Thursday, August 23, 2012

Daddy's Little Girl - Will becoming a father to a daughter help a 'bad boy" behave?

I find it funny (ironic funny not ha ha funny) that sometimes despite your best efforts to try to leave a person or situation behind you, it still manages to find a way to creep up and sneak in on you when you least expect it.

Take for instance my recent reminder of Fireman that I happened upon by chance. For those of you that have been with me throughout the entire Fireman saga, commence eye rolling. For those of you that don't know the history, you can get caught up here if you need a good dose of deceit and drama.

The long and short of it is that although claiming complete singledom upon our meeting, he was indeed engaged at that time and went on to get married to his long-time girlfriend during the course of our hook ups, none of which I knew of at the time. He denied, denied, denied until I had enough hard proof that he had to cop to it. Then I found out she was pregnant. That, he continued to deny through the end of our communication, even when there was nothing left to lose, he still denied that he was a father-to-be. Basically, he's a real stand up guy.

That was that. The end. No communication and very few thoughts of him have passed since then.

So imagine my surprise when, upon enjoying my morning coffee and reading the local newspaper while at Twin's house last weekend, I see the birth announcement for his "she's not pregnant, I swear!" bundle of joy. A little girl.

I was not surprised that he did indeed have a baby, I already knew it was happening. What I was surprised by was unexpectedly seeing proof of it in small print black and white while I was innocently trying to enjoy my breakfast.

Since seeing the news of him being a father of a little girl, I have had one thought stuck in my head: Will being the father to a daughter make him change? 

It's one thing to be unfaithful to your girlfriend then wife, to be having multiple affairs before the ink is dry on your marriage certificate, to deny the impending birth of your child when you are only responsible for and accountable to yourself. But can you still justify behaving that way knowing that you now have a little girl that will some day grow up and could be the girl on either side of a shitty situation like that you have created for the women in your life?

Will being a dad make him be a better man?

I don't know but I hope so. For her sake.

I was thinking of sending a congratulatory gift for the baby but that somehow seems...inappropriate...under the circumstances. Right?!?


  1. My grandmother used to say "funny haha or funny odd?". Now my mom and I say it.

    As for the fireman, I hope this makes him grow up. For the sake of all involved. He was engaged to this woman and fathered her child and denied both until the very end. That alone speaks volumes.

    Will he stop cheating, probably not. But as for being a good father, I think that's still to be determined. Is it possible to be a shitty husband but be a good father?

    1. I'm optimistic on the general question of if a guy can be a good dad while being a shitty father. I think the answer is yes. I hope it is yes. But eventually that little girl grows up, gets wise, and sees the truth about him...then what?

  2. Sadly, I don't think it will change him. Of course, I don't know him at all, but just from what I've read from your posts and what he's done, I just don't see it happening. Or perhaps I'm just jaded. My "HIM", is engaged, and he's still calling me. On the sly, of course. -For that precious little baby's sake, I hope I'm wrong about your Fireman.

    By the way, just curious, but did it bother you or make you sad when you read about the birth?

    1. Your HIM just needs to go away and leave you in peace. His constantly resurfacing while offering your nothing of value is destructive for both of you. Block him, girl!
      As for how I felt when I read about the birth, I was almost...hopeful. I had hope that he would see the light and do better because of her. Of course that was after I yelled "I knew it!" when I saw confirmation of my assumption and his denial in print in front of me. I'm kind of disappointed that I have any emotional reaction to anything that involves him still but I do. I'm a flawed human, what can I say?

  3. Could it really make him any worse? I mean is that even possible? Just saying...

    I sure hope that it changes him, gives him a new perspective on things, but in all honesty I doubt it. He just doesn't seem like the kind to learn from his mistakes.

  4. I doubt he'll change. The stress of the kid may actually drive him away quicker.

  5. I think the odds of him becoming a better person because of the sex of his new born child are slim to none. For me it brings up another point I saw a single father make on Twitter a few weeks back. The long as short being, that she can't have custody of their little girl because she has 4 kids with 4 daddies and obviously shouldn't be raising a daughter. Perhaps some will think ill of me for this, but I couldn't help but agree.

    I think it takes a lot for people to change. Sometimes that change is sparked by the birth of a child, but not as often as it should be.

  6. God I hope he gets his shit together. For his daughter's sake.


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