Friday, January 13, 2012

"Soft-Core Friday" - Boy Toy to Just a Friend, can it happen?

Happy SCF kids! I hope you all are staying warmer than I am right now. Apparently Winter decided to show up overnight and if the snow wasn't bad enough, how about 30mph winds on top of it? Yep, looks like I'm living in a snow globe. Oh well, I'll be in Vegas 3 weeks from today, that's the light at the end of my winter hell tunnel today.

Today's "Soft-Core Friday" idea was still brewing in my brain this morning when I got on the Twitters and saw that my darling Alyssa had an issue she wanted me to tackle. Of course, I loved it so off we go!

She tweeted:  hey, if you're in need of a  post, I'm in need of some Randy Girl help! Can you turn a  into an *actual*?

The answer is yes & no. Helpful right? Let me explain (and I'm talking only from my specific experience on the topic so take it for what it's worth).

If you are in a situation where the two of you started off just as a hook up, like you met on a night out, took a first date to end game, or were basically virtually strangers who decided to have sex when given the opportunity, it might be a little tricky to try to then cool things off and stay strictly in the friend zone. There was no real level of commitment or interest outside of sex to start things off, so there might not be a lot of common ground to base a friendship on after the sex cools off.

It's not impossible, but it's not likely. Unless the two of you had integrated some non-sex time and conversations into your "boy toy" situation, you will probably find yourself bored with him once real life starts to creep into your sex-only situation. However, if you did allow him to share a little and did likewise with him throughout the course of your hook ups, you might find that you actually do like him and what he is about and would be interested in keeping him around as a friend when you aren't in the bedroom.

If you are converting a friend or acquaintance into a boy toy, then the likelihood that you could go back to being friends when the bedroom shenanigans are over is more likely. You already know him and like him and obviously have somethings you can appreciate him, even before sex comes into the picture. Those things most likely won't go away after you have hooked up, although they might evolve a little or get awkward depending on how the sex was. Let's be honest.

In my experience, a friend-to boy toy - to friend cycle happens usually with someone that I value as a friend, we both find ourselves single at the same time and since we already think the other one is awesome we decide to entertain ourselves for a while, and then when one of us starts seeing someone else, it's game off in the bedroom but the friendship remains.

I'm not saying it's normal, I'm just saying that's how it has played out for me in the past. This set up only works if you can both remain emotionally unattached and if you both know that the sex is strictly temporary and for recreation, not an attempt to convert the situation into a full-blown relationship.

Hope that helps a little!

Do you have any experience with the boy toy/girl to friend conversion? Share kids!

And since I like to include a topic-appropriate with my SCF posts, here is today's.  It's pretty perfect for the "boy toy turned friend gone wrong" situation. It's my current "awful but favorite" song. Listen all the way through, it's the last line that kills it.


  1. Speaking of boy-toy to friend, how is the breakup going? Is it done done, or are you just demoting him down to a toy?

    Or have you caved altogether, and are STILL an item?

  2. I'm struggling with a Friend to Boy Toy to Friend situation at the moment. I think a lot of it depends on who the transition is handled and how well intent is communicated. I do think it is possible though. I'm friends with many people that I have shared bedroom intimacies with.

    On the flipside... is it possible to turn a boy toy into more? Hmmmm.....

  3. (In my opinion) Your thoughts are spot on with my history of the friend -> girl toy -> back to friend situation. I seem to find myself in this situation when I am single, I end up getting drunk with someone I am familiar with and next thing you know our clothes are off and we're busy practicing making Blue Ivy's. I have found that being blunt and straight forward is the best way to prevent any awkward moments the next morning or in the days to follow. From my experiences women, just like men want to have a night of adult activities without attachments but also don't want to 'Get it in' with the first thing that gives them a second look.
    Spending time in other countries and living in Europe for a year allowed me to see that sex in different parts of the world is valued completely different than it is in our own backyard. People tend to treat it for more than it is. Sometimes it's "making love" and other times its "I want to have the greatest orgasm of my life".. in my experiences those two normally don't go together. A great read as always, I especially love the Gambino song at the end, solid choice.

  4. I've been the "Boy Toy" that has been transitioned from one role to another. Honestly I think it is possible with some guys/girls and impossible with others. It all depends on the individuals mind set.

    Randy you nailed it when you said that it has to be understood that it was JUST sex, then and only then can you progress to friendship, regardless of whether there was a friendship there before or not.

    Surprisingly enough studies show that it is men that get too emotionally attached in strictly sex relationships. Go figure.

  5. Randy, you are my savior! First, thank you for tackling this one for me! I think we can make it work. Boy Toy and I been "friends" for quite a long time and while we do know way more about each other than just the intimacies of our bedroom behavior, we've never flirted with taking it to the relationship level. We definitely had the "good friends who talk and listen to each other and have a lot of laughs... and then get down" thing down pat for a while without any complications, but now we've both found ourselves on the brink of new romantic situations.

    I don't think either one of us wants to be in a situation where we can only spend time together if we're unattached and thus available for each other, so we're gonna try to navigate the "friends who DON'T get down" thing, and hopefully we won't revert back to our shenanigans.

    Thanks again, love!! XX

  6. It takes a rare couple to be close friends while being able to go back and forth with sex in the equation. It requires open communication, mutual respect, an attraction that is there no matter the circumstances and being adults about it. I think those relationships are hot. No judging or drama. Just two people that dig each other doing what they want to do and not worrying about tomorrow because they know they can handle it together.

  7. Definitey cannot be friends with BT -not me, not ever. It's never worked out for me. Maybe if we were friends first but eh, no, not in my experience.

  8. Hmmm, I think there's usually too much baggage. I'm not close friends with any old BTs. But they were all in college, and I don't live there anymore. So, who knows.

  9. I wish I could add to the conversation but I've only had one Boy Toy and while the sex was pretty stellar, I know that we could never be friends.


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