Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Naked Girl in a Dress is taking over Random Girl - You don't want to miss this!

This is a very good day! Today my friend Kelly, the brilliant voice behind Naked Girl in a Dress, is gracing the kids at Random Girl with a guest post.

If you aren't already following Naked Girl, go check her site out and add it to your blogroll...immediately! You won't regret it!  She always has something of substance to talk about and sheds perspective on what a lot of us are pondering every day, including dating, divorce, setting goals, and recognizing the moments that really count in life.

She has been a great friend, both online and in real life, and has even hosted Random Girl over at her place. If you missed that post, you can check it out here.

Now, without further ado... I bring you Naked Girl in a Dress!

I was honored when Random Girl asked me to guest post today. She is a versatile, talented writer and a wonderful friend. While I enjoy getting to know her through her writing, I have also been able to learn more about Random Girl through our friendship outside of blogging. Simply stated, she is a wonderful presence in my life. Random Girl is always uplifting, understanding, and positive. I didn’t hesitate to accept the offer to write for her today.

Perfecting Who We Are

“I am never dating again. I am finished and am at peace with being alone.”

At least that is what I stated in a long email to a friend recently. It seemed, with my overwhelming sadness, my time for dating was over.

The cause of my angst was another breakup. What might be surprising is that I broke up with the guy. That doesn’t seem right to me, to hurt so much when I end it.  I have spent much time wondering what is wrong with me. No one else I know becomes as upset as I do when ending a relationship with someone.

Why do breakups, even ones I initiate, hurt so much?

Why do I have an inability to casually date a few guys without getting so involved?

Why isn’t the online dating process getting easier for me?

I spent a week crying over someone who was not right for me, but I would miss. I was also upset I hurt him by ending it. I was angry with myself for feeling deeply and letting my heart get involved to this point so often as well.

A friend who knew I was struggling with the thought of dating again sent me the following:

“We should spend time perfecting who we actually are, instead of trying to be the person we wish we were.”

This resonated for me. Something clicked and I finally got it. I can only be me when dating. I am not comfortable serial dating, I feel emotions deeply, and I don’t like to hurt others with a break up.

It’s going to hurt again.

Own it.

Embrace it.

Be me.


  1. Great post Naked Girl. I'm coming to the end of a 5 year relationship and I'm really not looking forward to dating again but I'm just going to be me and that's all there is to it.

  2. Well put.

    For the guys out there, I'll translate:

    The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

    I kid, I kid.

    Honestly, I've been down that road. When I finally split with my now-ex-wife, I realized I had been living a lie. I changed who I was to fit her mold, and it still wasn't good enough.

    When I started being the best ME I could be, I found myself happier. And I found a woman who loved the real me. I'm now happier than I have ever been, and there is no facade.

    High five for you. ^5

  3. @Bouncin' Barb: Thank you! It can be difficult to find your way in the dating scene. I am doing my best, but it isn't easy! I have to say though, I would rather be on this dating adventure than back in my broken marriage. Keep that in mind as you step back into the dating world. You made me laugh this morning with your guy translation!! Hilarious. I wrote a post about being unapologetic for who I am. So far it has worked well. It's tiring trying to please someone you really aren't meant to be with. I have been there too (my marriage). So glad you have a happy ending. Looking for mine now. :)

  4. Be yourself. It seems like such a simple concept but sometimes it's very cloudy territory. I'm glad that you were able to see that this is the best way for you. Eventually, someone else will see this too and there won't be the need to end things!

  5. @gotjack28: I have written about just being me, but sometimes you need a friend to remind you. In this case I was myself in the relationship, but found myself angry that I was emotional over the breakup when really, that is who I am. My friend's reminder to embrace who I am was a wonderful message at the perfect time too. Thanks for reading!

  6. I recently went through a breakup and experienced many of these thoughts. I also wonder when someone will come along that is just for now, but for a long, long time. (Forever sounds to cliche.)

  7. I am very much the same way, Kelly; we don't feel things lightly, but to our core. It's why we are so rattled by things that should only create tremors. And it blows.


I like attention, so give me some please!