Friday, September 28, 2012

"Soft-Core Friday" - What are you looking at?

So few things are as awkward as running into your ex. Not just any ex, but THE ex. The one that you kind of fell in love with and lost your head over and then when it ended horribly, you hoped against all hopes that you just wouldn't ever have to see him again.

You can move (which I did not specifically because of him but coincidentally), you can avoid going any place where you even think he might go (which I did), and you can change your email, phone number, etc (which I did). You would think that doing all of those things might be really effective for safeguarding you against seeing his face again. And normally they would be. Unless you are on an online dating site. And then he can still pop up when you least expect it. Which he did.


And it's not the first time this scenario has occurred with this same guy. It has been quite a while since it happened last time and then he not only took a peek around, but felt compelled to send me a long heart felt email apologizing for being crazy and wishing me the best in my search for love. Not necessary.

It appears that this time around he just decided to take a look and see what I'm up to and what color my hair is now. No message. Yet.

It's still a little creepy if you ask me. And seeing that he has spent time looking at me again kind of makes my skin crawl a bit. Move along dude!

I guess it's one of the perils of having to put yourself out there in the search for what you're looking for. I just think it's a shame that you don't have the ability to slap a warning label on some people's profiles when you see them out looking for a new victim. Be warned ladies, this is one guy who is not what he appears to be.

Have you ever run into your ex on a dating site? Did you look? Be honest! 

And in the spirit of reinforcing my position on this particular guy, here's a reminder to him that we are NEVER EVER EVER EVER getting back together!

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

I have cried a lot this morning. I'm not ashamed of it. You know why? Because it feels really good. Better than it should, better than it would have had I done a little of it now and then instead of letting it all just build up, pushing it down, ignoring why it should be done.

Now, I'm letting it happen. Not excusing it away.

Nothing is wrong. Not by conventional standards. No death, sickness, or major disappointment. Nothing to warrant the unstoppable tears. But they have come from confirmation and from affirmation and from inspiration that it is simply just OK to do it now.

Something broke through the sarcasm and the quick retorts and the "shrug it off" attitude today. And today, it's just the time for it.

So I'm letting it happen, not rushing to be done or pull myself together, or making myself feel silly for it.

Nope, today it is OK. And I feel thankful for it.

Thanks to Not the Hero who had courage to post and the foresight to link to Haven, who did us a favor and posted this link. It's not normally how I would get from point A to point B, but it was the right path today. Sometimes you just don't know where you need to get to until someone else helps take you there.

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Looking for Trouble

It seems that I somehow keep finding myself in the same place. A place where I could and should be content, and yet, I'm restless. And when Randy gets restless, it seems I go looking for trouble. Or at the very least, some good shenanigans to entertain me.

After being in my new city since mid-June, I've yet to date with the exception of the one lunch date and subsequent flipping out on me guy. Sure I've been spending time with Twin still, but I can't quite connect to him in a way that makes me feel confident about making him my "one and only" boy.

And so it begins.

Trouble in this case comes in the form of a gorgeous 3rd year med student with an amazing smile. He should be good company for me this evening. Now, we are just talking a drink or two and good conversation, nothing too scandalous as I'm still in dial back mode as I have been most of the last year. Hell, I may have slipped into idle mode for as well behaved as I have been. I'm not sure I could go back to the earlier version of RG now if I had's been too long since I've gone all out on the craziness.

But it might be fun to try...