Wednesday, August 8, 2012

How to react to disappointment like an ass

I have a question for you all today: How do you react to disappointment in the early stages of getting to know someone?

Let's say, for example, that you have a good lunch date and try to reconnect with that person for a few weeks but the business of work and kids and all sorts of things keeps pushing the follow up date out?

Do you keep in touch via text, letting that person know that you "want them to want to see you"?  Do you accuse them of being married? Do you get angry and lash out like an asshole when she kindly tries to explain to you that although she had a good time upon your first meeting and would like to see you again, that she is OK with meeting up when both schedules permit as opposed to moving mountains to make date #2 happen as if it was on some sort of mandatory timeline?

I ask all of this because, of course, this just happened to me. Or I guess I should say it has been happening to me over the last few weeks. You guys remember my good lunch date guy right? How we had a nice time, he seemed cool, and also said he was OK with me clearly telling him that I wasn't looking for a serious situation with him, just looking for someone cool to spend time with when schedules and opportunities allow? Yeah, that guy.

On one hand, I can understand why he was frustrated and I acknowledged as much to him on multiple occasions as we tried to connect a few times and one or the other of us had to reschedule because of work or family obligations coming in the way. It wasn't always just me that had to reschedule, and when I did, I always suggested an alternate time/day for us to try to get together.

On the other hand, we had only been out on one lunch date so it's not like there should have been a big sense of obligation at that point right? Despite us both agreeing we had a good time and would like to go out again, I don't consider that a binding contract that has to be executed in a defined time frame. Maybe I missed the fine print somewhere.

Whatever it was, or could have been, is really a non-issue at this point. We were texting a bit last night and I must have hit one of his crazy switches at some point because dude kind of flipped out on me a little. I could almost hear his maniacal laughter through text.

He quickly showed a side of himself that could have taken me weeks or month of dating to uncover, it's a scary thought really. I could have invested in this guy and had feelings for him and then discovered that he has an ugly temper and isn't afraid to try to cut me down with harsh words and accusations. What a waste that would have been!

I think there is something to be said for intuition. There was a reason that I wasn't dying to fast track things with him and why I wasn't forcing the issue of us getting that second date in. Perhaps, after all of my dating highs and lows, I might just be getting a little better at feeling people out before I jump in head first.

Lessons learned friends, lessons learned...
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  1. Ahhhh, I was hoping you would be the asshole so I could feel a little less like and asshole. At least you dodged a bullet, right?

  2. The good news is he likes you. He has a bad way of showing it, but he is trying to fight to keep your attention. He doesn't want your eye wandering.

    He could use a manners class, but what is worse: Too much attention, or none at all?

  3. He sounds like a high maintenance bitch. I know a few girls like him.

  4. Better to know now then later but what a bummer that he went insane. will they ever figure out what they really want!? ;)

  5. Good that you found out now instead of spending all that time and then maybe getting your heart broken. Love your honesty.

  6. Ugh! I agree with what everyone else is saying, at least you found out now, rather than later.

  7. Why is dating so dramatic? I blame disney. Honestly. did he think he found your glass slipper and you were destined to be together forever and ever after ONE lunch date? Really? Ridic.


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