A funny thing happened this weekend on my way to the...no, actually I wasn't going anywhere but a funny thing still happened.
I recently crossed paths with a guy who apparently enjoys the D/s dynamic when it comes to sexy time and for some reason, he has decided that I would make the perfect Dommes for him. Flattering right?!? The only problem is that a) I am not looking to be a Dommes at the moment (or ever) and b) I have no idea what would even come with that role nor do I necessarily want to.
But I'm a curious person by nature so if a guy opens himself up to me to share such a personal preference in rather vivid detail, I feel obligated to at least educate myself on the topic prior to casting a hard and fast judgement on the situation.
Upon our initial conversation (which he continually referred to me as goddess and/or his queen) he agreed to let me ask as many questions as I wanted knowing that I was going to fall on the side of "not interested" even before we started.
And he answered them all, not in a way that was sexual or that led me to believe he was getting off on it, he just openly shared how it works and his experience in the the D/s lifestyle. I appreciated his willingness to be so open because honestly, some of the stuff he explained to me was a little shocking, and it takes a lot to shock RG most of the time.
He explained that he is a cuckold. I had heard the term before but didn't really know all that was entailed. Essentially, thanks to his explanation and the super-reliable history of the term via Wikipedia, he enjoys the humiliation bestowed upon him by watching his Dom have sex with other men. This is not be confused with him wanting a threesome or being gay, which he doesn't and isn't, but is more about him receiving pleasure through basically being humiliated by his key holder being pleasured by another man as opposed to him. I don't get this concept at all but it is very much his thing.
That right there pretty much had me knowing I was 100% out. And I told him as much.
But he continued to oblige my questions with very open and detailed answers. So I kept asking because at this point, it was kind of like a car wreck that I couldn't look away from. Curiosity had gotten the better of me.
His particular take on the fetish is that he enjoys seeing his Dommes pleased by someone else. He also enjoys the process of helping her pick out a "well hung stud". He enjoys being completely controlled and essentially "sissified" by a woman in the bedroom. We are talking wearing women's panties and keeping himself restrained in a locked chastity device, not allowing release until he is told to by his Goddess, his key holder.
Sounds like a twisted form of torture to me but I guess that's kind of the point. Giving up complete control to someone is something I can't imagine myself doing, but I can see where it would be a bit of turn on in the right relationship and under the right circumstances. I just don't think that it's something I could put at a center of a relationship and feel fulfilled by that. But to each their own I suppose.
He claims to be a perfectly normal person in all other aspects of his life. He is educated, has a good job, owns his own house, is close with his family...all things I can relate to. He is just looking for someone that wants a committed, solid relationship and future with him, who can also fulfill his unique needs in the intimate part of the relationship.
I'm thinking dude, it's hard enough to find all of that when your tastes run closer to the mainstream, vanilla realm of sexual preferences, but throw in the D/s cuckold kink piece of the puzzle and I can appreciate how it may seem damn near impossible to find.
After our conversations and falling down the wikipedia-fueled rabbit hole of kinkery, I have learned a lot about what other people are doing in the bedroom. Frankly, it scares me a little but not as much as I thought it would. In fact some aspects are kind of a turn on. But, more importantly, I have a new appreciation for the fact that other people are out there looking for their perfect match and for full acceptance of who they are and what they enjoy, whether it's fetish or kink or plain old vanilla.
Ultimately, that's what any of us want right? Someone who loves us unconditionally, kinks and all.
Photo Cred http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/79/Fuzzy_Cuffs_on_Wrists.jpg