Saturday, September 3, 2011

"It Will Shock You How Much It Never Happened"

Yesterday, September 2nd, would have been my 11th wedding anniversary if I were still living in that alternate universe that I formerly resided in. It was just another day on the calendar this year. Instead of meeting each other at the church, me in my white dress and him rocking the tux, we met halfway between our cities and exchanged our daughter for the weekend in a gas station parking lot.

In an odd twist of timing, I had decided a month or so ago to have my wedding ring and other marriage-related jewelry re-purposed. Instead of keeping it in a safe and despising having to run across it from time to time, I had a few new items created from them. The ironic part? They were ready for me to pick up yesterday.

I had a beautiful 3 diamond ring made for my daughter, which she will be getting upon her 13th birthday. I thought it was a nice way for her to end up with something special that had come from both her mom and dad at one point.

And for myself, I had the center stone of my wedding ring made into a necklace. Something simple and solitary. Not a reminder of what once was, but a shiny new thing for whatever comes next. I'm quite pleased with my choice.

I had a few people "send their thoughts" to me yesterday, encouraging me to remember the good parts. It was unnecessary but because I know they meant well I didn't tell them to fuck off. I was feeling nice.

While catching up on my "Mad Men" series, I heard the best bit of dialogue that I thought I would share.
The scene is Don Draper talking to his secretary Peggy Olsen while she was in a mental hospital at the time.
His words of wisdom?
"Get out of here, and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

Truer words were never spoke.


  1. My mother did the same thing with her wedding rings when she and my dad divorced. I think it helped her move forward too.

  2. I hear that sista. And I think things like that every May 3rd.

    It is good to remember the good things, and for me, I think of how much better it is that he and I are happy apart, instead of being miserable together.

    Kelly @ my joy project

  3. I think that is a wonderful idea for re-purposing the wedding jewelry and a beautiful idea for your daughter!

  4. I've been debating about what to do with my wedding jewelry. Right now I have my rings held together with the hair tie that I was wearing the day that I took them off, and stuck inside a purple goblet that's still at my mother's house in my old room. I think that I would have no problem selling my ex's wedding band, which he left on my front porch in a final emotional slap, but I'm not sure that I could get rid of, or even refurbish my rings, even three years later. (Holy shit, I can't believe it's been that long.)

    That is a beautiful idea to have a ring made for your daughter, love. That will mean so much to her when she is old enough to take care of it. It was also a brilliant idea to have something new made just for yourself.~

  5. RG. One of my exes used her emerald cut diamond--hung from a 14 carat band wedding ring, as the bling in her vagi-piercing.

    I have never been able to decide precisely what symbolism is accurate to her. I have chosen to think that I have a clear understanding of what she most misses about me.

    Your choices seem much more well thought out.

  6. Moving forward is often the hardest thing to do, but almost always the best. It feels great when you finally do.

    And you were more creative than me. I just had the gold melted from my ring, took the $40, and bought a video game with it. She hated video games, so it seems like a good way to spite her at the time...

  7. Lisa I give you joy of a new beginning! Lean into the future that is you!

    I have missed you!


  8. My last comment was that you are a great mommy. Now I want to say something that is hopefully a reminder rather than news - you are special.

  9. That is one of the best scenes in the entire series. Love your blog.

  10. Great idea for your daughter's ring!

  11. So weird, I could have sworn I posted a comment on Saturday, maybe I dreamed it? lol I think what you did was a great thing! Your daughter will treasure that always. And I especially liked when you said, that she'll have something that came from her mom and dad. She's a very luck girl to have you for a mommy.

  12. The universe has a thing for you too.

  13. i love that idea for your daughter, what a wonderful gift that will make. & i'm proud of you for taking the huge step you did. you're amazing and deserve only wonderful things. also, i'm loving the new tone on your blog of late.

    and, that quote is totally awesome.

  14. You all really need to quit giving me SO much love around here, I am getting quite spoiled! Thank you for your support and related experiences. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that had a hard time deciding what to do with the things of the past.
    @Mooner: If I had had the foresight, vag bling would have been a nice option as well.. that would have gone over well with the ex!! lol
    @Kat: It is totally up to you how you keep those items, whether it's as is or whether you reinvent them. It's a tough thing to get rid of the sentiment behind the objects sometimes.
    @Wow: just stop, you are being too sweet to me,, this is twice in a row with no smart ass stuff,,, what gives???
    @Lost: If you get more enjoyment from video games then the marriage, you made the right decision!


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