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Monday, October 31, 2011

It doesn't count if I was wearing a costume right?

Well, does it?? I'm going to say no. Perhaps it's me justifying a momentary return of shenanigans-lite. Either way....

So here's the short version. Things went awry with Twin on Saturday night for a number of reasons, but the biggest one being his tendency to double and triple book himself and then just expect me to roll with it with a smile on my face and panties around my ankles. Not this time love, not this time.

We had plans for Saturday night for a while, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he would somehow not be able to pull it off as planned. I told him as much and also advised him that I would be making plan B which would be executed upon his fucking up our plans, if/when such fuck up would occur.

He thought I was joking. I totally wasn't.

Very smart on my part. As predicted, last minute change of plans came via text. He didn't see the harm in the change of plans and thought I would just redirect and head on over to his place. Sorry hon, plan B was activated.

Plan B ended up being a Halloween party that my friends band was playing in a small town dive-ish bar. I was not super psyched about the idea of it, but I decided to dust off the cheerleading uni, throw on some fishnets, hooker boots, and whole lot of eyeliner and hairspray and get my costume party on.
(Kind of like this, only with the aforementioned fishnets and hooker boots)


Such a good idea! It ended up being a fantastic night. Good music, lots of vodka, and the cutest little boy toy a naughty cheerleader could ever want to come across. And his Texas accent? Just made him that much more adorable. I won't even tell you how old he was but you have to be 21 to get in the bar so at least that's something.

Don't get too worried, I am still in "dialing it back" mode and I fear that logic may be sticking around so it was just a few hot make out moments. That's all. I promise.

It was fun and fairly harmless and was good for my self-esteem as we all know how much I want to be wanted. Especially by hottie little boys with sparkly blue eyes and southern accents. Ahem.... sorry....

It was good for me to just go out, dance, drink a little, be a little naughty, and yet come home alone.

Back to reality.

Twin and I are good now. He went to a concert with me last night and all is well. He also met the parents last night kind of by default since I had also bought them tickets for the same show and we were all sitting together. I think they liked him. I'll get an email from my mother soon I'm sure with their full opinions and commentary on the night.

So although the weekend didn't turn out as previous planned, I'm going to chalk this one up to the "Fun" category and leave it at that.

And besides, I had a costume on so it doesn't really count. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

See, I really can justify everything if I try hard enough.

Happy Halloween people! Go get your candy on!

Friday, October 28, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Yahoo for the return of logic

Happy "Soft-Core Friday" kids! I hope you all have had a lovely, shenanigan-filled week. If not, it's not too late as the weekend lays open before you so get on it!

As I shared yesterday, I found myself on Temptation Island in the metaphorical sense with Fireman again. I appreciate the advice and the "I think it's #4" confirmations on my post and on Twitter. You guys are right and you called me out for being an idiot and I need that once in a while.

The more I think about it, and I am thinking a lot about the whole situation, not just about the fun parts of it, but all the complicated root cause type parts of it, the more I realized that it's not really about him at all. It's about me. I want the attention, I want to be wanted, I want him to want to come back to be with me. And then I want to tell him no. Because I can and I should.

In an attempt to gain some clarity on my feelings yesterday, I met Twin for lunch. It was nice. I realize that when I go too long without physically seeing him, I can talk myself into thinking I don't like him as much as I do. But when I do spend time with him, even just to meet for lunch for an hour, I'm reminded of why I like him.

We both had the same great idea last night for him to come over ala booty call style, or at least that was the plan. With our schedules and me being sick, we hadn't "been together" in almost two weeks and I think it was making both of us a little cranky. So we fixed that last night. Unlike my normal booty call protocol, he stayed the night and I'm glad he did. We needed that time to just be close to one another physically for a while and reconnect.

I have to be honest and admit that the thought of Fireman crossed my mind at one point last night. But it quickly served as a point of contrast to what was actually in front of me, a man that cares about me, wants me to be happy, and let's me know that I'm special to him.

So kids, here's a big hip hip hooray for the return of logic. I'm hoping that it sticks around for a minute.

And, a big thanks to my darling Jewels for sending the link to this new Christina Perri song via the Twitters last night. I am truly in love with this song and I hope that I can feel this way about one person in my lifetime.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

And I'm back on Temptation Island

So do any of you remember the awful reality show Temptation Island? No? Hmm, maybe I was the only one that watched it. Well, the link on the title has the best worst reviews and info on it, you're welcome.

The premise of it was that you took X number of couples that were at various stages of their relationships but who were questioning if they were right for each, split them up into boys camp and girls camp, ply them with lots of alcohol, and then put them in precarious situations with extraordinarily hot single members of the opposite sex and wait to see what happens. Genius right? Indeed!

And things went down just as one might expect, complete with hot hookups followed by tearful confessions of undying love for their bf/gf, or in some cases giant blow ups and tragic endings. Either way, it made for fantastic television, very cringe-worthy indeed.

So what does that awesome awful reality television show have to do with me? One word: Fireman.

He is my own personal version of Temptation Island.

Let's be honest, we all knew it was only a matter of time didn't we?

For those of you who are newish to Random Girl, Fireman and I have a long history of hot hook ups and a little drama thrown in for good measure. We haven't been together since mid-July. We didn't officially call it off, we both just kind of quit texting each other and thus quit hooking up.

Well, he's back. Or trying to be at least. I ignored him at first. But then I quit ignoring him. And then I started talking to him. And now.... well.... you know... I'm thinking about him in THAT way again.

This tells me a few things: 1) I'm an idiot 2) I obviously have doubts about Twin and I if I would be entertaining thoughts of Fireman once again 3) I'm finding it easier to justify the thought of being with Fireman in a strictly recreational sense while maintaining my not-so-official relationship with Twin 4) I'm an idiot

It's all theory at this point. It may or may not stay theory. I'm conflicted, but not for the reasons I probably should be and that is what kind of concerns me the most about my thought process on this whole situation.

Feel free to throw your opinion out there. I will probably ignore all good advice as I am excellent at making bad decisions all by my big girl self. I doubt this time will be different but who knows, maybe I will surprise us all, including myself.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Dirtiest Window Had a Hell of a View - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

Another week in the Indie Ink challenge. I loved this challenge prompt and had fun writing it. Enjoy!
***

“Damn, it is dark out here, I can’t see shit!” Sarah mumbled to herself as she pushed her way through the thick brush that surrounded the small, dark building.  The garage was closed for the night and all of the techs had long since gone home.  But he would be coming back if her suspicions were right. As annoying as this whole venture was, she had to do it, she had to know that she wasn’t just being paranoid.

Making her way as quietly as she could to the back of the building, she found the window that belonged to his office.  The window was covered in dirt and was so filthy the light from the desk lamp could barely be seen shining through it.  Sarah took off her black leather glove and dug through her purse looking for a tissue to clean off some of the sludge from the pane of glass. She needed to see what was about to go down in that room for herself and she wanted to make sure she had a clear view. She was positive it would be quite the show.

Like clockwork, she heard his truck pull in at 10:00pm. He arrived at this same time every night she had learned from her nights of following him that had become her favorite past time in the last few weeks.  She had always had to keep her distance on the other nights as to not be discovered, following far behind him but seeing him turn into the long drive to the body shop. 

Tonight was different. Tonight she had left long before him to give her plenty of time to park a mile or so down the road and be in position to watch his arrival undetected. She had never been able to prove that he was not coming here alone before, but tonight she would be sure by the time she left.  

She could hear voices as the truck doors slammed. His voice and the voice of woman.  She knew instantly that it was her neighbor Anne, just as she had suspected. They were laughing and then there was a pause, presumably for a long kiss, before the crunching of their footsteps on gravel told her they were almost to the front door. 

She felt a sick sense of relief when she realized that she had suspected correctly. It would make what she had to do so much easier.  Her heart started beating so rapidly she thought for sure they would be able to hear it when they entered.

The heavy door slammed behind them and she could hear their footsteps and laughter echo through the workshop before she saw the handle of the office door turn. She wanted to look away right then, but she couldn’t. She had to see it for herself, with her own eyes. She had to see them together to know she was right.

And there they were, hands all over each other and kissing like horny teenagers, as they almost fell into the office as the door opened.  She knew how this worked. She had once been the woman naked in his office in the middle of the night. It had been her with her hands unzipping his jeans while he pushed her up against the wall and pulled her head back hard by her hair. He knew just how to get what he wanted from a girl.

Now she was watching it through a filthy window, almost like a movie. She couldn’t look away now; it was like she was mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of her, wanting to know what came next.

Out of nowhere, a man in a ski mask came bursting through the office door, yelling as he pointed  a pistol at the half-naked couple.  Sarah jumped back away from the window and had to stifle her own scream.  The two lovers were crying and begging the man “Please don’t do this! We’re so sorry, we never meant to...” Pop. Pop.  And then the voices stopped.

The door to the office was slammed shut with such force that it swung back open, leaving a sliver of light shining across the office floor. Mustering enough courage to look back through that grimy window, Sarah saw both of them lying in a pile on the floor, a dark shiny pool spreading out from where their bodies were.

She heard tires spinning and gravel flying as the gunman’s car tore down the long drive way and back out onto the main road. She sat there a long time, not sure of what to do next.  She should have been sad, or at the very least terrified but she wasn’t. She was just feeling…relieved.   Someone had done her dirty deed for her.

She walked the long distance back to her car in the dark and drove back to her house singing along to the radio to keep her mind off of what she had just seen. She needed a good night’s sleep. 

She grabbed the orange prescription bottle that held her sleeping pills and shook two out into her hand.  As she was standing at her kitchen sink with a glass of water to wash the pills down, she looked out her window and saw her neighbor, Anne’s husband, standing at his kitchen sink washing his hands. He smiled at her and winked, then turned off the kitchen light. 


***

For the Indie Ink Writing Challenge this week, femmefauxpas challenged me with "It was the dirtiest window but it had one hell of a view" and I challenged Mary Terrani with "Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken".

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I should have been a stripper

In the middle of a boring Tuesday afternoon conference call, this little gem of career advice came across the Twitters compliments of @huffingtonpost
Strippers in oil boomtown make thousands in tips every night

According to the Huffington Post article

An oil boomtown in the middle of North Dakota is proving that the laws of supply and demand apply to everything -- even stripper salaries.
As thousands of men move to Williston, North Dakota seeking high-paying jobs working for oil companies, area strippers have seen their salaries skyrocket, CNNMoney reports. Strippers claim that they can make $2,000 to $3,000 per night in tips -- more than in typical strip club hot spots like Las Vegas -- dancing for the oil rig workers, many of whom moved to the town without their families.

I knew that my career aspirations and Masters degree were a total waste of time. All I had to do was move to an oil boom town and shake my arse a little and boom! Big money, no whammies! 
It's never too late for a career change I guess. Now where did I put my g-string and tassled pasties? 



See, Kendra can teach me....she has her own class and I think I saw a Groupon for that!  http://www.stripper101.com/stripper_101_kendra_wilkinson.htm

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Beyond Repair - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

It's Indie Ink challenge time again! I'm getting back in the groove but I have to be honest, these things are kickin' my butt....but at least it's in a good way.

Here's my entry for this week. My challenge prompt is at the bottom. Enjoy.


She slammed the door for dramatic value as she ran out.  But she only got as far as the back yard. She realized she might as well just stop because he wasn’t going to come running out after her. He wasn’t going to say he was sorry or beg her to come back in the house. She was certain that he was glad she was gone.

It was a chilly night and the wind made it seem even colder as it whipped her long dark hair around her face. She could feel the cold settling in but she refused to turn around and go back.  She sat down on the wrought iron bench at the end of the brick path, its white paint had chipped off over the years and rust began to leave brownish red streaks on the bricks below the sturdy legs of the worn bench.

Her eyes followed the streaks, thick and bold in color towards the source, then getting weaker and narrower as they moved away from the source, as they reached out on their own further down the brick path.  That is how she felt right now, weaker and so much more fragile, as she found herself moving so far away from him.

Her eyes continued down the brick path that led back to the house that she had moments ago stormed out of.  The path itself now appeared as treacherous as the feelings housed inside of her. The foundation of soft sand was now worn down in spots, leaving the once sturdy and straight pattern of the bricks disjointed and uneven.  She was uneven, the pieces of her, of them, not fitting together any longer, making it dangerous to try to take a step forward.

How did it get like this, she wondered to herself as she thought back to weekend they had spent together so many years ago making that pathway. She remembered the feel of the cool sand as they smoothed it down to serve as the perfect foundation and the sturdiness of the bricks as they carefully placed each one in just the right spot. They had built it together, much like the life that they had so carefully planned and built together inside the walls of the now-distant house.  

The years and the neglect had taken the toll on both, the brick path and the life they built inside the house. Moss and weeds crept up between the cracks in the bricks, forcing them into jagged, uneven places, not at all what they had intended when they worked so hard to build it.  Arguments and hurt had done the same to their marriage. They both now, she sadly realized sitting on that cold bench in the dark of the night, were beyond repair.



***

This week's Indie Ink Challenge came from Kelly Garriott Waite, who gave me this prompt: Bricks in a sand patio. I challenged Chaos Mandy with the prompt: Despite the ocean in the way, the were as close as they had ever been

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dating a Single Mom? Here's one thing guaranteed to hurt her feelings.

Pardon me, but I'm going to kinda sorta rant for a second. Bear with me, I'll be over it soon mmmkay?

Today was a big day as you know by now. Here's how a guy dating a single mom can really screw up.

Last weekend was the princess's big pre-birthday party, complete with my family, the ex, and the ex's family. We are cool so we still do family stuff together. I invited Twin but gave him a pass to decline as it would be his first time not only meeting my family, but the ex and his posse as well. I understand how that could be awkward so I didn't want to put him in that situation.

He took the pass which was totally cool with me, and opted instead to plan to come over on her actual birthday for her special dinner to celebrate. It would just be the princess, my parents, and myself.

As of yesterday, the plan was he was coming at 3pm for "break time", we would get dressed, go pick up dinner and the princess, and come back for dinner with the fam as planned.

So today at 3:40, no Twin. I texted. No reply until almost an hour later. By that time I was already on my way to pick up dinner and my parents were on the way to pick up the princess so we could start the celebration.  He said he could "probably come by around 5".

Ummm, no thanks.

I told him I was already doing what we had agreed to do together due to his lack of response, and that he could just "come by another time" when it was more convenient for him.

Really?

I know that he is not the most punctual person, doesn't really believe in calendars, and is used to running on his own agenda but come on dude, you just blew off your woman's daughter's birthday....again.

For someone who claims to want to be involved in "the whole package" it seems like there are parts of the package that perhaps aren't quite as important.

I don't expect him to 100% engaged at this point, but I don't expect him to be quite this clueless either.

I will admit I am probably hyper-emotional about this topic today of all days, and I'm getting sick and feel like crap so that is probably contributing to my overall crankiness as well but for some reason I thought venting might make me feel better so I did it.

Am I being too harsh? Expecting too much? Putting too much on him too soon? Maybe...but maybe not.

The wall is slowly building back up...hope he is good at climbing or blowing it up.

Today is a big day!

From memories of loss to celebrating what is in front of me...today is a BIG day! On this day, 6 years ago at 12:48AM, the Princess arrived and rocked my world in ways I could have never imagined. She has continued to do just that every single day since.

Today my heart is full of gratitude and thankfulness that I get to wake up and be the Princess's mommy every day. Even on the days when it is particularly challenging and I feel like I can't do anything right, at least I know I got one thing right and that's a blessing.







Saturday, October 15, 2011

October 15th - Remembering


I recently discovered an amazing site, Band Back Together, and this post is in response to their efforts to recognize the October 15th day of remembering for all the lost pregnancies and babies and those who have lived through the experience. 


Here’s my story.


It seems like a person should be able to grieve any loss that they endure in their own way. That’s not always the case as I found out.  And when you feel relieved by that loss at the time when it happens, then what? Do you later have the right to feel sad about it? I’m still trying to sort it all out and honestly, I don’t know that I will ever feel like I’m feeling the “right” way about it.


The summer between my Junior and Senior years of high school was going along well. I was working a shitty job but had two of my best friends working with me every day so besides the actual work, it was a lot of fun. I was going out almost every night, hanging with friends, making out with boys, all of the normal stuff that a bored teenager in a town that was much too small would be doing.


About halfway through summer, I started to get sick. I was vomiting, had really bad pains on my left side nearly all of the time, and felt really weak.  Then I started bleeding. It wasn’t a normal “time of the month” bleeding, it was much worse and on-going for several weeks. Something was really not right.


I got really sick one night with a high fever, non-stop vomiting, and overall just feeling like I was going to die. My parents were out of town so my sister and her boyfriend took me to an urgent care facility where the first thing they asked was “could you be pregnant?” Of course not! No way could that happen. I was only with one guy and we used condoms so that was not on my radar. They treated me for a virus, gave me anti-nausea medication, and sent me on my way.


I continued to bleed and to be sick to the point where I made an appointment with my pregnant 16 year old friend’s OB-GYN just to be checked out. I could have a tumor or something for all I knew.  She went with me to the appointment and I was scared to death. I had never been to an OB-GYN nor had I had a pelvic exam despite having been sexually active since shortly before I turned 16. I was safe, that should have been enough as far as I thought.


The nurse and doctor were both very kind. The exam was quick and fairly painless except for when he pushed on my left side where my pain had been coming from. The doctor was quiet as he ordered my lab work and sent me to the waiting area.


In the lab, the tech asked me, “Is this your first pregnancy?”


I nearly choked on my spit. I replied, “There better not be a pregnancy!”


I was beyond nervous at that point. Of course they didn’t tell me anything right then. They sent me home to wait for a call with the findings of the blood work.


I picked up the phone on the first ring when the call finally came in around 4:30pm the following day.
The voice on the other end of the line said, “Lisa, this is so-and-so from Dr. X’s office calling. We have the results of your blood work….your pregnancy test was positive.  We need to schedule you to come back in immediately……”


I didn’t hear what else she said. All I heard was a loud ringing in my ears and I instantly felt like I was going to pass out or throw up, or maybe both. I just hung up the phone. I couldn’t think straight or talk or even cry at that point. What do you do when you are a 16 year old honor student from a good Christian family with high hopes for your future and hear that over the phone?


I sat at the kitchen table for a long time. Luckily I was the only one home when the call came in. I had about an hour to process the news until my mom came home. Oh god, my mom. This was going to kill her! How do I tell her? What is she going to say? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god….


When mom walked in, she instantly knew something was very wrong.  She sat down at the table but the look on her face wasn’t concern, it was anger. She knew what I was going to say.  And she was furious!


This was not the gentle, supportive “After School Special” moment that you see on TV when the pregnant teen breaks the news to her mom and she gives her daughter a hug and tells her everything is going to be OK. She started yelling at me, questioning me how could I have been so stupid, did I know that I just completely screwed up my entire life, did I understand that this was not HER problem and that she was not going to take on the burden that I had created. On and on she ranted. I let her; there was nothing for me to say.


She stormed out of the house, on her way to a pharmacy several towns over to buy a pregnancy test to see it for herself. That left me alone in the house again to let it all sink in. I just couldn’t believe it. Not me. This was not supposed to happen to me. I was careful, I was safe, I used a condom always. Where did it go wrong?


It didn’t matter. Fact was fact and I was pregnant. I called the doctor’s office back the following day and made appointment. He was concerned about my pain and symptoms and scheduled me for an ultrasound. I was expecting a little goo on my belly and that would be that. Oh no, not quite. At that early stage, a standard ultrasound wouldn’t show anything.  I had to have a vaginal ultrasound which is basically adding insult to injury at that age and in that situation.


That ultrasound also showed nothing in my uterus. I didn’t know enough about pregnancy and what could go wrong at that age to know what that meant.


Well, what it meant is, as the doctor explained after reviewing the ultrasound images, was that although I was pregnant the fetus was not growing in my uterus. It was growing in my left fallopian tube, which is also known as a tubal or ectopic pregnancy.  It was the first time in my life that I had heard that term.


My first thought was “Oh no! They are going to be able to move it from the tube to my uterus and I’m going to have to have this baby or ask for the abortion!”  


I was soon told that neither of those scenarios would be happening.  Neither was an option or a choice.  I learned there are two things to know about that type of pregnancy: 1) the baby cannot survive and 2) you can die of internal bleeding if it ruptures your fallopian tube.


My situation was dire; the tube was stretched to the point of rupturing. I needed emergency surgery. I went straight from the doctor’s office to the hospital, was admitted and immediately rushed to pre-op to be prepped for surgery. It was scary, painful, and embarrassing and just really was not something that I ever thought I would be going through in my life, let alone at that point in my life.


I had laparoscopic surgery which means that they made three small incisions, one in my belly button, 1 over the left fallopian tube, and one lower on my bikini line. As soon as the scope touched the bulging fallopian tube, it exploded from the pressure of the growing fetus. I was bleeding out quickly. The prepared my mother for the worst and had blood transfusions on the ready. But I was lucky. They got the bleeding stopped and the rest of the surgery went on fine.


I was alone in recovery and for a while in my room. My mom was still very angry and embarrassed. She told my dad because she felt he should know but she didn’t tell anyone else. Not even my sister. Our cover story was that I had a cyst on my ovary that ruptured. Sounded common enough and no one would question it.


It was made clear to me that this was to be a secret shame on me, something for me to carry alone; I didn’t deserve anyone’s support or sympathy. I had been stupid and careless and if not for the grace of God, would have really fucked my entire life up. That is how she saw it and I was not to question it, ever.


As far as I was to be concerned, I had been given a “get out of jail free card” from God. At the time, I agreed with that thinking and decided I shouldn’t question why, I should just be grateful that I wouldn’t be teenage mother and have my entire future taken away from me. I wouldn’t have to embarrass my family. I didn’t have to tell the guy that he was on the hook for a kid as a teenager either.  Besides a few scars, the whole thing had just gone away.  And I didn’t even have to feel guilty about wanting an abortion because I didn’t have to ask for one technically. I just came out like a rose in this situation.


But I didn’t. In reality, I felt an immense amount of guilt. Guilt over being happy that I didn’t have to be pregnant like my friend. Guilt that I was prepared to have an abortion. Guilt that I had hurt and disappointed my parents, especially my mother, so badly. I even felt guilty that I didn’t have to have a baby when my friend did because I know how hard that was on her and how many people looked down at her for being a mom while in high school. Guilt, I couldn’t escape it no matter which direction I turned.


The thing I felt the most guilty about at the time, and even to this very day is that I was happy that I didn’t have to face the consequences of my actions. How horrible of a person I must be to be glad that I got off the hook, even when that means that the life I was carrying wasn’t there anymore?


That guilt never let me feel the profound sadness that I had over that loss.  Every time I started to mourn, to let the sadness of losing a baby, my baby, set in, I would berate myself for being ungrateful for the second chance I was given to be a “normal” good-girl teenager again.  I wasn’t allowed to be sad, or to even acknowledge that it had ever happened. I was expected to be thankful for how it turned out and get back to business as usual right away. I was to tell no one and I was not to ever speak of it in my house.  That was my price to pay for my stupid mistake.


I didn’t tell anyone for the longest time. I wouldn’t dare. Many of my closest friends still don’t know and may never know.   Instead, I acted out pain and hurt and did self destructive things to myself for a while. It was really the only way to distract myself from what had happened and the things I wasn’t allowed to feel.


At home, I was constantly reminded of the “problem” I had caused, the hospital bills that were incurred, and the inconvenience of the situation in indirect ways by my mother. She wasn’t a cruel woman; she was just so disappointed and thrown off balance by her “baby” finding myself in the situation that she didn’t know how to deal with it. I don’t blame her; I don’t know that I would do any better handling it.


Life went on.  I played pretend that everything was fine and normal and good. I kept up my grades, partied with my friends, worked two jobs, and pretended that I wasn’t any different than I was at the beginning of that summer.  But I was. My heart, and my body, had been broken in ways I never even knew were possible.


So here it is, in black and white. For all the world to see. I will not be ashamed of it any more. I will mourn the loss of that soul, because it is sad that it was lost. And I won’t deny feeling that loss because I know that, even in those circumstances, I have earned the right to


Let this also serve a few purposes on my pursuit to 30 Days of Shamelessness. I would say this serves to fill 
#23. air one of your secrets , #13. speak up about something crap that was done to you and #12. share about a health struggle.  Hey, it was a big, heavy post to write, I'm making it count for a few things...don't argue with me, it's my blog. 

Friday, October 14, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - At 80+.... She's Still Hot

Few things are as hot as confidence. And this lady knows she is all of that and a bag of chips!

At 80+, she shakes it like she owns it. And good on her! I hope I'm as fiesty as she is when I'm her age.

Enjoy Betty White, in all her hotness!

And this is for a life insurance company no less...genius marketing! For reals!


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Off Tilt - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

After several weeks (OK, maybe it was month or so) hiatus, I am back in the Indie Ink Weekly Challenge again. And a challenge it was!
*My prompt is at the end of this post.

Everything had been turned upside down today. This was not the beginning, it was truly the end.

Everything that she had come to know had been challenged in the course of the last 24 hours. She could have panicked; she could have joined the crowds of people that had gathered in the streets, in cities, around the world. Huddled together, praying and crying with the masses. But she didn’t.

A glance at her hotel room clock told her it was 1:00am but the strange glowing in the sky begged to differ. Flashes of light, like a brilliant diamond reflecting every color of the spectrum, lit up the dark sky in a dazzling way.  She had heard of this phenomenon, the Northern Lights, or the Aurora Borealis as the more scholarly preferred to refer to it, but she never expected to experience the majestic beauty of it here, in the desolate heart of central Africa.

It was further proof of just how close the end was now. The earth was off its axis and there was no “normal” any longer. There was just a continuous series of unbelievable events that were occurring, some simultaneously, others in rapid succession, that had made her truly understand that this was the indeed the end of times.  It was only a matter of days now until the earth became too hostile of a place for her or anyone else to survive on.

She was in the perfect place to write her ending.  It didn’t matter that no one would be reading it; it was her story to tell. These moments that she was experiencing were too unbelievable to not be captured in words, to not be recorded in some tangible way, to be made real if even for a few moments.  

She was alone now in what had once been a grand structure. The staff and other guests had abandoned the hotel when the first impact was felt, and news of the impending doom it would bring with it had hit the airwaves.  Things had turned from quiet and serene on the desolate landscape to chaotic and turbulent in a matter of minutes. The usually skeptical locals even had immediately panicked and fled to their villages to be with their families.

But she stayed. She really had nowhere else to go, no reason to flee, no one was waiting for her. Now she wandered the empty hallways, most of the doors lining the darkened hall were hanging slightly open as they had been abandoned so hastily that their occupants hadn’t bothered to shut them in their rush to get out of the building and back to their homes. She took her time, looking inside the rooms, surveying those things that were left behind, what was deemed unimportant to its owners.

She had been left behind, but not by careless, panicked-stricken patrons. She had been left behind by him, years before.  The feeling of impending doom and the world being off tilt was not a new feeling to her. She had been living in that state emotionally for the last four years. It was almost comforting to her now to know that everyone else could finally understand how she was feeling. 

This ending would be different. This time, it would not be him breaking her, casting her aside, shattering her world. No, this would be her writing a different ending. The fools of the world can cry and pray and hold on to one another, but she is standing on her own this time.

She put her hand on the doorknob and hesitated only a moment, before forcing it open. The shock of the icy air invigorated her, pushed her forward, moved her closer to the beautiful sky and the mesmerizing pulses of jeweled-toned light that envelope her as she walked, deeper into the now frozen desert, relieved that her end would soon find her. 


 © iStockphoto / Roman Krochuk



I'm so very appreciative the of the great brainstorming and editing resource that has, without question, helped push me to dig a little deeper. You know who you are!! XOXO

This week’s Indie Ink Challenge came from Cedar, who gave me this prompt: Set a scene under the aurora borealis, at 1am, with the temperature falling to 50 below. I challenged Mare with the prompt "She was a beautiful disaster."

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Naked Girl in a Dress is taking over Random Girl - You don't want to miss this!

This is a very good day! Today my friend Kelly, the brilliant voice behind Naked Girl in a Dress, is gracing the kids at Random Girl with a guest post.

If you aren't already following Naked Girl, go check her site out and add it to your blogroll...immediately! You won't regret it!  She always has something of substance to talk about and sheds perspective on what a lot of us are pondering every day, including dating, divorce, setting goals, and recognizing the moments that really count in life.

She has been a great friend, both online and in real life, and has even hosted Random Girl over at her place. If you missed that post, you can check it out here.

Now, without further ado... I bring you Naked Girl in a Dress!


I was honored when Random Girl asked me to guest post today. She is a versatile, talented writer and a wonderful friend. While I enjoy getting to know her through her writing, I have also been able to learn more about Random Girl through our friendship outside of blogging. Simply stated, she is a wonderful presence in my life. Random Girl is always uplifting, understanding, and positive. I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer to write for her today.

Perfecting Who We Are

“I am never dating again. I am finished and am at peace with being alone.”

At least that is what I stated in a long email to a friend recently. It seemed, with my overwhelming sadness, my time for dating was over.

The cause of my angst was another breakup. What might be surprising is that I broke up with the guy. That doesn’t seem right to me, to hurt so much when I end it.  I have spent much time wondering what is wrong with me. No one else I know becomes as upset as I do when ending a relationship with someone.

Why do breakups, even ones I initiate, hurt so much?

Why do I have an inability to casually date a few guys without getting so involved?

Why isn’t the online dating process getting easier for me?

I spent a week crying over someone who was not right for me, but I would miss. I was also upset I hurt him by ending it. I was angry with myself for feeling deeply and letting my heart get involved to this point so often as well.

A friend who knew I was struggling with the thought of dating again sent me the following:

“We should spend time perfecting who we actually are, instead of trying to be the person we wish we were.”

This resonated for me. Something clicked and I finally got it. I can only be me when dating. I am not comfortable serial dating, I feel emotions deeply, and I don’t like to hurt others with a break up.

It’s going to hurt again.

Own it.

Embrace it.

Be me.


Monday, October 10, 2011

The Conversation: Wonder no more

It was a lovely weekend for the princess and I, I hope you all had a great one as well. I wanted to take a quick minute to follow up on my dilemma with the Twin and his online dating profile, which you all provided such great advice on, and how it shook it.

We had an entire weekend planned, totally of his doing, and after a lovely dinner with his best friends, their kids and the princess, we returned to my house full, happy, and tired.  We were laying in bed, laughing over some funny things that came up over dinner and talking about plans for the rest of the weekend and I decided that it would be a good time to take your advice and bring up the topic that was weighing on my mind and distracting me from what should have been a great weekend.

I took a deep breath and just started. I said something along the lines of "we have a lot of plans together, are meeting the people that are important to us, and you are getting pretty close with princess.... I just want to make sure that I am understanding things as you intend me to..." He said I was understanding things perfectly and that his intention is to be with me and only me and that there is a reason that he is introducing me to the important people in his life and that he is wanting to spend time with the princess as well.

Good answer.

But I was still curious about the dating profile. So I asked him straight out about it. He said that he gets email alerts on his phone app for it and he goes on to delete them but hadn't actually been online or interacted on it since like the second time we went out.  That satisfies me. I would prefer he take it down but I won't ask him to. I'm going to take him at his word at this point. Naive? Maybe. I prefer to call it trusting.

I slept better that night than I had in a long time. And we went on to have a great weekend. Canoe trip on the river Saturday morning, followed by a fall festival with his friends and their kids, and dinner at his other best friends house with the family from Friday night as well, they are all friends which is cool. I could tell by the way his friends treat him and talk about him, that they really think a lot of him. And they made me feel very much welcome and brought me right into the craziness.  That counts.

So kids, it looks like just manning up and talking it out was indeed the correct way to go. So I thank you again for your comments and support... you all rock my face off!! *MWAH!*

And because I am in a Gym Class Heroes kind of mood, you get Cupid's Chokehold to listen to today.

Friday, October 7, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Sexy and I know It

Time to have some fun today kids! It's been a week....for reals!

Today is just about having fun, being confident, and being ridiculous while you get your sexy on.

Nobody does it better on all accounts then LMFAO. Enjoy Sexy and I Know It. There's even a Ron Jeremy cameo in it, you can't beat that for Soft Core Friday.

Feel free to strip down to your underthings and dance like a fool and post it on my Random Girl YouTube channel. No really, do it!  No one will laugh, I promise!

Ok gotta go, time to get my sexy on while dancing like a fool in my underthings!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Dating Site Profiles: When is it time to take it down?

Ok kids, I need your help sorting this one out!

As you know, I have recently found myself in a not-so-non-relationship with the Twin. It is still at this point undefined technically yet we are both actively making plans for "us" (including the princess and the puppy) well into the end of this year so I believe that there clearly is the intention on each of our parts of keeping the other one around for a minute.

We met on an on-line dating site. Nothing new about that. But at what point should the dating profiles be expected to come down? Or does it matter?

For me, I know how I am. I get easily distracted by shiny things. To leave the door to additional temptation open given my history with boy toys and the like, was not something that would be constructive for me to do while attempting to seriously consider giving it a go with one particular person.

So I deleted my profile. Not so much for him, but more so for me. He didn't ask me to, and I didn't tell him I did. I just did it because it was the right thing for me to do.

He still has his online. And he is online almost every day on it. And no I'm not a stalker (at least I won't admit I am), I'm just curious and have too much time on my hands.

The question is, should I care? Does it matter?

I don't know.

What I do know is that, at least when we met on there, he had the intention of actively engaging with women, at the very least with me which he now does offline so I know that's not the reason anymore, and actually goes out with people he meets on there.

I don't like to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. I also don't like to ask questions I'm not entitled to have an answers to. So I'm kind of stuck.

I know I must like this guy because I care enough to do a post about something like this. I'm not insecure in general and specifically with our situation right now, I'm really happy. I guess I'm afraid of losing that happiness or being played. I'm not naive enough to think it couldn't happen. But I'm also not cynical enough to presume it will.

Any advice on this one??

Monday, October 3, 2011

There is a Groupon for everything, Stripper 101 anyone?

One of my favorite things is to open up my email and see what type of great offers and discounts the shopping gods have sent me from Groupon and LivingSocial. I don't even have to leave my house to spend money on things I "must" have on a daily basis, the come right to me! Awesome! 


As most of you know, I like to jet off to Vegas occasionally and as such, I signed up for local Las Vegas offers before my last trip and never bothered to unsubscribe. They have some awesome stuff but this one is my favorite thus far.... I think I need to go back to Vegas asap to get my discounted Stripper 101 on! 


I'm not knocking this class at all, I actually think it would be a lot of fun and if I get a similar offer from a place close to me, I will be taking them up on it....and blogging about it of course!  


The funniest part of this offer??? Check out the hotties captured in this class photo....all I can say is I feel bad for those poor chairs! Makes me feel like I need to find my hand sanitizer ASAP!


51% Off Pole-Dancing Package from Stripper 101
51% Off Pole-Dancing Package from Stripper 101
Exotic-dancing moves spice up a variety of mundane activities, including firefighter certification exams and job interviews held on particularly uncomfortable chairs. Add some pizzazz to your life with today’s Groupon: 

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Tired of having to hear your kids or interacting with other people? Here's your solution!

I love it when I run across a product pitch that just solves all my problems! Like Pajama Jeans did when I couldn't be bothered with zippers and snaps and stuff on my jeans.

In this case, it's problems like hearing my child trying to talk to me when I am watching TV, missing the game while I am outside mowing the lawn, or being bothered with having to interact with the outside world in general.

Well, be bothered no more! Thanks to the genius creators of myzone headphones, now my world can completely revolve around the television and you won't be intruded upon by those pesky outside forces like kids, nagging spouses, or tornado sirens.

For real? Is this what it has come to? Hearing TV above all else?  I guess so because these exist and they are selling well.

I can see where if you are hearing impaired or have an attention disorder of some sort, these may come in handy but other than that.... really?

For all the handy dandy info on this "miracle" product, click here. Or watch this informercial to find out how you can ignore those around you with a simple pair of headphones.