minute delay
found myself literally above the clouds

Not Awesome:

long ass drive to the airport
bumpy flight
sitting through perhaps the worst executed musical ever
getting stuck in construction traffic on the way to catch my flight
not enough time in the weekend
long ass drive home from the airport in an "end of the world" storm

Overall, the weekend trip was a resounding success. The company was excellent, the scenery was amazing, and I found myself feeling more optimistic about the future, excited for possibilities, and just in general happier than I have been in quite a while. So totally worth the turbulence.

"Soft-Core Friday" - Saying Yes to Adventure

2011-11-11T10:06:00.000-05:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! I hope you have had a lovely week and are planning an even lovelier weekend as we are about to run head first into it.

This week's SCF is in honor of saying "Yes" to last minute opportunities for adventure, even if it requires some logistical challenges, a few inconveniences, and a dose of uncertainty. Just. Say. Yes!

So why is this my "Soft-Core Friday" for today you may be asking? Well, let me tell you...I, through a series of cancelled plans, Twin being off on his own vague ~~sketchy~~ trip, stars aligning, and the overwhelming generosity and encouragement from a very dear friend, am off on an adventure that will involve a plane ride across the country and a whirlwind weekend of fun and shenanigans. It was booked yesterday if that tells you how last minute it was. I'm super excited!

This trip, in addition to a beautiful change of scenery, will give me a chance to spend a little time in real life with someone that has become a welcome presence of laughter, perspective, and support through the interwebz. Yes, it's the return of Blog Boy. I think he might be as excited as I am to get to hang out again, but it's just a hunch.

I'm not sure exactly what is one the agenda for this little adventure but I know it will be a good time and there will be a lot of great conversation and laughter which I really need right now. There was also an odd list of required items for me to pack: a positive attitude, a devious smile, and my favorite spatula, along with furry handcuffs, a feather boa, yellow rubber boots, and a bag of skittles. With a list like that, you know there is some sort of agenda at work right??

I'll give you all the lowdown upon my return next week. I might even invite Blog Boy to chime in and give his two cents on the weekend.

Until then....cheers to saying "Yes!" to your own adventures this weekend!

Bloggers I'd like to....well.... you know.... blush

2011-11-07T11:19:00.000-05:00

I can't really think of any better way to start my week than with receiving this awesome award from my darling Jewels! Saying "Thank you" hardly seems like enough...

I mean really, you know how much I like attention, especially of the "I'd like to F*** you" variety so this really did thrill me.

Jewels made the rules easy and I appreciate that. Basically, you pick BILFs and tell them why. Yahoo for simplicity! The hard part is narrowing down my choices to just a few because honestly, I'd like to have a special moment with each and every one of you lovelies, but I'm just not that kind of girl...most of the time...

First the boys:

Wow that was Awkward from It Was Dark, Stormy, and I lost my serial comma : because he has a really big....blog title... and makes me laugh almost every day. He's also great at making me feel good (about myself pervs), knows when I need to hear something nice, and is good at keeping secrets.

Not the Hero from A Fallacious Comedy : because let's face it, our make out is long overdue. He has as many, if not more, shenanigan-filled nights than I do did and he always lands on his feet, after sharing the good, bad, and ugly of how it all went down. I appreciate full-disclosure.

Brandon from My Own Private Idaho: there's just something about this guy that makes me smile and he has the best one-liners of inappropriateness... that is a talent and a gift.

And now the girls:

(yes I'm doing girls, especially these girls)

Lady E of Adventures in Estrogen: Because of her amazing toy collection and because Brandon left her hanging. I got you girl... we'll handle it!

Alyssa of Alyssa Goes Bang: This girl seduces me with her amazing words and her smokin' hot body. Total package she is....

My sweet Kat of Kat O'nine Tales: She was my first...and you always remember your first. Plus she has a spectacular rack and rocks a Wonder Woman costume like nobody's business and what's not to like about that?

Ok, I'm keeping my list short and sweet as to not cheapen the whole "Bloggers I'd Like to F***" sentiment. It's special, let's keep it that way.

"Soft-Core Friday" - Tech Love edition

2011-11-04T09:37:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday finally. If this hasn't been the longest week ever, I don't know what is! I have never been so glad to be on the verge of a weekend.

The week was good but very busy, at least for me. My boss lady was in town for the week so not only did I have to (gasp) go into the office all week, but I also had the obligatory after work cocktails and dinner each evening so everything, including catching up on the posts of all my lovely peeps, has been pushed aside. I'll be trying to catch up this weekend.

For this installment of "Soft-Core Friday" I'm going tech geek on you. I just got my first iPhone, the 4S, last night. I may be in love.

In span of a short few hours, I am totally enamored with the gadgets and functions and fun that it is bringing to me. And the princess is totally right there with me. The first app I loaded was a Barbie app so now I have to pry my phone from her hands to use it. Finally, something we both can love, that gives us what we want when we want it, and doesn't flake out on important things. Well, at least not yet!

Here's a pic of my new "toyfriend" He's gorgeous isn't he??

I'm hoping this relationship works out, I really want to keep him around for a while.

My Word is My Bond: Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

2011-11-02T22:51:00.000-04:00

It's Indie Ink time again. This week I was given a great prompt from Jen O but thanks to work sucking the life out of me this week, I went the path of least resistance with this one, it certainly is not my best work. I'll do better next week, I promise!

Words are just words

Simply said
Easily heard

Words paint the picture

Set the tone

Tell the story

Words capture the moment

Burn in the memory

Hit like a fist

Words mean something

Matter for nothing

Aren’t quite enough

Words bond you to me

Make you believe

Give you faith

Words break you down

Tell you the lie

Twist what is truth

Words mean nothing

Change everything

Make no apologies

This week’s Indie Ink Challenge came from Jen O, who gave me this prompt: My Word is My Bond. I challenged Liz Culver with the prompt: I'm the shell of the girl I used to know well.

It doesn't count if I was wearing a costume right?

2011-10-31T14:12:00.001-04:00

Well, does it?? I'm going to say no. Perhaps it's me justifying a momentary return of shenanigans-lite. Either way....

So here's the short version. Things went awry with Twin on Saturday night for a number of reasons, but the biggest one being his tendency to double and triple book himself and then just expect me to roll with it with a smile on my face and panties around my ankles. Not this time love, not this time.

We had plans for Saturday night for a while, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he would somehow not be able to pull it off as planned. I told him as much and also advised him that I would be making plan B which would be executed upon his fucking up our plans, if/when such fuck up would occur.

He thought I was joking. I totally wasn't.

Very smart on my part. As predicted, last minute change of plans came via text. He didn't see the harm in the change of plans and thought I would just redirect and head on over to his place. Sorry hon, plan B was activated.

Plan B ended up being a Halloween party that my friends band was playing in a small town dive-ish bar. I was not super psyched about the idea of it, but I decided to dust off the cheerleading uni, throw on some fishnets, hooker boots, and whole lot of eyeliner and hairspray and get my costume party on.
(Kind of like this, only with the aforementioned fishnets and hooker boots)

Such a good idea! It ended up being a fantastic night. Good music, lots of vodka, and the cutest little boy toy a naughty cheerleader could ever want to come across. And his Texas accent? Just made him that much more adorable. I won't even tell you how old he was but you have to be 21 to get in the bar so at least that's something.

Don't get too worried, I am still in "dialing it back" mode and I fear that logic may be sticking around so it was just a few hot make out moments. That's all. I promise.

It was fun and fairly harmless and was good for my self-esteem as we all know how much I want to be wanted. Especially by hottie little boys with sparkly blue eyes and southern accents. Ahem.... sorry....

It was good for me to just go out, dance, drink a little, be a little naughty, and yet come home alone.

Back to reality.

Twin and I are good now. He went to a concert with me last night and all is well. He also met the parents last night kind of by default since I had also bought them tickets for the same show and we were all sitting together. I think they liked him. I'll get an email from my mother soon I'm sure with their full opinions and commentary on the night.

So although the weekend didn't turn out as previous planned, I'm going to chalk this one up to the "Fun" category and leave it at that.

And besides, I had a costume on so it doesn't really count. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

See, I really can justify everything if I try hard enough.

Happy Halloween people! Go get your candy on!

"Soft-Core Friday" - Yahoo for the return of logic

2011-10-28T09:46:00.001-04:00

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! I hope you all have had a lovely, shenanigan-filled week. If not, it's not too late as the weekend lays open before you so get on it!

As I shared yesterday, I found myself on Temptation Island in the metaphorical sense with Fireman again. I appreciate the advice and the "I think it's #4" confirmations on my post and on Twitter. You guys are right and you called me out for being an idiot and I need that once in a while.

The more I think about it, and I am thinking a lot about the whole situation, not just about the fun parts of it, but all the complicated root cause type parts of it, the more I realized that it's not really about him at all. It's about me. I want the attention, I want to be wanted, I want him to want to come back to be with me. And then I want to tell him no. Because I can and I should.

In an attempt to gain some clarity on my feelings yesterday, I met Twin for lunch. It was nice. I realize that when I go too long without physically seeing him, I can talk myself into thinking I don't like him as much as I do. But when I do spend time with him, even just to meet for lunch for an hour, I'm reminded of why I like him.

We both had the same great idea last night for him to come over ala booty call style, or at least that was the plan. With our schedules and me being sick, we hadn't "been together" in almost two weeks and I think it was making both of us a little cranky. So we fixed that last night. Unlike my normal booty call protocol, he stayed the night and I'm glad he did. We needed that time to just be close to one another physically for a while and reconnect.

I have to be honest and admit that the thought of Fireman crossed my mind at one point last night. But it quickly served as a point of contrast to what was actually in front of me, a man that cares about me, wants me to be happy, and let's me know that I'm special to him.

So kids, here's a big hip hip hooray for the return of logic. I'm hoping that it sticks around for a minute.

And, a big thanks to my darling Jewels for sending the link to this new Christina Perri song via the Twitters last night. I am truly in love with this song and I hope that I can feel this way about one person in my lifetime.

And I'm back on Temptation Island

2011-10-27T14:23:00.000-04:00

So do any of you remember the awful reality show Temptation Island? No? Hmm, maybe I was the only one that watched it. Well, the link on the title has the best ~~worst~~ reviews and info on it, you're welcome.

The premise of it was that you took X number of couples that were at various stages of their relationships but who were questioning if they were right for each, split them up into boys camp and girls camp, ply them with lots of alcohol, and then put them in precarious situations with extraordinarily hot single members of the opposite sex and wait to see what happens. Genius right? Indeed!

And things went down just as one might expect, complete with hot hookups followed by tearful confessions of undying love for their bf/gf, or in some cases giant blow ups and tragic endings. Either way, it made for fantastic television, very cringe-worthy indeed.

So what does that ~~awesome~~ awful reality television show have to do with me? One word: Fireman.

He is my own personal version of Temptation Island.

Let's be honest, we all knew it was only a matter of time didn't we?

For those of you who are newish to Random Girl, Fireman and I have a long history of hot hook ups and a little drama thrown in for good measure. We haven't been together since mid-July. We didn't officially call it off, we both just kind of quit texting each other and thus quit hooking up.

Well, he's back. Or trying to be at least. I ignored him at first. But then I quit ignoring him. And then I started talking to him. And now.... well.... you know... I'm thinking about him in THAT way again.

This tells me a few things: 1) I'm an idiot 2) I obviously have doubts about Twin and I if I would be entertaining thoughts of Fireman once again 3) I'm finding it easier to justify the thought of being with Fireman in a strictly recreational sense while maintaining my not-so-official relationship with Twin 4) I'm an idiot

It's all theory at this point. It may or may not stay theory. I'm conflicted, but not for the reasons I probably should be and that is what kind of concerns me the most about my thought process on this whole situation.

Feel free to throw your opinion out there. I will probably ignore all good advice as I am excellent at making bad decisions all by my big girl self. I doubt this time will be different but who knows, maybe I will surprise us all, including myself.

The Dirtiest Window Had a Hell of a View - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

2011-10-26T12:04:00.001-04:00

Another week in the Indie Ink challenge. I loved this challenge prompt and had fun writing it. Enjoy!
***

“Damn, it is dark out here, I can’t see shit!” Sarah mumbled to herself as she pushed her way through the thick brush that surrounded the small, dark building. The garage was closed for the night and all of the techs had long since gone home. But he would be coming back if her suspicions were right. As annoying as this whole venture was, she had to do it, she had to know that she wasn’t just being paranoid.

Making her way as quietly as she could to the back of the building, she found the window that belonged to his office. The window was covered in dirt and was so filthy the light from the desk lamp could barely be seen shining through it. Sarah took off her black leather glove and dug through her purse looking for a tissue to clean off some of the sludge from the pane of glass. She needed to see what was about to go down in that room for herself and she wanted to make sure she had a clear view. She was positive it would be quite the show.

Like clockwork, she heard his truck pull in at 10:00pm. He arrived at this same time every night she had learned from her nights of following him that had become her favorite past time in the last few weeks. She had always had to keep her distance on the other nights as to not be discovered, following far behind him but seeing him turn into the long drive to the body shop.

Tonight was different. Tonight she had left long before him to give her plenty of time to park a mile or so down the road and be in position to watch his arrival undetected. She had never been able to prove that he was not coming here alone before, but tonight she would be sure by the time she left.

She could hear voices as the truck doors slammed. His voice and the voice of woman. She knew instantly that it was her neighbor Anne, just as she had suspected. They were laughing and then there was a pause, presumably for a long kiss, before the crunching of their footsteps on gravel told her they were almost to the front door.

She felt a sick sense of relief when she realized that she had suspected correctly. It would make what she had to do so much easier. Her heart started beating so rapidly she thought for sure they would be able to hear it when they entered.

The heavy door slammed behind them and she could hear their footsteps and laughter echo through the workshop before she saw the handle of the office door turn. She wanted to look away right then, but she couldn’t. She had to see it for herself, with her own eyes. She had to see them together to know she was right.

And there they were, hands all over each other and kissing like horny teenagers, as they almost fell into the office as the door opened. She knew how this worked. She had once been the woman naked in his office in the middle of the night. It had been her with her hands unzipping his jeans while he pushed her up against the wall and pulled her head back hard by her hair. He knew just how to get what he wanted from a girl.

Now she was watching it through a filthy window, almost like a movie. She couldn’t look away now; it was like she was mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of her, wanting to know what came next.

Out of nowhere, a man in a ski mask came bursting through the office door, yelling as he pointed a pistol at the half-naked couple. Sarah jumped back away from the window and had to stifle her own scream. The two lovers were crying and begging the man “Please don’t do this! We’re so sorry, we never meant to...” Pop. Pop. And then the voices stopped.

The door to the office was slammed shut with such force that it swung back open, leaving a sliver of light shining across the office floor. Mustering enough courage to look back through that grimy window, Sarah saw both of them lying in a pile on the floor, a dark shiny pool spreading out from where their bodies were.

She heard tires spinning and gravel flying as the gunman’s car tore down the long drive way and back out onto the main road. She sat there a long time, not sure of what to do next. She should have been sad, or at the very least terrified but she wasn’t. She was just feeling…relieved. Someone had done her dirty deed for her.

She walked the long distance back to her car in the dark and drove back to her house singing along to the radio to keep her mind off of what she had just seen. She needed a good night’s sleep.

She grabbed the orange prescription bottle that held her sleeping pills and shook two out into her hand. As she was standing at her kitchen sink with a glass of water to wash the pills down, she looked out her window and saw her neighbor, Anne’s husband, standing at his kitchen sink washing his hands. He smiled at her and winked, then turned off the kitchen light.

***

For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge this week, femmefauxpas challenged me with "It was the dirtiest window but it had one hell of a view" and I challenged Mary Terrani with "Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken".

I should have been a stripper

2011-10-25T15:18:00.001-04:00

In the middle of a boring Tuesday afternoon conference call, this little gem of career advice came across the Twitters compliments of @huffingtonpost

Strippers in oil boomtown make thousands in tips every night

According to the Huffington Post article:

An oil boomtown in the middle of North Dakota is proving that the laws of supply and demand apply to everything -- even stripper salaries.

As thousands of men move to Williston, North Dakota seeking high-paying jobs working for oil companies, area strippers have seen their salaries skyrocket, CNNMoney reports. Strippers claim that they can make $2,000 to $3,000 per night in tips -- more than in typical strip club hot spots like Las Vegas -- dancing for the oil rig workers, many of whom moved to the town without their families.

I knew that my career aspirations and Masters degree were a total waste of time. All I had to do was move to an oil boom town and shake my arse a little and boom! Big money, no whammies!

It's never too late for a career change I guess. Now where did I put my g-string and tassled pasties?

See, Kendra can teach me....she has her own class and I think I saw a Groupon for that! http://www.stripper101.com/stripper_101_kendra_wilkinson.htm

Beyond Repair - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

2011-10-20T14:54:00.001-04:00

It's Indie Ink challenge time again! I'm getting back in the groove but I have to be honest, these things are kickin' my butt....but at least it's in a good way.

Here's my entry for this week. My challenge prompt is at the bottom. Enjoy.

She slammed the door for dramatic value as she ran out. But she only got as far as the back yard. She realized she might as well just stop because he wasn’t going to come running out after her. He wasn’t going to say he was sorry or beg her to come back in the house. She was certain that he was glad she was gone.

It was a chilly night and the wind made it seem even colder as it whipped her long dark hair around her face. She could feel the cold settling in but she refused to turn around and go back. She sat down on the wrought iron bench at the end of the brick path, its white paint had chipped off over the years and rust began to leave brownish red streaks on the bricks below the sturdy legs of the worn bench.

Her eyes followed the streaks, thick and bold in color towards the source, then getting weaker and narrower as they moved away from the source, as they reached out on their own further down the brick path. That is how she felt right now, weaker and so much more fragile, as she found herself moving so far away from him.

Her eyes continued down the brick path that led back to the house that she had moments ago stormed out of. The path itself now appeared as treacherous as the feelings housed inside of her. The foundation of soft sand was now worn down in spots, leaving the once sturdy and straight pattern of the bricks disjointed and uneven. She was uneven, the pieces of her, of them, not fitting together any longer, making it dangerous to try to take a step forward.

How did it get like this, she wondered to herself as she thought back to weekend they had spent together so many years ago making that pathway. She remembered the feel of the cool sand as they smoothed it down to serve as the perfect foundation and the sturdiness of the bricks as they carefully placed each one in just the right spot. They had built it together, much like the life that they had so carefully planned and built together inside the walls of the now-distant house.

The years and the neglect had taken the toll on both, the brick path and the life they built inside the house. Moss and weeds crept up between the cracks in the bricks, forcing them into jagged, uneven places, not at all what they had intended when they worked so hard to build it. Arguments and hurt had done the same to their marriage. They both now, she sadly realized sitting on that cold bench in the dark of the night, were beyond repair.

***

This week's Indie Ink Challenge came from Kelly Garriott Waite, who gave me this prompt: Bricks in a sand patio. I challenged Chaos Mandy with the prompt: Despite the ocean in the way, the were as close as they had ever been

Dating a Single Mom? Here's one thing guaranteed to hurt her feelings.

2011-10-19T21:28:00.002-04:00

Pardon me, but I'm going to kinda sorta rant for a second. Bear with me, I'll be over it soon mmmkay?

Today was a big day as you know by now. Here's how a guy dating a single mom can really screw up.

Last weekend was the princess's big pre-birthday party, complete with my family, the ex, and the ex's family. We are cool so we still do family stuff together. I invited Twin but gave him a pass to decline as it would be his first time not only meeting my family, but the ex and his posse as well. I understand how that could be awkward so I didn't want to put him in that situation.

He took the pass which was totally cool with me, and opted instead to plan to come over on her actual birthday for her special dinner to celebrate. It would just be the princess, my parents, and myself.

As of yesterday, the plan was he was coming at 3pm for "break time", we would get dressed, go pick up dinner and the princess, and come back for dinner with the fam as planned.

So today at 3:40, no Twin. I texted. No reply until almost an hour later. By that time I was already on my way to pick up dinner and my parents were on the way to pick up the princess so we could start the celebration. He said he could "probably come by around 5".

Ummm, no thanks.

I told him I was already doing what we had agreed to do together due to his lack of response, and that he could just "come by another time" when it was more convenient for him.

Really?

I know that he is not the most punctual person, doesn't really believe in calendars, and is used to running on his own agenda but come on dude, you just blew off your woman's daughter's birthday....again.

For someone who claims to want to be involved in "the whole package" it seems like there are parts of the package that perhaps aren't quite as important.

I don't expect him to 100% engaged at this point, but I don't expect him to be quite this clueless either.

I will admit I am probably hyper-emotional about this topic today of all days, and I'm getting sick and feel like crap so that is probably contributing to my overall crankiness as well but for some reason I thought venting might make me feel better so I did it.

Am I being too harsh? Expecting too much? Putting too much on him too soon? Maybe...but maybe not.

The wall is slowly building back up...hope he is good at climbing or blowing it up.

Today is a big day!

2011-10-19T07:10:00.024-04:00

From memories of loss to celebrating what is in front of me...today is a BIG day! On this day, 6 years ago at 12:48AM, the Princess arrived and rocked my world in ways I could have never imagined. She has continued to do just that every single day since.

Today my heart is full of gratitude and thankfulness that I get to wake up and be the Princess's mommy every day. Even on the days when it is particularly challenging and I feel like I can't do anything right, at least I know I got one thing right and that's a blessing.

October 15th - Remembering

2011-10-15T07:00:00.047-04:00

I recently discovered an amazing site, Band Back Together, and this post is in response to their efforts to recognize the October 15th day of remembering for all the lost pregnancies and babies and those who have lived through the experience.

Here’s my story.

It seems like a person should be able to grieve any loss that they endure in their own way. That’s not always the case as I found out. And when you feel relieved by that loss at the time when it happens, then what? Do you later have the right to feel sad about it? I’m still trying to sort it all out and honestly, I don’t know that I will ever feel like I’m feeling the “right” way about it.

The summer between my Junior and Senior years of high school was going along well. I was working a shitty job but had two of my best friends working with me every day so besides the actual work, it was a lot of fun. I was going out almost every night, hanging with friends, making out with boys, all of the normal stuff that a bored teenager in a town that was much too small would be doing.

About halfway through summer, I started to get sick. I was vomiting, had really bad pains on my left side nearly all of the time, and felt really weak. Then I started bleeding. It wasn’t a normal “time of the month” bleeding, it was much worse and on-going for several weeks. Something was really not right.

I got really sick one night with a high fever, non-stop vomiting, and overall just feeling like I was going to die. My parents were out of town so my sister and her boyfriend took me to an urgent care facility where the first thing they asked was “could you be pregnant?” Of course not! No way could that happen. I was only with one guy and we used condoms so that was not on my radar. They treated me for a virus, gave me anti-nausea medication, and sent me on my way.

I continued to bleed and to be sick to the point where I made an appointment with my pregnant 16 year old friend’s OB-GYN just to be checked out. I could have a tumor or something for all I knew. She went with me to the appointment and I was scared to death. I had never been to an OB-GYN nor had I had a pelvic exam despite having been sexually active since shortly before I turned 16. I was safe, that should have been enough as far as I thought.

The nurse and doctor were both very kind. The exam was quick and fairly painless except for when he pushed on my left side where my pain had been coming from. The doctor was quiet as he ordered my lab work and sent me to the waiting area.

In the lab, the tech asked me, “Is this your first pregnancy?”

I nearly choked on my spit. I replied, “There better not be a pregnancy!”

I was beyond nervous at that point. Of course they didn’t tell me anything right then. They sent me home to wait for a call with the findings of the blood work.

I picked up the phone on the first ring when the call finally came in around 4:30pm the following day.
The voice on the other end of the line said, “Lisa, this is so-and-so from Dr. X’s office calling. We have the results of your blood work….your pregnancy test was positive. We need to schedule you to come back in immediately……”

I didn’t hear what else she said. All I heard was a loud ringing in my ears and I instantly felt like I was going to pass out or throw up, or maybe both. I just hung up the phone. I couldn’t think straight or talk or even cry at that point. What do you do when you are a 16 year old honor student from a good Christian family with high hopes for your future and hear that over the phone?

I sat at the kitchen table for a long time. Luckily I was the only one home when the call came in. I had about an hour to process the news until my mom came home. Oh god, my mom. This was going to kill her! How do I tell her? What is she going to say? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god….

When mom walked in, she instantly knew something was very wrong. She sat down at the table but the look on her face wasn’t concern, it was anger. She knew what I was going to say. And she was furious!

This was not the gentle, supportive “After School Special” moment that you see on TV when the pregnant teen breaks the news to her mom and she gives her daughter a hug and tells her everything is going to be OK. She started yelling at me, questioning me how could I have been so stupid, did I know that I just completely screwed up my entire life, did I understand that this was not HER problem and that she was not going to take on the burden that I had created. On and on she ranted. I let her; there was nothing for me to say.

She stormed out of the house, on her way to a pharmacy several towns over to buy a pregnancy test to see it for herself. That left me alone in the house again to let it all sink in. I just couldn’t believe it. Not me. This was not supposed to happen to me. I was careful, I was safe, I used a condom always. Where did it go wrong?

It didn’t matter. Fact was fact and I was pregnant. I called the doctor’s office back the following day and made appointment. He was concerned about my pain and symptoms and scheduled me for an ultrasound. I was expecting a little goo on my belly and that would be that. Oh no, not quite. At that early stage, a standard ultrasound wouldn’t show anything. I had to have a vaginal ultrasound which is basically adding insult to injury at that age and in that situation.

That ultrasound also showed nothing in my uterus. I didn’t know enough about pregnancy and what could go wrong at that age to know what that meant.

Well, what it meant is, as the doctor explained after reviewing the ultrasound images, was that although I was pregnant the fetus was not growing in my uterus. It was growing in my left fallopian tube, which is also known as a tubal or ectopic pregnancy. It was the first time in my life that I had heard that term.

My first thought was “Oh no! They are going to be able to move it from the tube to my uterus and I’m going to have to have this baby or ask for the abortion!”

I was soon told that neither of those scenarios would be happening. Neither was an option or a choice. I learned there are two things to know about that type of pregnancy: 1) the baby cannot survive and 2) you can die of internal bleeding if it ruptures your fallopian tube.

My situation was dire; the tube was stretched to the point of rupturing. I needed emergency surgery. I went straight from the doctor’s office to the hospital, was admitted and immediately rushed to pre-op to be prepped for surgery. It was scary, painful, and embarrassing and just really was not something that I ever thought I would be going through in my life, let alone at that point in my life.

I had laparoscopic surgery which means that they made three small incisions, one in my belly button, 1 over the left fallopian tube, and one lower on my bikini line. As soon as the scope touched the bulging fallopian tube, it exploded from the pressure of the growing fetus. I was bleeding out quickly. The prepared my mother for the worst and had blood transfusions on the ready. But I was lucky. They got the bleeding stopped and the rest of the surgery went on fine.

I was alone in recovery and for a while in my room. My mom was still very angry and embarrassed. She told my dad because she felt he should know but she didn’t tell anyone else. Not even my sister. Our cover story was that I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. Sounded common enough and no one would question it.

It was made clear to me that this was to be a secret shame on me, something for me to carry alone; I didn’t deserve anyone’s support or sympathy. I had been stupid and careless and if not for the grace of God, would have really fucked my entire life up. That is how she saw it and I was not to question it, ever.

As far as I was to be concerned, I had been given a “get out of jail free card” from God. At the time, I agreed with that thinking and decided I shouldn’t question why, I should just be grateful that I wouldn’t be teenage mother and have my entire future taken away from me. I wouldn’t have to embarrass my family. I didn’t have to tell the guy that he was on the hook for a kid as a teenager either. Besides a few scars, the whole thing had just gone away. And I didn’t even have to feel guilty about wanting an abortion because I didn’t have to ask for one technically. I just came out like a rose in this situation.

But I didn’t. In reality, I felt an immense amount of guilt. Guilt over being happy that I didn’t have to be pregnant like my friend. Guilt that I was prepared to have an abortion. Guilt that I had hurt and disappointed my parents, especially my mother, so badly. I even felt guilty that I didn’t have to have a baby when my friend did because I know how hard that was on her and how many people looked down at her for being a mom while in high school. Guilt, I couldn’t escape it no matter which direction I turned.

The thing I felt the most guilty about at the time, and even to this very day is that I was happy that I didn’t have to face the consequences of my actions. How horrible of a person I must be to be glad that I got off the hook, even when that means that the life I was carrying wasn’t there anymore?

That guilt never let me feel the profound sadness that I had over that loss. Every time I started to mourn, to let the sadness of losing a baby, my baby, set in, I would berate myself for being ungrateful for the second chance I was given to be a “normal” good-girl teenager again. I wasn’t allowed to be sad, or to even acknowledge that it had ever happened. I was expected to be thankful for how it turned out and get back to business as usual right away. I was to tell no one and I was not to ever speak of it in my house. That was my price to pay for my stupid mistake.

I didn’t tell anyone for the longest time. I wouldn’t dare. Many of my closest friends still don’t know and may never know. Instead, I acted out pain and hurt and did self destructive things to myself for a while. It was really the only way to distract myself from what had happened and the things I wasn’t allowed to feel.

At home, I was constantly reminded of the “problem” I had caused, the hospital bills that were incurred, and the inconvenience of the situation in indirect ways by my mother. She wasn’t a cruel woman; she was just so disappointed and thrown off balance by her “baby” finding myself in the situation that she didn’t know how to deal with it. I don’t blame her; I don’t know that I would do any better handling it.

Life went on. I played pretend that everything was fine and normal and good. I kept up my grades, partied with my friends, worked two jobs, and pretended that I wasn’t any different than I was at the beginning of that summer. But I was. My heart, and my body, had been broken in ways I never even knew were possible.

So here it is, in black and white. For all the world to see. I will not be ashamed of it any more. I will mourn the loss of that soul, because it is sad that it was lost. And I won’t deny feeling that loss because I know that, even in those circumstances, I have earned the right to

Let this also serve a few purposes on my pursuit to 30 Days of Shamelessness. I would say this serves to fill
#23. air one of your secrets , #13. speak up about something crap that was done to you and #12. share about a health struggle. Hey, it was a big, heavy post to write, I'm making it count for a few things...don't argue with me, it's my blog.

"Soft-Core Friday" - At 80+.... She's Still Hot

2011-10-14T08:00:00.004-04:00

Few things are as hot as confidence. And this lady knows she is all of that and a bag of chips!

At 80+, she shakes it like she owns it. And good on her! I hope I'm as fiesty as she is when I'm her age.

Enjoy Betty White, in all her hotness!

And this is for a life insurance company no less...genius marketing! For reals!

Off Tilt - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

2011-10-13T15:20:00.003-04:00

After several weeks (OK, maybe it was month or so) hiatus, I am back in the Indie Ink Weekly Challenge again. And a challenge it was!
*My prompt is at the end of this post.

Everything had been turned upside down today. This was not the beginning, it was truly the end.

Everything that she had come to know had been challenged in the course of the last 24 hours. She could have panicked; she could have joined the crowds of people that had gathered in the streets, in cities, around the world. Huddled together, praying and crying with the masses. But she didn’t.

A glance at her hotel room clock told her it was 1:00am but the strange glowing in the sky begged to differ. Flashes of light, like a brilliant diamond reflecting every color of the spectrum, lit up the dark sky in a dazzling way. She had heard of this phenomenon, the Northern Lights, or the Aurora Borealis as the more scholarly preferred to refer to it, but she never expected to experience the majestic beauty of it here, in the desolate heart of central Africa.

It was further proof of just how close the end was now. The earth was off its axis and there was no “normal” any longer. There was just a continuous series of unbelievable events that were occurring, some simultaneously, others in rapid succession, that had made her truly understand that this was the indeed the end of times. It was only a matter of days now until the earth became too hostile of a place for her or anyone else to survive on.

She was in the perfect place to write her ending. It didn’t matter that no one would be reading it; it was her story to tell. These moments that she was experiencing were too unbelievable to not be captured in words, to not be recorded in some tangible way, to be made real if even for a few moments.

She was alone now in what had once been a grand structure. The staff and other guests had abandoned the hotel when the first impact was felt, and news of the impending doom it would bring with it had hit the airwaves. Things had turned from quiet and serene on the desolate landscape to chaotic and turbulent in a matter of minutes. The usually skeptical locals even had immediately panicked and fled to their villages to be with their families.

But she stayed. She really had nowhere else to go, no reason to flee, no one was waiting for her. Now she wandered the empty hallways, most of the doors lining the darkened hall were hanging slightly open as they had been abandoned so hastily that their occupants hadn’t bothered to shut them in their rush to get out of the building and back to their homes. She took her time, looking inside the rooms, surveying those things that were left behind, what was deemed unimportant to its owners.

She had been left behind, but not by careless, panicked-stricken patrons. She had been left behind by him, years before. The feeling of impending doom and the world being off tilt was not a new feeling to her. She had been living in that state emotionally for the last four years. It was almost comforting to her now to know that everyone else could finally understand how she was feeling.

This ending would be different. This time, it would not be him breaking her, casting her aside, shattering her world. No, this would be her writing a different ending. The fools of the world can cry and pray and hold on to one another, but she is standing on her own this time.

She put her hand on the doorknob and hesitated only a moment, before forcing it open. The shock of the icy air invigorated her, pushed her forward, moved her closer to the beautiful sky and the mesmerizing pulses of jeweled-toned light that envelope her as she walked, deeper into the now frozen desert, relieved that her end would soon find her.

I'm so very appreciative the of the great brainstorming and editing resource that has, without question, helped push me to dig a little deeper. You know who you are!! XOXO

This week’s Indie Ink Challenge came from Cedar, who gave me this prompt: Set a scene under the aurora borealis, at 1am, with the temperature falling to 50 below. I challenged Mare with the prompt "She was a beautiful disaster."

Naked Girl in a Dress is taking over Random Girl - You don't want to miss this!

2011-10-12T19:39:00.001-04:00

This is a very good day! Today my friend Kelly, the brilliant voice behind Naked Girl in a Dress, is gracing the kids at Random Girl with a guest post.

If you aren't already following Naked Girl, go check her site out and add it to your blogroll...immediately! You won't regret it! She always has something of substance to talk about and sheds perspective on what a lot of us are pondering every day, including dating, divorce, setting goals, and recognizing the moments that really count in life.

She has been a great friend, both online and in real life, and has even hosted Random Girl over at her place. If you missed that post, you can check it out here.

Now, without further ado... I bring you Naked Girl in a Dress!

I was honored when Random Girl asked me to guest post today. She is a versatile, talented writer and a wonderful friend. While I enjoy getting to know her through her writing, I have also been able to learn more about Random Girl through our friendship outside of blogging. Simply stated, she is a wonderful presence in my life. Random Girl is always uplifting, understanding, and positive. I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer to write for her today.

Perfecting Who We Are

“I am never dating again. I am finished and am at peace with being alone.”

At least that is what I stated in a long email to a friend recently. It seemed, with my overwhelming sadness, my time for dating was over.

The cause of my angst was another breakup. What might be surprising is that I broke up with the guy. That doesn’t seem right to me, to hurt so much when I end it. I have spent much time wondering what is wrong with me. No one else I know becomes as upset as I do when ending a relationship with someone.

Why do breakups, even ones I initiate, hurt so much?

Why do I have an inability to casually date a few guys without getting so involved?

Why isn’t the online dating process getting easier for me?

I spent a week crying over someone who was not right for me, but I would miss. I was also upset I hurt him by ending it. I was angry with myself for feeling deeply and letting my heart get involved to this point so often as well.

A friend who knew I was struggling with the thought of dating again sent me the following:

“We should spend time perfecting who we actually are, instead of trying to be the person we wish we were.”

This resonated for me. Something clicked and I finally got it. I can only be me when dating. I am not comfortable serial dating, I feel emotions deeply, and I don’t like to hurt others with a break up.

It’s going to hurt again.

Own it.

Embrace it.

Be me.