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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lack of Leaping (screwed by my own emotional slowness)

It's probably fairly fitting that this post would go up on leap year. It's ironic mostly considering my inability to leap, or fear to take a solid step even. 

Yes, that's right kids, my fear and emotional slowness are at an all time high right now. Let's just put it all out there, shall we? 

I haven't mentioned Jr. High Crush in a while, and there is a reason for that. Things are going well. Things could be going really really well if I wasn't such a closed off pain in the ass most of the time. This one is on me. I am the roadblock. I own it. 

First, a quick update. Jr. High Crush and I have been going strong, well as strong as we can with work and conflicting kid schedules (and my emotional slowness in full effect), but we are managing to find time to see each other in some capacity as often as we can. 

What is different, and maybe not quite what I expected, is that he is really just open about who he is, what he is feeling, and what he wants. No games. How can I function with no games?? I have spent years deciphering the cryptic meanings behind words and gestures only to now have a guy that lays it all out in plain English for me? I'm not quite sure how to handle all of this honesty and forthrightness. 

It's not really the honesty and forthrightness that I'm having a hard time handling, it is my reaction and then the expectation that I feel is put on me to try and return the favor. I have done a good job of bobbing and weaving to avoid a direct hit so far, but eventually I'm going to have to open up to him. The only problem is, that I'm not sure exactly what that means right now. What I am sure of is that I for some reason, am almost completely unable to understand and admit my feelings to myself, let alone share it with him at this point. 

So I'm going to try and give a test run on you guys. I hope that is OK. 

There are things about Jr. High Crush that I knew from before or figured out right away:
He is shorter than me (and I don't even really mind despite my previous rant on "Size Matters")
He is kind and genuine
He is a great dad
He puts family first
He invests in things he thinks are worth investing in
He is honest
He has good taste in music
He almost died twice in the last year. 
He really really likes me

There are also things about Jr. High Crush that I am learning for the first time:
He has a lot of collections. All valuable things that he is super-knowledgeable about, but not a single interest in common from that standpoint
He is an old soul. I have heard that said about people before but never really got it until I saw it firsthand with him
He is most likely never moving from his small town
He has a cat, or his daughter does I guess I should say. I am not a fan of cats in general, so of course his loves me and won't go away. 
He wants us to be in a relationship, officially. And do things that people in relationships do like vacation with our daughters and meet each other's families. 

Overall, there aren't a lot of things about him that I don't like, just several things about him that I fail to understand and question whether I could be accepting of those things if this were to become a long-term situation. 

The biggest one being the small town thing. I have nothing against small towns. I grew up in one and I think I turned out OK. But I have been a city girl almost as long as I was in the small town and I for sure prefer the city and want my daughter to grow up in one.  He owns a house and it is full of his collections and he already told me that he isn't moving. I would never move there. In fact, when school is out this summer, I am moving two hours in the opposite direction to an even bigger city. It's pretty much set in stone. He is not happy about that.

Other than our single-parenting, small town upbringing,  and taste in music, we have very little in common. We don't pretend that we don't know it, we both fully acknowledge the fact. But we are still fond of each other. And despite not having had sex yet (I hear you gasping...take a minute and let that sink in...) we have tested the waters enough to confirm that there is an intense physical chemistry between us as well. Talk about complaining about something that is not a problem, right?? 

It's a situation where really nothing is wrong at the moment, but I can't see how or where our lives would fit together down the road based on everything I know about each of us now. So I'm kind of stuck. 

Do I keep enjoying the ride and letting each of us invest more emotionally into each other only to know that it's going to end with disappointment or do I stop a good thing in its tracks, be thankful for the time we've had, and cut my losses before I get any more attached? 

See? I told you I was emotionally stunted! 

Any advice for me? 

23 comments:

  1. Why count yourself out and look for reasons to split, when you don't need to split? If he wants to move in together, then let the red flags wave. Until then, let him know your feelings. If things start to evolve into 'the next level,' deal with it then. Not now.

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    1. Oh Lost, you and your damn logic! Always talking me out of my craziness...sigh..

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  2. Why must Lost always be the first to comment and do it so wisely? Ugh. *shakes fist*


    There have been times in the past where you have been more than happy to overlook some flaws and for men who are much less healthy for you *coughfiremancough* so I see no reason to go running from something that could be great. There is just as much a chance that it could be wonderful as there is that it could end poorly.

    As per my post today "There is only one way to live this life...And that is with an open heart and no fear...Life doesn’t slow for the timid...
    It doesn’t bend to the bruised"

    I say trust in something that has been years and years in the making and excites you and let the chips fall where they may knowing that you lived your life open to all possibilities of love and happiness. HUGS sweets.

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    1. Jewels, your post was the perfect answer to my question, that is fate I say! Thanks for the perspective!

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  3. Brandon and Jewels are dead on. I don't think now is the time to start worrying or waving flags. You've have plans to move for some time now. Follow through with that. If he continues to want to see you, and vice versa, go from there. I don't see any reason to end things so prematurely.

    As far as common interests, are there *really* none? Is it possible for you to find something new that you both enjoy and share it?

    I may be wayy off, and I know the circumstances are much different, but is it possible you're feeling more reserved this time because of how things went with Twin?

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    1. Good question Michael, you are making me think now... I'm not sure I like it but I'm pretty sure I need to do some more of that.

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  4. I know I'm a newcomer to your blog, and an older married woman, but I would give it a shot instead of discounting it right now. Look at all of the great qualities you listed about him. Focus on those, rather than the obstacles, and maybe you will find that you have more in common than you think.

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    1. There are a lot of great qualities huh? That is a good problem to have I guess. Thanks for the comment!

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  5. Does he wear a track suit and carry a small dog? If so, keep him!

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    1. I haven't seen a track suit yet.... but he is getting a puppy so there is hope! I'll keep you posted!

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  6. My advice is to be as honest with him as he is with you, only leave out the "I don't think this is going to work" part. If you like him and things are going well, then enjoy the ride. I understand your reluctance to open your heart to him when the long-term prospects are cloudy at best but you never know. Maybe you'll find that being honest and open won't be so heartbreaking after all. It might even make you feel good!

    Basically, my point is this: Look too far ahead, and you'll miss what's right in front of you. Enjoy what you have, while you have it. Good luck!

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    1. Excellent outlook, you are making me be present in the moment, which is difficult for me historically. Thanks for your words!

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  7. I haven't yet read what everyone else has to say yet, because I wanted to respond asap! First, yes. I gasped and my eyebrows raised when I read the part that YOU haven't had sex yet! HOW AWESOME ARE YOU??? I'm pretty sure I'd have sex with just bout anyone right no given how hungry i am. (read the latest post) :) But seriously...what the hell are you talking about? cutting your losses? Don't be silly my friend! You said yourself..there's nothing wrong. AND you do'nt have a crystal ball. You have NO idea what will happen in the future. Even tomorrow. For someone who almost died twice in the last year, I'm surprised to hear that he's being so rigid about what he won't do. BUT you knwo what? Life has a way of surprising us. I would say, maybe take the whole "meeting our families and vacationing together" thing a bit slow, but as for the rst of it...girlfriend! LEAP! LEAP! WHAT are you waiting for? Just leap. You don't know if it won't work out. There are absolutely no guarantees in life. NONE! Not a single one! And without a crystal ball..you're screwed. xoxo

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    1. Wow Sunshine, I believe you just gave me a virtual kick in the ass! Much appreciated. Makes me want to go do something awesome!

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    2. Oh yes. GO DO SOMETHING Awesome! :) I hope the virtual kick in the ass is okay.

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  8. I try not to give advice because my advice generally involves fireworks, Ninja Turtles, and unicorns, and I find those three things don't generally "work" in real-world situations.

    Since everyone else is hopping on the GO FOR IT train, let me just say that I understand your concerns. Why head down a dead-end road (him = small town, you = big city and NOT in his house)? Why not cut it now before it hurts worse? Why go through all the trouble of meeting each other's families if you're moving soon and you think you might not last in the long run?

    I also understand everyone's sentiments -- why kill a good thing before it blooms? Why draw lines in the sand where no lines are necessary? Why not enjoy life one day at a time and stop all the goddamn worrying about tomorrow?

    I will say this: the no-game thing has got to be so refreshing, right? Games fucking suck. They really do.

    And this guy DOES sounds pretty amazing compared to Twin and Fireman.


    Go with your gut. Whatever you decide, no matter what happens, you'll come out on top. I know it.

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    1. Nicki, I think that fireworks, Ninja Turtles, and unicorns might actually be exactly what this situation needs to get it all sorted out! I'll let you know how that goes this weekend. If nothing else, he will be surprised I'm sure!
      Thanks for seeing both sides of my situ, I am a realist by nature so I have to acknowledge the concerns but I'm also pretty damn optimistic so I want to just think it will be fine.

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  9. Honesty and lack of head games can really mess with your head, right?! HOLY SH*T! His head game is no head games. Dump him and move on now. He's nothing but trouble! :)

    If you're both happy with each other, then I'd let it play out a bit and see where it goes. People do strange things when they realize they are with the right person. If that becomes obvious then you will cross that bridge when you come to it (I know... cliche).

    PS. Right now I'm searching for John Cougar Small Town on YouTube. Thanks a lot.

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    1. I know, it's almost cruel isn't it? Nothing makes me more paranoid about games than a guy that appears to play none. Maybe that's his game? Aha!! We figured it out!
      Sorry for making you search for anything John Cougar...can I buy you a beer or tequila shot or something to help make it up to you?

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    2. I had one while I was searching... it's okay now!

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  10. Hey Random, Check out my blog for a little surprise just for you girl.

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  11. I agree with "go with your gut". Has never failed me so far in matters of the heart.
    Love your blog. You've got yourself a new follower. I discovered you from Barfly :)

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  12. I've a bit of an advantage in my comment here since I'm privy to how the sex was between you two, but even if I hadn't I think I would have gone against the grain and do the not leap. I know all too well what it's like to love someone but not share the same long term goals or have little to nothing in common with, and it sucks. Being fond of each other is brilliant, but it's not enough.

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