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Thursday, June 30, 2011

I May Have Found THE Most Unnecessary Item....EVER!

I had no intention of posting today. I really didn't have anything to say. I know.. shocking!

But thanks to a commercial on TRUtv today, I found my inspiration....the single most unnecessary item ever created...the ROBOSTIR. This is taking human laziness to a new level. At least it kind of has a super obvious, highly technical name. Oh, and it comes with the obnoxious infomercial guy just to make it more awesome

I cook, a lot. I never once have thought to myself "Boy,  I wish  I had a robotic stirring device to help me right now!" Maybe I am just an overachiever.

Help me out here, am I missing the glorious benefits of this device and selling short?


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A little Pimpin' and Good News

So I have a little pimpin' to do today. And I'm excited! I love to share good news and it is good news indeed.

First, congratulations to Simple Dude for publishing his ebook! I got it, read it, and it totally gets the Random Girl stamp of approval. If you are looking for simple, easy-to-do ideas to make your blog better and get it in front of more people, get the ebook now!


In other good news, you can forget about Bloggers "BON'd" snobbery (since we can all agree that their selection process probably involves drunk monkeys throwing poo at a wall to select who gets it and who gets ignored) and now you can get CANUCK'd! Yes, that's right boys and girls, Canadian Blogger Girl is taking matters into her own hands and creating a new way to get recognized that is actually awesome! Go check out how to get CANUCK'd and how to nominate and vote for other great bloggers that you know would be worthy.
CANUCK'd

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Saying the Word

I recently was asked to do a feature post at Studio 30 Plus which I accepted. I had a few weeks notice so I wrote up a piece titled "Flawed" and it was all about how I had learned through the course of recording my thoughts and actions in my blog that I have a flawed person and that I can accept that and how I can be OK with being just what I am.

I was ready to post that link up on Sunday to go live on Monday but I had a different thought on my heart and in my mind when the time came and so I wrote and posted "One Word" instead.

Why the change? I am not sure. I just know that it feels like it is really time for me to start learning how to say NO. Somewhere along the line, I forgot how.

I have always been very upfront and honest with my goings-on here at Random Girl. Everything in this blog, unless specifically identified as fiction, has been lived by me. I have shared the good, the bad, the scandalous, the joyous, the disappointing, and the confusing. All of it has been here for you to read and comment on. More importantly, it is here for me to reflect on.

So last week, I told you that I had a pleasant evening/morning with Secret Agent Man. I was sincere about that. What didn't get posted  yet is that I also saw Fireman and Neighbor Guy before the week was out.  I had more orgasms collectively last week than I have had in quite a while. That would be the "glass half full" outlook. The "glass half empty" outlook would be that, I did more out of a feeling of obligation and expectation that I would, as opposed to my desire or want to spend time with those people or in that situation with them.

That's a problem. Even I can see that.

Somewhere along the line, in my pursuit of being a woman pursued, I lost perspective of why I want that. Why I seek that out. What I really want seems to no longer matter, it has become a matter of wanting what I have in front of me. That's not good enough anymore.

I have begun to contemplate what the alternative would look like for me.

What if I took a break? What if I quit having sex for a while? How would my life change? What could I do with the time and energy now consumed by these pursuits, on these false "relationships" and dead end situations?  

What if I broke ties with the guys I am currently with and cleared the slate. Can I do it? Most of you have been with me on the majority of my ups and downs with Fireman in particular and despite "firing" him multiple times before, I always end up back in the bedroom with him. What would be any different this time? How would I keep from going back to him again?

Can I say No? Can I keep saying No? Should I? What happens if I don't?

I know I have asked a lot of questions in today's post. I don't expect any answers from anyone but myself but I thought I would at least put it out there, share with you what's on my mind and why, with the hope that as I make my decisions that you all can help hold me accountable and build my resolve to start thinking about things a little differently going forward.

So I say "thank you" in advance for hearing me out and helping me think things through, encouraging me to do what needs done, and forgiving me when I am weak. In a way this has become my new "Flawed" post, but it looks a lot different than my original concept of it did!

For those of you that didn't make it over to S30P to see my "One Word" post there, here it is.

One Word
All it would take
Is just one word
And everything would change
Bad decisions
Regret
Abusing myself
It all could be done
With just one word
No
Stop
Don’t
I can’t seem to find my voice 
Such a simple thing
To speak a word
Could change direction
Reroute an entire life 
But the word evades me
Hides behind “yes” and “of course”
Overpowered by "I want to"
Stays silent
When it should scream out
It’s buried
Far beneath the “I will”
The “why not?”
Silenced by the “would you expect anything else of me?” 
It’s what you expect
And what I accept
That I will
That I want to
That I have no reason not to 
That one word just sits there
Powerless and unspoken
Waiting for the day that I find my voice
And finally say it
No.

** This is also serving as my Indie Ink Challenge response to my challenge from Kirk. His challenge was: Is the Glass Half Full or Half Empty?
I challenged Alyssa this week. Her response will be posted here when complete. 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Studio 30 Plus featured post today is from your's truly - Go Check it!

The good people at Studio 30 Plus asked me to be a featured writer today at the S30P Magazine.

Of course I said yes!

I love that place. If you haven't joined Studio 30 Plus yet, you need to get over there an check it out. It's a great community for writers to be challenged, learn from one another, and just have a good time.

I did a little bit of poetry for my featured post. It was not what I intended to contribute but it hit me over the head yesterday, almost literally, and I needed to get it out there. It is titled "One Word" and it's probably not what you think. Curious? Go read it!

Hope you enjoy!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Soft-Core Friday - Shut Up and Pull My Hair revisited

Happy "Soft-Core" Friday kids!

My apologies for not coming up with a new post for you all. I spent my Thursday riding roller coasters that rocked my face off, laughing way too much with a best friend, and in general acting like a 14 year old. It was fantastic and much needed.

For today's "Soft-Core" post, I thought I would revisit one of my very early, and still most popular, posts since most of you weren't following Random Girl around when it came out the first time. This post led to some fantastic comments and conversation and I think it warrants being revisited for all my new Random Girl friends.
The link to the original post and comments is here. Go check it out to see the all the rowdiness it stirred up! It also resulted in one my popular posts to date at The Dude Society. That article can be found here.

Shut Up and Pull My Hair
If there was one thing I could say that would sum up how I best liked to be "loved", it would have to, beyond any doubt, be "Shut Up and Pull My Hair!"

That can be taken literally.

My favorite single bestie and I were lamenting one evening over how complicated guys make it with us. We are not that complicated. If you pay attention even a little bit, you should have a clue. But many don't. We need a T-shirt with that simple instruction on it. Life would be so much easier.

Let me break it down for you. It's about finding the right mix of anticipation and aggression. Once you have been green-lighted, and you will know if you have been green-lighted (trust me on that), it's time to handle it.

I don't want to be asked if you can kiss me. I want you to look at me, really look at me, like a look that tells me I am about to be in very big trouble. Then I want you to push me up against the wall, pin my hands above my head, and kiss me like you mean it. If I respond favorably, and I most likely will to a kiss like that, keep doing it. And feel free to run your hands through my hair and give it a nice firm, prolonged tug. No really. Do it please.

It's that easy, really. A kiss like that leaves no room for questions or shyness. The intentions are clear.

That friends, is what the "Shut Up and Pull My Hair" sentiment is really all about.


I have to put the disclaimer out there that this approach may not be appropriate for all women.  And never, under any circumstances, consider doing this if the green-light moment has not arrived. This could scare the shit of a meek and mild manner second-virginity type of lady and I don't want to be responsible for that so use your very best judgement ok guys? And, when in doubt or if totally clueless, ask her how she likes to be kissed.

But, and I think you ladies will agree (since most of you are fellow freaks in the blogworld), most women really want to be kissed like this and the rewards will be very....enjoyable...  for you men brave enough to just "Shut Up and Pull My Hair".

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Guys and ladies alike. Don't be shy kids.... 

Photocredit: http://www.123rf.com/photo_884737_portrait-of-a-young-couple-kissing-and-hugging.html

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Rediscovering the Joy of the Morning "Quickie"

It has been a while since Randy has found herself with a guy who I let stay the night. Like the whole night. Like "see me first thing in the morning". There are numerous reasons for this, but the stars aligned on a recent evening and I found myself waking up next to Secret Agent Man.

I haven't written much about him recently because dude is off on assignment, out of the country, or just generally unavailable for face-to-face consultation. But I still enjoy seeing him when he is around. Our time together is enjoyable, I like his company, his taste in restaurants, and his intelligent conversation. He is wicked smart. Oh yeah, he's pretty hot too!

So after a recent enjoyable evening out, and a more enjoyable evening in afterwards, I invited him to stay the night. We both hate to be touched when we are sleeping so we were on the same page there. We slept well on our respective sides of the bed and were sad to hear the alarm go off in the morning. We both had to get up and shuffle off to the daily grind as we are very important people as you can imagine and neither of our respective employers could function without us.

He is such a strictly regimented human being that I was certain that he would not be altering his normal morning routine to hang around for too long. But I was pleasantly surprised when he made his way over to my side of the bed and made it fairly clear that he could spare a few minutes to get our days started off right.

I had almost forgotten how nice it was to wake up next to someone that I'm actually glad is there and have a little bit of morning fun. If every day could start off like that morning did, I would be a much more pleasant person to deal with at work....I guarantee it!

If you haven't started your day off with a morning quickie in a while, make it happen. It really is a fantastic way to start your day with a smile.



I was so inspired by this lovely morning event, that I wrote a new article for The Dude Society about it. 
Here is a sneak peek. Get over there and show me some comment love if you would! 

The Morning Quickie: Nature’s Best Alarm Clock



Few things are dreaded as much as the sound of the alarm clock buzzing in the morning. That usually signals the beginning of the daily grind, but take it as your cue to start your day off right.
Instead of pressing snooze… waiting until the last possible second to get up and going, reach for your girl and have a morning quickie to get both your days started with a smile (or moan, as it might be).

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Help Find Lauren Spierer - Here's How You Can Help

Lauren needs to be found. You can help. 

As you may recall from my previous post on Lauren's disappearance, or by now I'm sure you have seen on national TV, America's Most wanted, or by Twitter trending for #findLauren, Lauren Spierer is still missing after disappearing in the early morning hours on June 3rd. The timeline that has been established for Lauren's last whereabouts is found here

There has been a tremendous number of tips received, and investigators and volunteers are tirelessly searching to bring Lauren home. It is critical that focus remain on this case and on this mission. This is where you can help. 

First, follow the blog that has been set up to relay the most current information on the search for Lauren. It provides you with all the information you need to share her story


Secondly, consider dedicating a blog post to finding Lauren and including the information included in my post. The more people that see and hear about Lauren, the greater the chances of bringing her back to her family. 


If you can, help organize volunteers to get them searching on the ground in Bloomington: 




Also, Remind others of the tip line and the reward. "Any information would be most helpful." 


Lastly, please follow @NewsOnLaurenS on Twitter  for continuous updates. 

If this was your daughter, your sister, or your friend, you would leave no stone unturned to find her. I appreciate your continued support and hope you will consider a blog post of your own to get the message out there. 

Monday, June 20, 2011

Voice of Silence - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

It's time for another Indie Ink Challenge post.

This one, by far, stumped me the most out of all the one's I have had so far. I even went so far as to reach out to my challenger, Amy,  for clarification. She in turn, gave me complete freedom to interpret the prompt in my own way. That was the worst possible thing to do...too much freedom to me is punishment as I am a rule follower when it comes to assignments but I decided to quit whining and start writing.
My Challenge this week: "Art, thou art vox"

I challenged Ixy at http://ms-ixy.blogspot.com/

And here I go: "Art, Thou art vox"

“Art, thou art vox.” He just blurted it out in the darkness as we were lying there together.  He was always doing that, just saying some random thing he had heard or read when there really was no need for anything to be said. He could not tolerate long stretches of silence. 

I sighed and rolled away from him, not in the mood to try and decipher yet another one of his "profound" one-liners, which really were nothing more than something he decided to just put out there to hang between us without context or really any good reason at all.  

Why couldn’t he just say something real? Something important? Something I wanted to hear?  That’s not how it worked with us. I was not someone he was going to invest in with a real conversation. I knew that.

But really? Could he not come up with anything better than that? No, no he probably couldn’t. Or just plain wouldn’t. Anything else could lead to questions, conversations, him having to answer something of significance, and that simply would not do. No, it was much safer for him to stick to obscure statements of nothingness. No meaning, nothing that could lend itself to further conversation or questions or him having to explain its relevance.

At first, I used to think that him putting things out there in such an abrupt and out-of-the-blue sort of way was him being clever, intriguing, trying to draw me in or think he was mysterious or profound.  I quickly realized it was his was of shutting me down, avoiding me, telling me that he was done with whatever we had just been involved with and he was retreating back into himself and wished not to be disturbed.

After all, I was not there for him to have conversations with. No, my purpose was a much different one. He had other people that he turned to when he needed to talk.  He needed me for other things.  I gave him things that he couldn’t get somewhere else.  We both knew that.

And so here we are; laying in the darkness. And the best he could come up with was “Art, thou art vox.”  Yes, art was a voice, but a voice for what? Not his feelings.  If anything it was a voice of denial. A voice of avoidance the way he used that sentence in our context. It was never going to change with us. I would never get those conversations, the words with meanings. Those were never going to be for me.  It truly was a voice of silence.

I had had enough of it. He didn’t get to hide behind a random statement followed by silence any more.

“Do you think you will ever love me?” I asked him.

“Probably not.” he said.

Maybe I should have just been satisfied with the silence. 


Friday, June 17, 2011

Soft-Core Friday - Reality is Better Than Fantasy

Ever heard one of those true life stories that makes you think "Damn, that is hot! For real???"  Well this is one of those. 

Today is not about me though. Today's Soft-Core Friday is a guest post from one of my gentleman friends. And I do mean friend, not code word for boy toy so get your heads out of the gutter, kids! I am lucky to have such good friends that are willing to share their hot sexscapades with me and in return allow me to share with you. 

I particularly appreciate this post. It reminds that sex in a committed relationship and/or marriage can be just as hot as sex with almost-strangers. It's also a good lesson that it doesn't just stay hot, you have to work at it and make the effort to keep it that way. So for that, I thank you friend. 

His Story: 
I've learned more from not having sex than having it. I didn't have it a lot when I was a teenager nor did I have it much when I was married the first time. This honed a people watching skill and a chemistry with my wife that lends to interesting observations and the best sex life I've ever had.
 
When I hear "once you get married, the sex disappears" or "kids take away your sex drive" I clench my fists like a UFC fighter in the Octagon. Neither are true. What causes lack of sex or loss of sex drive (outside of a medical condition or mental illness) is laziness.
 
I've had sex three times this week including this morning. Each escapade occurred because my wife and I read each other perfectly and we punched excuses in the face until they were bloody pulps.
 
I walk through my office, the grocery store, or God forbid, the mall; and see the look. That look on men's faces that scream "I'm not getting any sex or I'm not getting good sex". It kind of looks like the face people in movies make when they lose hope and turn into a zombie or sell their soul to the devil. I carried this look as a teenager and during my first marriage. The look was my fault, not the chicks who weren't having sex with me. You make your sex life happen. You are responsible. Yes, the women have the pussy and it talks, I get that. But the majority of women, especially the ones who want to see you naked and spend time with you want to have sex. You have to make the chemistry happen.
 
Two days ago, my wife and I were in the middle of a dry spell, for us, of 4 days. She was sick for two, I worked a ton the other two. Bottom line was, we were getting lazy. My wife sent me this text "I'm making a shopping trip. Can you skip the gym today? We have three hours to ourselves." Instead of bitching about not going to the gym or wanting to use the 3 hours to get stuff done I normally wouldn't get around to because of my kids, I thought "damn, she's buying something we can use in the bedroom, and all I have to do is shut up and get naked". So I did. She brought home body butter and likable sex gel. We started in the bathtub with the body butter, which is kind of girly but smells good and feels not that bad, then washed it off in the shower where we started having some very spontaneous, good sex. By the time we made it to the bedroom, we had lickable gel on the right parts of our body and both of us had orgasms from oral. For the next hour we took out time, going at it, slowing down, going hard again, until both of us were happy and laughing. We made time for each other. We slapped excuses away and made time to fuck.
 
Yesterday at the pool I saw this couple. They were in great shape. He was gym buffed and she was gorgeous with great boob job and tan to match. They had the look. They weren't having sex. There was distance between them you could sink the Titanic around. They weren't having sex. They had time to look great. They didn't have time for each other. Their wedding rings even sparkled. They made time to clean them. They weren't getting it done behind closed doors.
 
One of my kids came home early during our sexual fun. She was 45 minutes early. Neither my wife or I freaked out. We went into the bathroom and kept going until we were satisfied enough.
 
Marriage isn't an excuse to being miserable, sexually. Can you do stuff in public like you could when you were single? No. My kids don't have bail money and my job that pays the mortgage would frown on that charge on my record. But you can find time satisfy fantasies, be creative, have lunchtime quickies and make each other content.
 

Monday, June 13, 2011

The Worst Thing I've Ever Done - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

I think this thing is rigged! How else would I get this challenge? Really... 


But regardless of my accusations of being set up, I was again given a great challenge prompt as part of the Indie Ink weekly challenge. I'm telling you, if you have not gotten in on the action yet, you really need to. Every week I am more and more amazed by the writing that comes out of it from the kids that participate. 


This week, I was challenged by Amanda. Her challenge was this: What's the worst thing you've ever done? 


My challenge went to A Lil Irish Lass and will be posted here when her response is ready. 


Here's what you get for my challenge response this week. Enjoy! 





The Worst Thing


What's the worst thing I’ve ever done? It’s really hard to say.  To narrow all the bad things down to just one “worst” thing?   I don’t know that I am qualified to make that determination. I usually start off with good intentions if that counts for anything.

If I had to choose just one thing and own it though, it would probably be something I did to myself.  I have always had a high tolerance for self-inflicted pain of the physical variety.  Piercings, tattoos, and things of the like. If it was my choice to be hurt, I can own the pain that comes from the decision. I actually kind of enjoy the process to be honest with you.

It was a different story when the self-inflicted pain was of the emotional variety. I found out that was not quite as easily owned and certainly not as easily tolerated.

One year ago at this time, almost to the day, I fell in love. I’m talking the real true deal. My divorce had just become final, I was feeling free for the first time in too many years to count, and was perfectly content running my own agenda and not compromising for anyone. And that’s when I met him.

I am not someone that falls in gooey, sickening, “I can’t live without you” love. I am much too reasonable for that. I have always made decisions based on logic and followed a path of what made sense to do as next steps. I can say that the day I married my husband that I loved him but I wasn’t madly, passionately, crazy in love with him.

We made sense together and the next logical step was for us to get married and start our career climbs and have the perfect suburban life. So we did. And that worked for a while. And then that wasn’t enough anymore.  We weren’t in the right kind of love with each other to weather the perfect storm that got thrown our way. We made the logical decision and got divorced. I still love him, but I’m not in love with him.

The last thing I expected was to find myself madly, crazy, “I can’t live without you” in love. Ever. That was just not something I would do. But I did. I mean I really did. Head first, jump in, no looking back, all or nothing love.  The connection that we had from the very first look, first word… was like nothing ever in my life prior.

And I’m not talking about lust. That I know well and find often. This was completely different. This was something on a whole different level. The intensity swallowed me alive, left me gasping for air, unable to escape what he was to me. There was no room for logic or next practical steps. It was really a force unto itself. We were just too caught up in it, in each other, to worry about such trivial things like common sense.

He would write me a letter. One every week. Sometimes he mailed it; sometimes he delivered it in person. Those letters were like nothing I had ever read. No one had ever painted a clearer picture of the life I wanted before. It was truly like he was in my soul and knew everything my heart desired. I didn’t know how I would ever be enough for him. I certainly couldn’t return what he was giving to me. I didn’t know how. I’m not the type of girl to fall in love.

There was no choice with him. It was a matter that was beyond my control. I couldn’t have created a space between us if I was forced to. We spent entire weekends devouring each other, leaving only to get food and then returning immediately to pick up where we left off.

It wasn’t sex or fucking or love making, no, it was something entirely different.  Sometimes it was as if we were purposely hurting each other because it was an intensity that was so great that there really was not an adequate way to express it to each other. It wasn’t enough. It couldn’t be enough. There was too much for it to be satisfied.

It was during our times apart, when I could catch my breath, regain vision of my surroundings when they weren’t blocked by seeing only him in my world that I could see what it really was.  It was intense and amazing. It was also really unhealthy and borderline co-dependent. Somewhere between the love letters and the weekends of sex, he had taken over control of me. Literally.

If we weren’t physically together, I was to be online and available to him pretty much 24/7. I was never allowed to question anything, because I would always be wrong, or unreasonable, or not loving him right.   

Slowly as time went by, I began to realize that I was losing myself completely.  This wasn’t the normal give and take, compromising, that you expected to do as a relationship grows. This was a complete surrender. I was being taken hostage by him under the disguise of his overwhelming love for me.  By the time I realized it, it was almost too late.

We had looked at houses and were signing the lease papers to make it official that day. That was the day I ended it.  It was as if some survival instinct kicked in and allowed me the clarity to see how destructive and abusive the relationship had become. What was once beautiful had turned rancid. Somewhere along the line it turned from love to control, and I never saw it coming.  

It was still just as intense as it had started, we were literally like magnets, drawn to each other beyond our own power but now the force that propelled us was dark and would only end with me being completely consumed by him or completely without him. I was not willing to be owned by him.  It had to end.

The worst thing I’ve ever done? It’s hard to say for sure. But letting myself fall in love with someone who didn’t deserve it has to be near the top of the list.

Never Again. 

Updated 6/14/11:
In an ironic twist, I am going to see Ray LaMontagne in concert tonight. Why is it ironic you ask? Because his song "You Are The Best Thing" was "our" song from the very beginning. I guess something good came from the experience, I got introduced to an amazing singer/songwriter and can now enjoy his music with a bit of sad reverence. This was the song that was supposed to be playing in the background as we danced around the kitchen and kissed while making dinner. It was a good plan.  



  

Could You Be A Boy Toy? Random Girl at The Dude Society

They say good writers write about things they know. I am not sure exactly what it says about me as a writer or as a person that I write about boy toys but hey, it is what it is.

After whining about my broken boy toy last week, I decided to make a sort of PSA for The Dude Society to just give guys a "heads up" about how the boy toy situation should work and give them some information to help decide if it is something they would or wouldn't want to part of. There are even helpful tips on how to find out if they are dealing with someone that may be a high potential boy-toy seeker. I'm such a giver!

Here is sneak peek of my last article at The Dude Society. Don't be shy! Take a look and leave a little comment love over there is you don't mind.


Could You Be A Boy Toy?

For many guys, having a strictly sexual relationship with someone seems like an ideal situation… But, is being her boy toy a game you want to play?

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Help Find Lauren Spierer

Most of my posts here are light-hearted and far from serious. This is not one of them.

Right now, there is a family that is missing their daughter. Lauren Spierer disappeared seemingly into thin air around 4:30AM on Friday 6/3/11, without a trace. I cannot imagine the pain that this family and tight-knit community are experiencing as the days stretch on and there is still no sign of her. Someone, somewhere knows where she is.

I don't know her or her family personally, but a lost daughter is something I cannot comprehend the devastation of so anything I can do to help, I will.

Everyday since it was discovered that she didn't make it home, there have been teams of searchers, volunteers, family members, complete strangers from all over, assembling to look for her several times a day. They are leaving no stone unturned in their search to bring Lauren home.

With so many days now since she has been missing, she could be anywhere. Please take a moment to say a prayer for Lauren and her family, and keep your eyes open for her.

The support response on Twitter, blogs, national and local media, and celebrities in supporting this search has really been amazing. But you can never have too many people looking for someone that has vanished.

Please grab this button and add it to your blog until Lauren is brought home.
<center><a href="http://www.findlauren.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g123/taxmegan/lauren.png" border="0" /></a></center>

Also a blog has been created to keep updates on Lauren in one centralized place. Please FOLLOW
http://newsonlaurens.blogspot.com/

Please also follow @NewsonLaurenS on Twitter and RT as many postings as you can.
Lauren Spierer flyer. Please print, post, share on social media sites. #FindLauren #KEEPtheFAITH

Friday, June 10, 2011

Soft-Core Friday - Your customized sexy voicemail message

Soft-Core Friday is once again upon us. Just one more reason why Friday is the most kick-ass day of the work week...am I right kids? 

It does however keep sneaking up on me and I am left scrambling to find just the perfect naughty thing to share with you. This week, I was bailed out by Twitter. I love that place. Really. So many fantastical things just popping up before my very eyes. 

This link came up late last night and what it leads to is no less than greatness. You all know those hilarious Old Spice commercials with the studly guy saying all sorts of ridiculous things right? Well, this let's you create your own MP3 file for your voice mail that you customize and he narrates. It is hilarious and awesome. 


Here is a copy of the script and the options you can choose, I had some big time fun with this one! It has options to be used for a guy or a girl's voice mail so it is equal opportunity, that was nice if them! 

Old Spice Voicemail Message Generator

You may be aware of a recent Old Spice advertising campaign featuring a handsome man in absurd situations.
He has posted a video on YouTube that could be used to prepare a personalized voicemail message (and then another one for ladies).
This page generates such messages for you.
Choose the parts of the message that you want and press "generate". You'll get an MP3 file with your message.
Since there were many questions about it: this website doesn't send the message to your phone.
It just makes an MP3 file (the phone number is only there because it can be included in the message).
You have to figure out how to set the message on your voicemail by yourself.
It's likely that your best bet is holding the phone to your computer's speakers while recording the message.
Drop me an email if you have any questions or comments: jfedor@jfedor.org.
phone number:  

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Think My Boy Toy Is Broken

You wouldn't think it would be so hard. To find a nice, simple boy toy that a girl can keep on-call for when she wants some....play time. Easy enough right??  Not so much....


You have all had the annoying duty privilege of following my adventures with Fireman.  And although we have been on again/off again/on again for various reasons for quite some time, we had recently been successfully "on again" and things were clicking along swimmingly.

 Is he still high maintenance? Yes. Does he still have scheduling conflicts? Yes. Was I finding other distractions to keep me from being bothered by either of these things? Yes.

So all is well, right? Well, yes and no. Things were back to good and well until he decided that upon his most recent visit, that he needed to talk.  About feelings. More specifically, his feelings for me.  Please. Just. Don't.

Can't it ever be left that good enough is good enough and we can keep it at that? This is why I don't want to talk with him, or see him outside of the bedroom, or really be involved in his life in any way that does not end with us getting off.

I know, it sounds selfish....because it is. But that was our agreement so it's not like I am flipping the script on him now after saying I wanted something else. There was never any confusion on my part. I'm hoping that there isn't any real confusion on his part and he was just feeling sentimental for the night or hell, maybe he was drunk... I don't know or care to dive any deeper into his "feelings" because NOTHING good will come from that.

So I will let him off with a warning on this one for getting caught up in my awesomeness and hope that all this nonsense "feelings" talk doesn't surface again. That's fair right?

And if it does? Well then as my new buddy Dillon reminded me via Twitter the other night, in the immortal words of Jay-Z, it will need to be "on to the next one"......  "  And because he inspires me to be "big pimpin'" you get that as my song of the day!
Oh and if you aren't following me on Twitter yet, you are missing some stellar play-by-plays as I have a tendency to tweet in near real time while all of these shenanigans are going down. Hook it up! @randomgirlblog on the Twitter. Do it now!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

An Unlikely Source - Indie Ink Weekly Challenge

I took a week off from the Indie Ink writing challenge and I missed writing for it. I'm glad to be back up in the mix this week. If you haven't already joined in the fun, quit messing around and go sign up for it...do it now before I get all bossy on you! 


This week my challenge prompt came from Jason Hughes.
 It was this: A life lesson learned from an *extremely* unlikely source/event...


I challenged my girl Alyssa. Her response will be posted here shortly. 


Here is my response to Jason's challenge to me. Enjoy! 



I opened the fortune cookie and just stared at it. Really? Is that really the best fortune that you could give me, destiny? A tempting proposal will soon present itself to me?  Not that riches await me or that I am about to embark on a life-changing adventure? A tempting proposal. Ok then.

Instead of throwing that little gem of fortune away with the rest of the take-out containers and soy sauce packets like I normally would, I hung on to it. I stuck it up on the front of my fridge with my dentist appointment reminder cards and bachelorette party invitations and other various items that I needed to be reminded of.  And there it stayed. Held in place by a clear glass magnet with the word “Hope” written in pretty purple script on the inside. 

I would glance at the fortune hanging by the “hope” magnet every once in a while on my way into the kitchen with my arms loaded down with groceries or rushing out the door on my way to an appointment and think “well, any damn time now would be nice!”

On days when I was feeling particularly cynical, I would question it outright, demanding to know exactly what its definition of “tempting” was because maybe I was just expecting too much and my tempting proposal had already been presented to me like a good Groupon I bought or the buy 1 get 1 deal I snatched up while shopping last week.  I had a feeling neither of those were it though.

So I waited. Growing more disenchanted by the day, convinced that this foretold “tempting proposal” was nothing more than false hope printed in a stupid cookie that came with mediocre Chinese food.

I finally got sick of it mocking me with its red letters from the front of my refrigerator and took it down, tore it in half and threw it in the trash where it should have gone in the first place with the empty take-out containers and soy sauce packets.

And then I got the e-mail. There it was. My tempting proposal had indeed presented itself to me. And this was an offer I simply could not refuse. It was more than coincidence or luck. It was as my fortune foretold.  Those red letters on the little white strip of paper that I pulled from the inside of a cookie that I got with mediocre Chinese food and had torn up and thrown away.

I dug those two raggedly torn little pieces of paper out of the trash and taped them back together with care. I didn’t want to jinx what I had just been given, a tempting proposal had indeed come my way and I owed it all to that fortune cookie.




Monday, June 6, 2011

Boys Behaving Badly

I am usually the first one to applaud some scandalous shenanigans between consenting adults. I am certainly not one to rain on any one's parade when it comes to that.  But I have to tell you, this trends seems to be getting a little out of control.

As you may recall, my last "Soft-Core" Friday post was about the "lewd twitter pic" allegedly from Rep. Anthony Weiner to one of his Tweeps.  Well again today, yet another "lewd" (their words not mine because his pecs are HOT) photo surfaced, allegedly of the Rep. yet again. Add to that the John Edwards plea agreement for his using campaign funds to hide his mistress and resulting love-child. Add to that Arnold and his housekeeper and that love child. Add to that the IMF chief allegedly assaulting the hotel maid. Add to that...... you get where I am going with this right?

Now I am not naive enough to think that I should expect a certain level of ethics or moral standard from my elected political officials/presidential candidates/financial institution gurus but really.... should I expect so little? My main issue is not even so much that the guys are sending pics of their junk all over the twitterverse or hiding mistresses and love children, is that they make such a concerted effort to avoid/evade/deny being found out.

If you do the dirt, then just own it. Don't waste our time, money, and news coverage with denials, avoidances, and smoke screens. Don't put your families through more hurt and pain than the acts themselves would have caused had you just come clean to start with.

Very few people walk around this earth without a sin or two or without having been guilty of using poor judgement once in a while. You will gain much more respect and maintain some shred of credibility if you just own what you are, a flawed person who exhibited bad judgement, and accept the consequences with grace. Who can't relate to that?

**Update: as of 4:25 est Monday 6/6/11, Rep Weiner held a press conference to finally come clean, admit the pics are of him and he sent them and cried with "great regret for the pain he had caused".  Better late than never dude. Nothing like dragging this out for a week when it could have been done and over with the truth when it broke a week ago, just sayin'  **

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Are you ready for Blogger Idol?


OK, So I fully expect that each of you fantabulously talented kids is going to be going balls out for the chance to be the first BLOGGER IDOL right?? Don't disappointment me! 

In case you didn't know (and the handy dandy little button the margin of my blog wasn't a big enough clue for you) yours truly has been asked to be a Blogger Idol judge. I have no idea how my credentials warrant that kind of honor but I am going to take it and not ask any questions that might make anyone reconsider! 

So get your cute little asses over to the BLOGGER IDOL page and get your homework done so you can throw down for the honors, awards, and most of all, the bragging rights! 

Friday, June 3, 2011

Soft-Core Friday - With a Name like that, how could this not happen?

As I was scrambling to figure out a "Soft-Core" Friday post late Thursday night (since the Monday holiday really F'd my whole weekly thinking up) one topic just begged to be featured: Anthony Weiner's Twitter pic/hacking scandal.

As much as I want this to just go away because I am sick of hearing about it, it just won't. If I had a dollar for each time I heard a newscaster suppress a grade-school giggle as they made some sort of juvenile, innuendo filled segue this week, I could put my princess through college. For reals.

If you have been living under a rock, the basic storyline is that Rep. Weiner has a twitter pic of what is supposedly his package sent to a young college co-ed who he followed on Twitter.

This is just too good to not blow up into a huge scandal right? Well, yes and no. The interesting part is that he is not denying that it is his weiner in the picture, he has claimed that he "can't with certitude say it isn't me".  Instead, he takes the angle that his account was hacked and the photo, if it is him, was taken out of context. Hmm... interesting explanation.

Either way, I don't care in the least. I am just tired of hearing "weiner/Weiner" in any context. Are you with me?? And seriously, based on this alleged twitter pic of his that started all of this craziness...well, you know... it truly is NO BIG DEAL. Let's move on kids.


Here is a link to my girl Rachel Maddow's interview with him. She is beyond quality and does her homework.
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/rep-weiner-tells-maddow-twitter-photo-maybe-started-out-being-a-photo-of-mine/

For a funny take on it, check out Jon Stewart's coverage on the story. He is having an angel/devil battle over reporting it with a hilarious musical accompaniment. Don't miss this!



On another note, I had the privilege of catching this sight first hand while at The Palms Ditch Friday pool party last week. And in honor of yet another relapse with my fireman recently, thought I would share for my girls to get a little "Soft-Core" Friday eye candy. You are welcome ladies!