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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dating a Single Mom? Here's one thing guaranteed to hurt her feelings.

Pardon me, but I'm going to kinda sorta rant for a second. Bear with me, I'll be over it soon mmmkay?

Today was a big day as you know by now. Here's how a guy dating a single mom can really screw up.

Last weekend was the princess's big pre-birthday party, complete with my family, the ex, and the ex's family. We are cool so we still do family stuff together. I invited Twin but gave him a pass to decline as it would be his first time not only meeting my family, but the ex and his posse as well. I understand how that could be awkward so I didn't want to put him in that situation.

He took the pass which was totally cool with me, and opted instead to plan to come over on her actual birthday for her special dinner to celebrate. It would just be the princess, my parents, and myself.

As of yesterday, the plan was he was coming at 3pm for "break time", we would get dressed, go pick up dinner and the princess, and come back for dinner with the fam as planned.

So today at 3:40, no Twin. I texted. No reply until almost an hour later. By that time I was already on my way to pick up dinner and my parents were on the way to pick up the princess so we could start the celebration.  He said he could "probably come by around 5".

Ummm, no thanks.

I told him I was already doing what we had agreed to do together due to his lack of response, and that he could just "come by another time" when it was more convenient for him.

Really?

I know that he is not the most punctual person, doesn't really believe in calendars, and is used to running on his own agenda but come on dude, you just blew off your woman's daughter's birthday....again.

For someone who claims to want to be involved in "the whole package" it seems like there are parts of the package that perhaps aren't quite as important.

I don't expect him to 100% engaged at this point, but I don't expect him to be quite this clueless either.

I will admit I am probably hyper-emotional about this topic today of all days, and I'm getting sick and feel like crap so that is probably contributing to my overall crankiness as well but for some reason I thought venting might make me feel better so I did it.

Am I being too harsh? Expecting too much? Putting too much on him too soon? Maybe...but maybe not.

The wall is slowly building back up...hope he is good at climbing or blowing it up.

21 comments:

  1. Yikes. I'm not a mother but I would imagine that you are always going to be more careful/emotional/sensitive when it comes to things that also involve Princess. I think you have every reason to be upset. It is a special day and he should have been extra certain to be on time. I hope he has a really good reason. HUGS.

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  2. Not cool, and you're not overreacting. I'd be pretty pissed even without my little one being involved. And this: "...doesn't really believe in calendars, and is used to running on his own agenda..." is no excuse for hurting the people you care about. Men! This stuff matters! Grrr.

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  3. Guy's Opinion: Not overreacting at all.

    If he needs to change plans, call or text BEFORE you have to miss a deadline, not later.

    He blew you off. Or forgot. Or had no intention of going in the first place. Not sure, but any way you slice it, not cool.

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  4. Aww..RG. I think whatever you are feeling is great. And you're feeling it which we don't often let ourselves do. I love what LinI said. Not overreacting at all. You are just feeling some stuff about it. And yes, you want him to be included and to have it be important because it's important to you. the end. And I agree. Not cool.

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  5. I agree with LiI. You're not overreacting at all. This guy clearly knew how important this was to you and should have responded accordingly. There was no reason for him to not be more proactive in contacting you if he thought something was wrong. Sorry.

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  6. NOT overreacting. He screwed up. Major fail!

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  7. Not overreacting. You decided to let this guy meet your daughter. Yeah, he's not her dad but if she expected him to be there, he should've been there because friends show up for birthdays and she knows he's your friend. It sends a bad message to both of you. His own agenda doesn't matter. And it sucks that he put a damper on your mood on your daughter's birthday. Ugh, I hate him now; but hopefully only until the next post when you tell us that he apologized or something.

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  8. No pass from The Onion either. It might be even be a deal breaker for me. He should have shown up to whatever you had going because he said he would, but the fact that it was a birthday for a child makes it especially annoying. Fail.

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  9. I'd be just as irritated. I understand the pass the first time but he seems to have completely disregarded pre-set plans. No call or text? I know how I am and I'd be picking a fight.

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  10. Nope. Not cool. NOT COOL. It's your daughter. Show up or shape up.

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  11. you didn't hear from him till 4:40? not cool. he can't send a fucking text?

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  12. RG. OK, as a typical a-hole man, please allow me to say that this is your intuition calling you. This behavior is one way men string women along. Make promises and then excuses, say they want what you want and then slowly prove otherwise.

    I'm sure some women do the same, but many men have developed these skills and damage lives in their trail. That feeling you have that he is insincere might be right on target.

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  13. not overreacting at all. his no-show, along with unreasonably slow response time, just signals disrespect and disregard for your plans, your family, and what is important to you. the fact that he said he would be in a place at a time for an event that's important to you and then neglected to do so is not okay past the age of, like, 18. if he's not going to behave like an adult, you have every right to be pissed. keep us posted!

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  14. Wow, you guys never cease to amaze me with how much you have my back and really give me such sincere, awesome insight into my issues. I consider you all my free therapy!

    Just an update on this. He call Wed night to tell princes happy birthday again, I didn't answer because I was in the middle of a work out and was still annoyed.

    Thursday he texted to follow up on a package he was having delivered to my house that hadn't come yet. Turns out, it was the birthday gift he had ordered last week to arrive on princess's birthday and he wanted it sent in the mail so she could be excited to get her very own package in the mail since he knows kids like that.

    He was right. She was. And it had been in my mailbox since Tuesday, I just hadn't gotten my mail all week. So yeah, I kind of feel bad now because he didn't blow off her birthday, he planned ahead for it and did it in a way that he thought would be special for her.

    The not keeping plans for her pre-birthday stuff is still an issue for me but the overall sentiment, him thinking of her, overrides that quite a bit I think, at least for me.

    So, there you have it, the full story... not a complete happy ending, but definitely a better one.

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  15. School-boy error really. If there was ever an opportunity to stamp a relationship as serious that was it. Dude flopped like a blind sword juggler.

    Really?!

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  16. Its up to you to establish the rules in the beginning of a relationship. Bend over in the beginning then he'll expect you to always bend over. I think men expect single moms to be easy to walk all over, like they're more desperate for a man. Good for you to be true to what is truly important. Its harder to fix things in a relationship when a bad pattern has been established early on...

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  17. It's great that he ordered a gift to be delivered and surprise her. But to blow off the event without even a text, still not ok. Communication is so very important in a relationship.

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  18. Guys respond to children a little differently than woman though. The gift was a nice touch, being there for her when she opened it, since he was under the impression that it would be delivered on her birthday, would have be a nicer gesture. Guys get nervous about children, especially ones that they didn't sire. I know my ex didn't miss a single event for my son from a previous relationship when we were together, even very early on, he was there because he knew it was important to me. I however, choose to attend his son's birthday party with his ex and family... he opted out of being around my ex, like I said guys are different.

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  19. I did see your update as I skimmed down to add my comment here so I'm very glad that Twin did have a plan to acknowledge Princess' birthday, my darling. I think that I would have given him the pass for not attending the pre-birthday bash since exes and families and ex's family is a LOT to hack at once. With the actual birthday dinner though, no pass. Begging off would have been one thing but there is no excuse for not calling to let you know. Unfortunately you won't know if he was simply careless with his time or if he could really have cared less if you know what I mean? This is why relationships are so difficult: to tell the difference you have to invest time and then hope that you get a positive return on the investment.

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  20. What an interesting post to read, thanks for bringing it up.

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