Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Day 7 of reverb11 - Forgiveness

Day 7 of reverb11 is here. A week down already!

Forgiveness - Who have you forgiven this year and what was the journey like that brought you to forgive them?

I have a hard time holding a grudge. Maybe I should try to stay mad longer and withhold forgiveness in certain circumstances when someone does something deserving of such treatment but I don't. I used to. And then I figured it out. 

When I am eaten up with anger and refusing to forgive someone for something, it is me that suffers from that, not them. They go about their business not really impacted by my anger or grudge, while I on the other hand let it steal my joy and preoccupy my mind with negativity when I could be using that time and energy to enjoy something positive instead. 

I didn't figure this out gracefully or on my own accord. I used to really dig in my heels, cross my arms defiantly, and refuse to forgive someone until they showed the proper level of repentance and remorse to meet  my expectation. It was exhausting. And it did far more damage than good. 

So I just quit taking that approach. Now, when someone asks forgiveness from me, they get it. I hope that I am treated in the same manner because Lord knows that I do my share of hurtful things and nothing makes me feel worse than genuinely asking for someone's forgiveness and them refusing me. 


  1. I couldn't agree more. When I was growing up (12-17) I HATED my parents, mainly my step-dad. After I moved out I realized that it was too exhausting to carry around so much negative energy. It wasn't doing anyone any good. Letting go of it all was a HUGE relief.

  2. Hi...I've been so behind on reading so hope you forgive me! This is a great post. It is so unhealthy for me to be angry at people. I get the nerves churning in my stomach and sit and dwell and worry. It's just not worth it is it? I am learning to just move on.

  3. Letting go of anything powerful is difficult. Releasing that emotion from ourselves is paramount to recovery, yet we fight tooth and nail to hold onto it, like its' our last breath.

    You touched on the important component to all of this-- Communication... You held onto your pain, until you felt that the other person had communicated 'remorse' or some other form of regret. So in your eyes, they had communicated to YOU that they understood that they had wronged you. How about we just all communicate that in the first place, and say "I'm Sorry" when we need to?
    Anger, frustration, and grudges are all common emotions. So are shame, pity and empathy. Maybe we should move love, compassion and understanding up the list a little bit.

  4. I wish it were as easy for me as it is for you. i have a hard time finding forgiveness in my heart. It is something I try to be mindful of but when I am angry it isn't always easy. Thanks for sharing.

  5. that was really well put, and so true. i'm exactly the same; i torture myself obsessing about it and how hurt/angry i am when, like it or not, everyone else has moved on.

  6. I totally agree! Holding grudges is not healthy and yes, it is very, very, exhausting, as you wrote. When I was younger, I too, used to kick and scream and seethe until I felt that person or persons had shown enough remorse. But then like you, I realized that the only one I was hurting, was myself. Nowadays, I may be hurt or angry, but I won't hold a grudge. I will forgive. Because really, in the grand scheme of things, that's all that really matters.

  7. I sometimes feel like I forgive too easily. Is that possible? That somehow by being overly forgiving, I lack a tad bit of self-respect. People know I will forgive them so they repeat the injuries, like I'm their welcome mat where they get to conveniently wipe the mud off their feet...

    I wonder.


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