Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Good Problems

Good Problems. Is there such a thing? If having too many things to be thankful for is a problem, then yes, there are good problems. I realize that I'm the exception as opposed to the rule as so many people are facing things that just beat them down on a daily basis, but I'm blessed or lucky or a little bit of both.

I hope all of my American friends enjoy Thanksgiving and survive whatever chaos comes with it or shortly thereafter.

Be safe. Be happy. Be thankful.

Friday, November 16, 2012

"Soft-Core Friday" - Talking Twinkies

Today my friends, it's with a heavy heart that I share the sad news that Hostess, the maker of the beloved Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Ho-Ho's is shutting it's doors. Management and Labor could not reach an agreement to resolve an on-going strike and the company followed through on it's promise to shut down if an agreement could not be reached. *Commence playing of taps*

Now, there are few things that this girl loves more than sugary filled goodness and Hostess was always able to scratch that itch for me. Twinkies and Ho-Hos were like that ex that I could run back to for a quick pick me up after a bad break up with another guy. I found solace in the chocolate covered, cream filled deliciousness. Sadly, it will be no more!

Plus, it always made me giggle to say Ding Dongs and Ho-Hos. Laughter is good and now I'm going to have to find a new snack food to share my pervy humor with. Any suggestions?

I would write more, but I have to run to the grocery and buy out the remaining stock before they run out!

But judging by the still frame on this video clip, Bon Jovi might start making new music now that he lost his job at the Twinkie factory.
Hostess worker

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

How To Win Her Love

How do you win a woman's love? It can be tricky business no doubt. But someone is figuring it out, this E-card proves it. It's good advice guys, take it to heart!

I'm particularly found of #5 as you kids already know. 

Friday, November 9, 2012

"Soft-Core Friday" - Booty Pop'in

What a week it has been! I have seldom seen so much venom spewed and calamity claimed as I have in the last week. I'm over it. Time for some nonsense!

There are a lot of tools out there to help women with their...shortcomings. There are bras so padded that you can go from an A to a DD in the blink of an eye (just know you have some explaining to do if you end up getting naked with a guy that your DD girls bagged for ya!). You can go from short hair to long with a few clip ins. You can go from pasty pale to golden bronzed with nothing more than a few well applied passes of a spray can. There are tools to help women enhance their natural beauty false advertise in just about every way.

Including making skinny white girls booty-licious. Like Beyonce ya'll. For real.

Yes, I'm talking about the Buty Panty. Basically all you flat-bottomed girls need to do is slide on a pair of these sexy (cough) underpants and BOOM! You've got booty (or Buty) for days! These clever trunk junk enhancing underthings are your ticket to snagging the quality men. Trust me on this.

Now it wouldn't be responsible of me to not point out the side effects of sporting your Buty Panty on your next girl's night out. Side effects may include: double butt syndrome (if you get a wedgie with these, the butt cheek foursome can be a little unsightly), crooked butt (if you sit with one leg crossed for too long, your Buty Panty may shift), and severe awkwardness upon getting naked with someone as you register the look on their face as the disappointment sets in that your juicy booty was nothing but smoke and mirrors...and Buty Panty.

Genius or madness? You decide.

And the original Booty Pop product that started all had this handy dandy informercial. Come on, you know you want to watch!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Musings from the early voting line

I know, I know... I don't post in weeks and then you get this? My apologies friends!

Since I've been standing in the early voting line for an hour and have about as long to go still, I figured I would try to entertain myself while I was standing here.

Here's what I've learned so far:
Having only one early voting location for an entire large county is a bad idea.

Thinking I could get in and get out on my lunch hour was also a bad idea. Doesn't anybody work on Fridays?

People are voting. Lots of people. Old people, young people, white people, black people, white collar and blue...they are all voting. Here. Today.

In making small talk, most people seem to be voting early because they just want to be done with the whole political circus. We all agree there should be an opt out for all political commercials as a reward for voting early. Somebody work on that!

I should have eaten before I came to vote. If I pass out and get carried out on a stretcher before I get to cast my ballot, I'm going to be pissed!

Voting is important. Even if you're not being fought over in a swing state.

So as I turn another corner in this seemingly endless winding line to voting machines, I hope I've done enough homework, weighed my options careful, and make the best decision possible given the options.