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Friday, April 19, 2013

"Soft-Core Friday" - There's an Ex-Boyfriend in my Guest Room

Happy SCF all!  It's Friday again. I like that.

This week had me in kind of a weird situation, so you know that I'm going to share with the class.

As you know, I called it quits with Twin in February. Since then, there has been long, drawn out silences, accusations, and a lot of me hurting his feelings even though I didn't want to. I think I had to break up with him like 5 times since then just to reinforce that yes, we are never, ever, ever, getting back together (thanks T Swizzle!).

Since then, we have made a little progress towards him being a little less angry towards me and the heartbreak is numbing out some. Him showing up on my doorstep last week completely unannounced didn't help that at first as my first inclination was to punch him for not respecting my time or space, but once that initial anger passed, we had a decent conversation and he left feeling better knowing that I felt a little bad for breaking up and hurting him.

We left it as we might be able to get back to being friends at some point but for now, I was going to remove myself from his situation for a while so he can get on with getting on. It kind of needs to be that way for both of us right now. We agreed.

And then he called me on Tuesday. And asked if he could stay at my place as a layover on his way to a not-so-close city. I reluctantly agreed. And made sure he clearly knew that he would be posted up in the guest room and my door would be closed.

He arrived, dropped his stuff in the guest room, and then we had a pseudo-awkward hour of TV watching and small talk before I went into my office to finish some work. When I finally went to bed, there was someone in it. He just wanted to relax and talk for a while, which we did, before I kicked him out and banished him back to the guest room. And locked my door.

He left early in the morning to get on with his trip. And then I got a call that night that, low and behold, he was tired and wanted another layover at my place. Again I agreed. Again he was banished to the guest room.

This time he decided he was going to make a plea for "one last night" of he and I being together. His request was denied. I explained to him my reasoning, that it would help either one of us separate and move on from our relationship if we played make believe and acted like we were still together, even for a night.

He pushed back a little, as I expected, but the answer was still no. I'm not easily swayed once I make my mind up. He knows this. And it annoys him.

He left without incident early the next morning and we were polite to each other. Just polite. No need to create confusion where there doesn't need to be any right?

I've often said that I'm the queen of detachment. It's just something that I've been able to do. When I make up my mind that I'm done with someone, I'm done. It's like I can turn off the emotional faucet and that's just that. He's not the same way. He has been dwelling on it, and dwelling is not good. It makes him crazy and then he wants to take me along for the ride. No thanks!

How do you handle break ups? Do you ponder and dwell? Do you just pack it up and move on? 

And of course, the song for today HAD to be this. Sorry!


4 comments:

  1. Can you teach that detachment please?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah, I'm with Kylie, I need detachment lessons stat! When G broke it off with me, he did it just as you described, "...turned off the emotional faucet" and just shut me off. Problem is, I was blindsided and had/am having a problem with how he did it. Not in the "showing up on his doorstep" kind of way, in fact, I'm really proud of myself for not being "that girl" that goes a little crazy after a break-up. But still stings. Bleh. Anyyyyway, good for you for sticking to your guns, but I don't think it's a good idea to let him stay over anymore. More for him, than you. It seems that would just lead to more confusion or false expectation on his part. You know?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oo, Twin has it bad. I applaud you for locking your door and sticking to your guns, but it *is* a little outrageous he was asking for One Last Night. NO, DUDE. Maybe he can't handle staying over and being that close to you? Or maybe you should just play T Swizzle on repeat if he stays over. One way or the other he'll get the message!

    ReplyDelete
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