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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Laying down the law on Jorts

While I'm off running on the sandy shores of somewhere, the gorgeous and hilarious Deb from Just Keepin' It Real Folks is here to tell you kids a story. She is my daily dose of happy and a kindred spirit of finding joy in the utterly ridiculous! You must have been very, very good to deserve such a treat.



Jorts- An American Original


Summer is fast approaching folks. Time to put away those heavy winter clothes, and break out the duds for some fun in the sun. Ya know like a flowery sundress, a rockin' hot bikini, a versatile tank top, and an awesome pair of jorts. SERIOUSLY, what is summer without a pair of jorts???? The urban dictionary lists quite a few definitions for these flashy fashion staples. Some of my favorites are: a combination of the words "jeans" and "shorts" used to describe the hideous attire usually sported by NASCAR aficionados and men over 40; worn mostly by children and douchebags; jorts are perhaps the easiest way to recognize people you will not like; and if you wear jorts you probably don't talk to girls. Well damn, I had no idea there was so much outrage about jorts. Hell, there's even entire websites devoted to people just "saying NO" to jorts!!!



When I was growing up in the dark ages, every man looked like this dude. He was your Dad, he was your teacher, he was your coach, he was your neighbor, and he wore jorts and no one gave it a second thought. Now granted I'm a transplanted Yankee livin' in a southern town, so maybe things are a bit different here. But if you wear jorts in these here parts, you are regarded as white trash. Lemme tell ya, there is a difference between white trash and redneck, according to my born and bred southern friends. Rednecks are just good ol' boys. White trash is scum, and folks don't take kindly to trash wearin' wife beaters and a pair of jorts.



But come on, when you can wear a one piece thong with a pair of jorts, the jorts become a necessary accessory!!!! Just look how fabulous the light blue denim color of the jorts brings out the pretty pattern in the one piece. Plus, the jorts fit nice and low on her hips to show perfect symmetry of her lower back for the full effect of the thong, while still leaving a bit for the imagination for her guy. A little teaser before her man wants to slide those jorts off and get busy.



 Now with gams like that, and an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of, jorts are the perfect choice to show off your assets. WORK IT GIRL!!!! She kinda makes me wanna sing the theme song from that old Nair commercial, "Who wears short jorts, we wear short jorts". And how about those fancy cutouts on her butt? That takes some special kinda talent if that was a DIY project.


But just when I thought me and my hubby didn't have any secrets from each other, I go through his drawers and what do I find? YEPPERS, a pair of Cherokee brand jorts, circa 1993.  Just goes to show ya folks, you can take the boy out of West Virginia, but you can't take the West Virginia out of the boy. I think I might go buy him a wife beater so he will have the perfect ensemble for date night.

Thank you so much RG for allowing me to house sit for a day while you were enjoying some R & R.  
I sure hope I didn't make too much of a mess.


Images via Google Images

13 comments:

  1. MY EYES!!! WHY!? What the hell did I ever do to you? I'm a good person damn it! *cries in corner*





    Good guest post. Thanks...I think. *rocks slowly*

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  2. Jorts do tend to have that effect on some folks Jewels. Perhaps I could make it up to you by sending you a picture of Richard Simmons in his short shorts? That's a keeper fo' sho!!!

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  3. Let me just say I LOVE you for this post... ok, now let me go read it =]

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  4. I LOVE those definitions!

    The boyfriend this these atrocities are acceptable summer attire. I told him flat out "I a NOT kidding, if you wear those and we're supposed to go somewhere, I will NOT go with you". What's worse, he wears them with Timberlands...

    How do I make him see the light?!

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    Replies
    1. The problem is that guys just don't see the problem, hence, the 1993 jorts I found in my hubby's drawer. If he wears jorts, you wear camo. Even Steven.

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  5. Although it is REALLY early in the morning for pictures like those, I am so glad that I read this because it gives me a reason to be glad it is raining today. We have had absolutely beautiful weather the past three days, but along with sunshine come far too many jorts. Bring on the rain and leggings as pants!

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    Replies
    1. But what happens if they just wear their jorts over their leggings?

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    2. Then presumably the cellulite is covered up. And maybe the butt crack. But that might be asking too much.

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  6. Gawd that was awful ;) Always a blast though!

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  7. Oh, for the love of God, I've seen enough JORTS to make it through the summer. Stop, no more, please!! hahahaha

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    Replies
    1. I'm so glad all of you ladies are enjoying the jorts so much. Just wondering why none of the guys are commenting. LOL

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  8. excuse me. i must go and burn every pair of jorts ever made.

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  9. I'm going to go burn down a Walmart now...

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