Monday, September 5, 2011

That's not how I planned it, but it's better....oh and some more shamelessness

The long weekend is winding down and I'm anxiously awaiting the text that tells me I can start the road trip to go pick my princess up. Time to get my heart back! Long weekends are awesome for her because she gets more time with her dad, but hard for me because I have to find ways to entertain myself and that sometimes works out... and sometimes doesn't. 

The plan for part of this weekend was to take a little trip down to Secret Agent Man's place on Saturday night after he flew home from being out of town for several weeks. We had been planning it for almost a week, sometimes in great detail, so I was pretty excited about the prospect of a little quality time with him. I was cautiously optimistic that it might actually work out but like I had expressed to several friends, I was going more with "won't" as opposed to "will" if I were honest with myself. 

In the meantime, I had date #2 with The Twin (named such because he does indeed have an identical twin). We had gone out last weekend on our first date. It was probably the best first date I had ever been on, probably because I had no expectations and really was kind of just doing it as a way to kill time until Secret Agent Man was home. 

He was a perfect gentleman despite us having obvious chemistry. He asked me out again for Friday and I accepted. We again had a great date, easy conversation the whole time, and I was even deemed puppy-worthy so I got to meet his baby boy. It was a late night, but again, we were fairly well-behaved as I had the intention of saving the real shenanigans for Secret Agent Man on Saturday night. He has seniority and all..... 

So Saturday afternoon comes and there has been no communication from Secret Agent Man. I'm not going to play that game so I text him that I assume our plans are not happening. He pulls the "miscommunication" line on me, or attempts to, and I promptly shut it down. He and I both know that there was no miscommunication, only him being a dick and me not being a priority yet again. I am not surprised. Luckily, I was planning on just such a circumstance and had plan B and plan C on deck and didn't miss a beat. I had a great night despite his dropping the ball. 

That is when I decided to make this little incident serve a purpose. It is standing as #22 on the 30 Days of Shamelessness: set a boundary

Thanks to his total disregard for our plans, I have set a new boundary. I will refuse to invest any effort in someone who invests nothing in me.  So maybe I should thank him for the lesson learned. 

Sunday night was spent with The Twin and his lifelong best friends and their wives. It was a great night. We had a cookout and a bonfire. And a lot of wine. It was a comfortable fit, both in terms of he and I, and us with his friends. I stayed the night with him and despite my not being able to sleep well at all, it was a good decision.  that's what naps are for right?? There might be some potential there but I'm just going to see how it works out.  

Secret Agent Man texted me today like Saturday's situation never even happened. Seriously? I hope he is not surprised when he doesn't hear back from me. The dude can launch nuclear missiles, he surely must be smart enough to know that I'm not OK with him. If not, we should probably all be a little afraid... 


  1. Better to learn that lesson late than not at all!

  2. You snooze, you lose Secret Agent Man! Good for you, having alternate plans, setting boundaries...and you had a great time with the Twin so clearly you made the right decision.

    But if Secret Agent Man has a shit fit anywhere near those missiles...could you give us a little heads-up? lol

  3. i feel like i've learned that lesson a million times but conveniently forget it when that *one guy* resurfaces to say he does really, truly, honestly care and that that other girl isn't important and he misses me and yadda yadda yadda... any tips for making it stick? guys are dumb.

    this twin sounds great and definitely deserves more focus than SAM. go for it! enjoy! have fun! yay for you! xx

  4. Secret Agent Man just got his Burn Notice (google it).

    I'm proud of you. Good to hear you are setting boundaries and following through on the advice you give others.

    Randy is like all growed up these days....I'm kinda teary.

  5. Awww, sorry about that happening to your plans with "the idiot". But the silver lining in all this? -Come on, you know my "Mary Poppins-self" was going to throw a silver linining at you! So the silver lining, ok, here goes, at least you were able to realize that you are once again, NOT his priority and were able to regroup and go and have an awesome time with the twin. I hope you keep going out with him. It appears like you need to bump him to "seniority" status.

  6. Good for you for setting a boundary. No women should tolerate those games and not being made a priority when plans have been made. I'm glad that things are going well with Twin and that you are taking things as they come. I think it is when we put expectations on something, especially early on, where things start going wrong. Go you for getting out there and having fun! :)

  7. Just an update. I decided I would not just be a passive-aggressive chick like I can be sometimes and I did reply to Secret Agent Man's text last night, although probably not how he expected.
    Here is what I sent: I don't do passive aggressive well so I'm going to step up and be direct. The Saturday situation was not handled well. Honestly it hurt me to be disregarded.

    Honest. Short and sweet.

    His reply? Nothing.

    Yep, you can consider that the end of Secret Agent Man. Grow a pair dude!

    @Ixy: Amen sister, Amen! I'm a little slow sometimes!
    @Insomniac: I agree, his lose right? He is much too responsible to do anything crazy and frankly I don't think he cares enough. Although knowing I have blown off a guy with as much covert training in taking out targets is slightly unsettling. I guess better to get out now huh?
    @Alyssa: Thanks love! Sorry you can relate. The boomerang guy is the worst, the one that doesn't want you enough to stay but won't go away either. He just keeps showing up when you almost get over him to fuck with your head? I know that one all to well. If I ever figure it out, I will let you know!
    @Lance: no need to google it, I am familiar with the burn notice concept and yes, I think it fits well in this situ. Don't give me too much credit yet, there is still plenty of time to make bad decisions on this.
    @Yvonne: I love your silver linings Ms. Mary!! And you are totally right, sometimes I just need to hear it from someone else.
    @Jewels: I am trying to keep expectations out of the picture with the Twin. But my mind does wander from time to time so ya know.....

  8. I hate to say it, but I feel like I'm being that guy right now. Move on until he can show you that you are a higher priority.

  9. I think that's an excellent boundary! I've got my fingers crossed for you and the Twin (and not just because I've always thought it would be super cool to date someone with an identical twin).

  10. And thus the Random Memoirs continue ...

    Dude should have called or texted though, I reckon it's so much easier than disarming a bomb with a toothpick, some hand cream and a Timex watch, but then who am I to comment?!

  11. Sounds like you should focus on that Blog Boy from way back when.

  12. @George: Don't be that guy, please don't be that guy. Be up front, tell her straight out, don't let her think it's her doing something wrong. No one likes to not be good enough.

    @Mama: thanks for the finger crossing for the Twin and I, you know I'll keep you posted!

    @Stefan: I would think texting would be easier than the bomb disarming as well. I'm pretty sure it's a "will" vs. "Skill" thing at this point. His feeble apology attempt was denied. Disarm that!

    @Blog Boy: you know you are still very near and dear to this girl's heart, just too damn far away geographically!

  13. I've struggled with that 'boundary' my entire life - I don't think I'll ever learn.

  14. Oh my God, I had a "miscommunication" on Labor Day last year, so maybe it's just not a good weekend to make plans with men.

    I'm very happy that you had a brilliant backup plan, love.


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