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Thursday, September 22, 2011

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing?

You can't have it all really, can you? This is the question that keeps bouncing around in my head as I find myself outside of my usual shenanigan-filled mode of operation and closer to the edge of a semi-relationship. I fear I am really out of my league on this one kids.

I was having a John Mayer moment recently (don't judge, I know he is a douchebag but still) and I was loading up a playlist on Spotify and ran across his song "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" and that got me thinking on this whole concept. Blame him. His intention behind the song is more from the point of view of a love gone wrong and the aftermath but I think the question is worth thinking on even before it all blows up. Am I right??

The following lines basically sum it up:
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We can ever only  be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
There can never be an in between, so give it up

That sucks. I don't want to be just one. I want to be friends with my lover. And I want them both to be who I am in the relationship with.

But what if I can't? Historically, I am good with the friends part. I am also good with the just lovers part. It's the combining of the two and making into a relationship that is one and the same that I have failed. Is it something that can be learned? I hope so. I'm trying. That has to count for something right?

11 comments:

  1. I'm sure it can be done. My mom has always said my dad is her best friend. I think when you find the right person it's natural.

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  2. What about loving your friends' lovers? Is that cool?

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  3. I think having your lover as a friend is definitely a sign of something deeper. For me it enriches the experience. (Hugs)Indigo

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  4. My lover is my friend. It's hard to find one you mesh with, but it happens.

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  5. I think it just happens. Go with the flow and see what happens. Consciously trying to create the friend-and-lover bond kinda puts a lot of pressure and tension on things. Or maybe I'm just lazy and like for things to fall into my lap without having to work for them? :)

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  6. Profound. I agree with that up to an extent, although a lover can be a friend but a friend can not be a lover!

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  7. (I love Chintan's comment!)

    As for my own thoughts, I think it's true that your lovers are lovers and your friends are friends. By the time your lover reaches friend status, you're in a relationship-- and that goes eight miles beyond "lover." A relationship isn't built on what a "lover" implies: it's built on a deep friendship with a person that you happen to love having sex with.

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  8. I have turned a lot of great friendships with guys into relationships but I'm not sure I'd call them loves. Since I'm single you know how well those relationship switches worked out. I know it is possible...I've seen it done. I hope one day to find it for myself.

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  9. It's achievable m'dear, the trick is not to try and deliberately make it happen. If you're liking someone, and loving them, leave the brain out, stop over-thinking (if that's happening) and simply enjoy being in that semi-relationship place that will grow by default, because you are friends who probably will end up in love.

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  10. i love john mayer, and i love that song. and i think that what you're looking for is possible, but it's definitely not possible with everybody. and how you get there is different for everyone. one of the best relationships i've ever had is with someone who i always blurred the lines with. at the beginning we were just friends, and then we became just lovers, and then after a while we learned how to be both at the same time because we had to have the right timing.

    then there are the others who are friends, and trying to add the "lovers" part of it just causes a mess, while there are also lovers that you just can't be friends with. i guess it depends on who you are and who the other person is, but most importantly, i think most big relationship questions come down to timing.

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  11. I think it's essential that it's done. I've always hated how some of us guys cross into "The Friend Zone." We meet someone, maybe a friend of a friend, we hit it all perfectly, but because you see me as a best bud, we can't escalate into more. I don't get it. The worst insult to a guy is to say "I want to meet someone just like you." Uh, what's wrong with me? Just because we're friends doesn't mean we can't evolve into more. At least that's my take. I wish you the best in trying to combine the two. I think once you do, you'll wonder why it never happened sooner.

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