Monday, June 25, 2012

When Two is Too Many but One isn't Enough

So I guess you can take the girl out of the city but you can't keep the boys from following. At least that's my current dilemma and I think I may have painted myself into a corner on this one kids!

So here's the scenario: Girl dates two boys, girl moves 2 hours away fully anticipating that one or both boys will lose interest and go away thus resolving said dilemma, both boys amp up their game and leave girl in very sticky situation.

Yep, they followed me. With enthusiasm. Normally loads of extra attention and confessions of deep rooted feelings of lovey stuff would be my dream come true but under this particular set of circumstances, not so much.

Twin has brought his A game in light of my need for assistance with all things move related and I'm guessing partly in response to him knowing that I'm dating LB and intend to continue to do so. LB has been more enthusiastic than ever and has moved mountains to find a way to spend extra time with me. So what happens when both boys are on overdrive for time with yours truly? Scheduling conflicts, that's what!

This first weekend in my new place was the perfect example of why I should have a rotating door installed. For real. Twin held down Friday night, but then LB got off work on Saturday and wanted to come down on Friday instead of Saturday as we had planned. I avoided that awkward moment by telling LB I already had plans, which I did, and that we would need to keep on Saturday.

So I sent Twin off with a pout on Saturday morning with no promise of when he would see me again. He was staying with some friends in the city because he was going to a concert a venue close by but assured me he wouldn't show up and cause drama for me and LB. LB arrived a little late but we salvaged the evening with a great dinner and some live music. He had to head out of town early on Sunday so I was left to my own devices. Until Twin met me for some time in the sun, which turned into the day, which turned into fireworks at a festival later that night. Sigh....

Here is my problem. I like both guys. I want to spend time with both guys. I totally look at each of them as separate relationships, independent of each other, and I have things I really like and things I'm not so thrilled about with both of them. I have no reason to quit either except for the guilt I have about spending my time and feelings on two different people.

I think I may just be poly amorous. And I don't know what I think about that. It's been a foreign concept for me up to this point, never really understanding how a person could have two completely different relationships going simultaneously. But I do. I don't really have a reason or desire to break off either one of them.

So now what?!? This is totally new territory for me. I think I've discovered a new level of emotional dysfunction even for me.

I know that Twin's tolerance for the time-share arrangement is growing thin and I can't blame him. And LB is not as aware as he could be of the exact nature of Twin and I's deal.  I guess the situation may resolve itself on its own but I'm not sure if I want to lose either of them. I guess I'll either have to make a decision of who to continue with or wait for one of them to tell me to F off. Can't say I wouldn't deserve it.


  1. Haven't you ever watched The Bachelorette? Hell. You're living every girls' dream right now. Especially since they are both bringing their A Game. That's the beauty of men. Competition brings out the best in men. Not so much in women. That's why I refuse to watch The Bachelor. lol. I would say stop being so hard on yourself. You're dating. I don't know if you have any desire to choose yet. And why should you? The better man will stay the course and the other won't. Have you ever read the 4 Man Plan? It's an actual dating strategy. The only major rule is that you can only sleep with one guy at a time. Meaning if you were sleeping with Twin you wouldn't be able to sleep with LB until you were no longer sleeping with Twin. I want to high five you! And I get it. I SO get it. Don't beat yourself up. Don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're awesome and you are not doing anything wrong. You're doing what men do all the time. I don't know if any of that helps, but if I could, I would hug you. xo

  2. Glad you are having fun with your house boys. I could use a few house girls.

  3. Can I just say that you are my hero!!!!! Being an old married gal for 26 years, I'm going to live vicariously through you.

  4. I agree, you are just dating right now and aren't committed to either guy, so don't feel guilty. That said, I can understand how that can feel like constantly being in limbo, never feeling quite settled. But you just moved to a new town and have some adjusting to do; give yourself a break, you don't have to rush to a decision right now. Have some fun, Randy! And then tell us all about it! ;)

  5. I was approached by somebody who was polyamorous when I was using online dating. I definitely wasn't for it...then. The more I think about it the more I just can't wrap my head around only caring for one person. When you have a heart as large as mine I just can't imagine limiting myself to one person. That being said maybe I just haven't met the right guy but until then I say have a blast. Be honest with LB and then see if you can make things work.

  6. Oh girlys! Can I just say, when I met Hubby - there was no question of there being anybody else after that. And I have a massive heart. There's lots of guys out there who are 'almost' right, not so many who fit really well, if you get me! But you, lovely Random Girl, are just dating. Experimenting, finding out. Have fun, keep it open ... enjoy lady.

  7. Having had many poly relationships I'll say this: It's exhausting. I'm certainly capable of caring for multiple people at one time, but I honestly don't believe I have the energy or emotional capacity for it, which ultimately becomes my problem. I could say more, maybe I will... I'll think on it.

  8. You don't have to feel guilty at all, my darling, you are DATING--which seems to be a foreign concept anymore in our culture anymore where you go on two dates and BOOM you're a couple. You're being honest with both of them that it's not an exclusive thing, so I think you're aces until you decide which one (or amyeb neither) you want to take to the enxt level.

  9. Yikes. Although I do agree with Kat. Dating seems to have become non-existent. " go on two dats and BOOM you're a couple" That right there is exactly why I avoid dating at all. But still, don't feel guilty. One will (should?) eventually outweigh the other. And either you or they will make that decision. For now, enjoy it!

  10. I get why you DO feel conflicted -- both boys are bringing their "A games" and expecting to get the majority of your time. But they have their expectations, and you have yours. You're under no obligation to bend to someone else's will. I say keep going! Either they'll give up, or they won't -- either way it shouldn't be your guilt as long as you're being honest. They shouldn't expect to change you, just like we girls always say we shouldn't try to change a guy!

  11. You're only a mere mortal woman. At one time, not too long ago socially speaking, women had sex with many men at a time. She most often gave priority to an "alpha" . . and allowed non alphas access to her as long as they provided and took care of her and her offspring. I'm sure you've heard this story before...

    1. Perhaps I was just born in the wrong era, I think the "main consort with many others allowed" concept may have fit me well.


I like attention, so give me some please!