Friday, September 30, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Creepin' with the Wingman

It's time to get funny  again for  "Soft-Core Friday" at Random Girl. I'm a girl that likes to laugh...a lot... and this guys does it for me/to me every time.  

Let me introduce you to James Holeva aka The Wingman of the Wingman Let's Get Creepin' Comedy Tour and author of the Wingman Chronicles which will be published in 2012. He also has created and starred in his own TV pilot which is currently being shopped to networks and is sure to be a smashing success for whatever lucky one picks it up. 

I had a chat with The Wingman himself late one night recently and we had an entertaining and informative conversation. There is never a dull moment with this guy I assure you. I thought I would highlight a few of our more interesting Q&A's that came out of it. 

RG: What are the Wingman's tips for a successful relationship
WM: Don't be together unless you belong together. A lot of people are with the wrong person just to be with someone, not because they are right for each other. If it's not working and the connection is not there, end it and move on to the next mark.

RG: How do you keep a relationship hot?
WM: You have to enjoy sex with each other. You have to be genuinely attracted to who you are with, not imaging someone else while you are fucking. And try to get your significant other to have a threesome because, really, why wouldn't you?  Never take the "settle down" approach, the party should just be starting when you are in a relationship. It should be like a big celebrity after-party that no one ever wants to leave.

RG: What is one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they meet someone new?
WM: People try to get in a relationship wherever they are. They want the white wedding and the house with the picket fence and unicorns and rainbows. It's not like that.

RG: As a professional Wingman, how far  will you go to make sure a client will get laid?
WM:  Nothing gay and nobody sticks anything up my ass. My ass is off limits. Anything else is pretty much game on. Ugly chicks, fat chicks, it's really no big deal, I'm still going to be thinking about the same!

If you want to get creepin' with the Wingman, here's how:

Or better yet, GO SEE HIM in NYC 

Come out for comedy that gets you laid with "THE WINGMAN" JAMES HOLEVA! The uncouth and interactive one-man show will have New York City previews Friday, October 7th, Saturday, October 8th, and Thursday, October13th at THE BROADWAY COMEDY CLUB. Showtimes are 10 p.m. TICKETS on-sale right here... Just $15 in advance, $20 at the door.




Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Relationship Math: Working on a Points System

Here's my theory: every romantic relationship works on a complex points system whereas good deeds = positive points and annoying things = negative points.

True or False?

I say true.

Whether you admit it or not, male or female, you have a super secret tally sheet in your head where you keep track of hash marks in the column for "things he/she does right and/or that make me feel good" and a column for "things he/she does wrong or that pisses me off".

I do. Only it's not super-secret. I put it right out there verbally, usually in a joking manner as situations present themselves, but I put it out there none the less. No shame in my game. I don't think there is any point trying to pretend that I don't have some sort of system of keeping track of my overall satisfaction or concern with a relationship at any given point of time. And I always have ample evidence and specific examples of why I am giving credit or deducting a point.

And he does too. And I know it. And we can reference it and have a good laugh over "scoring points" or "getting demerits" in a humorous way while still knowing that what we do and how we act towards each other is important and that it does matter.

It's not about holding a grudge or trying to impress one another, it's about keeping each other accountable for being considerate and thoughtful, working hard at making each other happy, and keeping a sense of play and humor to the ups and downs that naturally occur when you are trying to do life with someone on a fairly regular basis.

Do you have a system of "keeping score"? Is it super secret or widely acknowledged in your relationship?

Credit needs to go to my buddy Brandon at Lost In Idaho for putting this post idea in my head. He left a great comment on my Next Level post and brought up the points system... you can blame thank him for this one!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Taking it to the Next Level

Well kids, Fall is definitely here. Almost overnight, the trees here have all started to change, the chill is in the air, and I can make a case to drink hot chocolate almost every day now. Factor all of that in with the fact that it's sweater and cute boots season and there is football on almost all the time and those things on their own would make me a very happy girl.

But wait, there's more! In addition to reveling in the midst of my favorite season, I am also enjoying reveling in my situation with Twin. There, I said it. I'm happy with one person. I'll give you a second to get over the shock.

And apparently that happiness is making me a little on the boring side for some of my long-time followers as I have been told and the shenanigans aren't nearly as frequent or scandalous as they were a little while back. There are plenty of shenanigans and bedroom exploits going on still I assure you! I'm just not sure how much of that stuff I'm going to be sharing in this particular situation yet.

This weekend, we took our undefined situation to the next level.... I babysat his puppy while he went out of town to watch his team play on Sunday.  Now that might not seem like a big deal in comparison to introducing a new person to your child or family but to him, it was a big step in the "I trust you" department. And all went swimmingly, aside from the fact that puppy barked pretty much the entire night Sunday. He's a puppy, they do that.

He came over yesterday to pick up puppy and properly thank me for taking good care of his baby while he went off to play. Thanks to us both having a fair amount of flexibility in our work situations, we were able to work together from home for the majority of the day. And we both actually worked, that's not code for anything, pervs! We went for lunch and  had a nice extended play break in the afternoon, other than that, we were all business, I promise!

Last night, he sent me some pretty affirming texts, recognizing my hard work as a mom to the princess (who really likes him and his puppy btw)and realizing how hard I work at my profession and in my other pursuits. It was nice of him to recognize those things as they are important to me and are what I use to really gauge my value and worth overall as a person: How am I as mother and am I doing my best to be successful.

I needed that. The dude is quality, I'm telling you!

Between the game nights with friends, spending weekends together, working from home together on a few days, and having plans well through upcoming months, it seems that this thing might just be legit. And I'm not freaking out yet, I'm enjoying it. And I'm kind of looking forward to spending my favorite season with the Twin (and puppy too of course).

Friday, September 23, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Truth, Honesty, Love, & Acceptance

This "Soft-Core Friday" is going to be a little bit different than my normal humorous take on my Friday postings so I hope you all don't mind and will ride along with me. I have a point, I promise.

As most of my fellow American's know, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) act has officially ended. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, basically it was a policy that didn't ban gays and lesbians from serving in the military as long as they didn't admit they were gay or lesbian. Yeah, let that sink in for a minute. Basically you were allowed to fight for other's freedoms as long as you chose to deny your own sense of self to do so. Thanks for that.

This was a big move to do away with DADT. Whereas in the past, if you were found to be gay while serving, that was a violation of military code and you could essentially be discharged for it, losing your career and benefits for no other reason than for what gender you found yourself attracted to.

Ending DADT is not without controversy. There are strong arguments for both sides of upholding and doing away with it but now the decision has been made and there is new set of policies surrounding gays serving in the military and their rights. I personally think it is long overdue and a good decision but I respect those who disagree with my opinion.

Politics and opinions aside, it brings me to my point today. Finding the courage to be truthful about who you are, honestly telling those you love about that truth, and being accepted unconditionally is a beautiful thing.

This video shows one active duty military member struggling to find the courage to come out to his dad shortly after DADT ended this week. You can see the anguish and uncertainty he is fighting against as he dials the phone and begins that conversation. And you can also see the flood of relief as his father offers his unwavering love and support, no matter what.

This is what it's about kids. Being allowed to be truthful, and finding love and acceptance within that truth. It's not  about gay or straight or right or wrong or any of those arguments, it's about being loved for being who you are.

It's a little long and pretty heart-wrenching to watch but it's something worth seeing.  Here's to hoping we all can find our truth, be accepted regardless, and be loved through it.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Friends, Lovers, or Nothing?

You can't have it all really, can you? This is the question that keeps bouncing around in my head as I find myself outside of my usual shenanigan-filled mode of operation and closer to the edge of a semi-relationship. I fear I am really out of my league on this one kids.

I was having a John Mayer moment recently (don't judge, I know he is a douchebag but still) and I was loading up a playlist on Spotify and ran across his song "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" and that got me thinking on this whole concept. Blame him. His intention behind the song is more from the point of view of a love gone wrong and the aftermath but I think the question is worth thinking on even before it all blows up. Am I right??

The following lines basically sum it up:
Friends, lovers, or nothing
We can ever only  be one
Friends, lovers, or nothing
There can never be an in between, so give it up

That sucks. I don't want to be just one. I want to be friends with my lover. And I want them both to be who I am in the relationship with.

But what if I can't? Historically, I am good with the friends part. I am also good with the just lovers part. It's the combining of the two and making into a relationship that is one and the same that I have failed. Is it something that can be learned? I hope so. I'm trying. That has to count for something right?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Chick Dating Talk - New Random Girl at The Dude Society

I know I know, it's been a minute but the boys at The Dude Society are letting me help the menfolk out again.

Today I'm giving a little handy advice when trying to decipher what your new girl may mean vs. what she might be saying to you.

I'm not saying that *I* have ever said one of these things and meant something else, but I have this friend.....

Anyways, go check it out and show me a little comment love over there if you don't mind.

Chick Dating Talk: Read Between The Lines

When you’ve just started dating someone it can be real easy to get mislead. You’re so enamored with this girl that your usual sense of logic disappears, or you’re “Booty Blinded” as it’s often called.
You really don’t know or trust this chick, yet you take everything she says at face value. You may be setting yourself up to be played.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I'm a shameless bragger today, because someone digs me!

Today I'm checking another day of shamelessness off my list, #18 to be exact: I'm going to be a bragger.

Somebody digs my blog. But not just anybody, it's the amazing and talented Alyssa from Alyssagoesbang. And she is awesome! She was one of my girl crushes remember??

Alyssa was sweet enough to show me some blog lovin'. She digs my blog. See? There is even this handy dandy award to prove it!

Now as with any good blog award, there are rules. I am going to do something unexpected and actually follow almost all of them this time. But don't get used to it, you know how much I hate rules.
1. gratefully accept this award
2. link the wonderful person you received it from
3. post 3 interesting facts about yourself
4. pass this award around to at least 5 blogs you dig
5. notify them

1 and 2 are covered with my lovefest for my darling Alyssa above.

As for 3, you already pretty much know everything about me but here are 3 more things that make me random
1) I used to DJ in a huge nightclub. Back in the day, using real deal vinyl, and manually mixing, no computer cheating for me! 
2) I have two tattoos but you would never know unless I purposely showed them to you, which I won't so don't ask
3) I got kicked out of my Senior English class because I called my teacher out for gossiping about me. She did. And she admitted later when she cried in front of the principal. I got put back in class and I got an A. I win. 

Now for the fun part! I get to share my blog lovin' with 5 other super cool people! 
1) the recently BON'd Kat from Kat O' Nine Tales
2) the amazing Stefan from Kreative Anythingz 
3) the kick ass Lady Estrogen from Adventures In Estrogen
4) the hilarious Brandon for Adventures in Idaho 
5) the every classy Johnnie from GentlemanREDUX

Ok I'm off to cover #5 now. Go check out the blogs I'm loving on and tell them I sent you! *Mwah*! 

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Twin and our first annual D.I.B. (Day in Bed)

This weekend was a big one for the Twin and I. It was our first annual D.I.B or Day in Bed.

It was just what it sounds like. The DIB came about from a conversation we had a few weeks ago about how we spend our weekends. He claims that having a spectacular, well planned, DIB was on his bucket list. I didn't make him prove that by showing the actual bucket list, but I think it may have just been an excuse to get some extended time with me. Either way, I'm in.

Although having a day in bed sounds fairly simple, there was quite a bit of planning from both sides that went into. There was the brunch menu to consider, shopping to be done, and of course, new comfy PJ's were required. Whether or not they stayed on long is none of your business...pervs!  We pre-gamed our DIB with a night out at a comedy club and drinks afterwards. Then it was off to his place to officially begin the DIB festivities.

This is the most time that Twin and I have spent together and it was one of the best 24 hours I have had. And I'm not just saying that because the sex is spectacular, although it very much is. For me, it was so nice and very much appreciated to see the amount of effort and planning he put into making everything perfect for me. I haven't had someone do such nice, thoughtful things for me in a very long time, I almost didn't know how to act. But I truly appreciate it and could get used to being spoiled like that pretty quickly!

I would mark the first annual Randy/Twin DIB a complete and resounding success. Plans are underway for the follow up event.  We still aren't declaring ourselves anything as far as defining our situation and I am perfectly fine with that. I'm just really happy to be where I'm at right now and to have him along for the adventure.

Oh and as a follow up on the Princess/Twin dinner last week, it was a complete success. Very comfortable all around and a lot of fun. He also got to meet my bestie and her daughter and we all had a little impromptu hang out. He got the stamp of approval all the way around. As did his puppy. So far, so good!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Nothing Wrong With a Little Girl Crush'ing

Another Friday is upon us, which also means it's time for another "Soft-Core Friday" here at Random Girl. This week I'm talking about girl crushes.

Make no mistake, I am hetero beyond any doubt. I think men are sexy and they are the only gender that up to this point in my life, have done it for me. I don't see that changing any time soon. But I will be the first to admit that I can appreciate a sexy girl.

I find myself girl crushing frequently. There is a bartender at a little local place that I go that by normal standards she is pretty but not beautiful, but I crush on her and she knows it. She is a little shorter than me, brunette, and wears these cute little black rimmed glasses that give her that slutty librarian touch. We joke about it when I see her. It's harmless yet fun and gives me something to think about that normally doesn't cross my mind.

And then there are the random, spontaneous girl crushes. Like this girl. She was a dancer at a club in Vegas and I was wowed by her. She was yet another brunette, with a very pretty face and an amazing ass, oh yeah, she was very sweet and could move like nobody's business. So sexy... yet I have no desire to actually do anything besides look at her. Maybe that's normal, maybe it's not. I'm not concerned about it either way.

I also girl crush on smart girls, girls with a great sense of humor or perspective on the world, and girls that write their asses off, like my sweet Kat  (with the world famous spectacular rack that I am convinced is responsible for getting her BON'd by Blogger this week) and the amazing Alyssa (who rocks a bikini better than anybody ever should and has beautiful ink to go with it). These girls have all of those things going for them and I have proclaimed my girl crushes on them numerous times over the interwebz. Big Randy kisses to you ladies! *MWAH*

So there you have it, I girl crush. Big deal. It's good clean fun and it keeps my imagination sparked. I can't be the only one... ladies?? Help me out here! Do you girl crush? Do you have a girl "type" that does it for you hypothetically? Put it out there!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Twin meets the Princess, and an Uncool movie...totally not related

First of all I want to say thanks for your well wishes and prayers for my cousin that was in the car accident on Friday. She was doing better than expected but has had a setback from a pain perspective so keep the positive vibes coming! 

Tonight, I am cooking dinner for the Twin and the princess. This is their first meeting. I am a little nervous. No one gets to meet the princess normally so this is a big deal for me. He invited us out for dinner but I offered to host here so the princess could go play or do her thing and not feel like it was an "official" thing. Plus if she looses her mind, I can banish her to her tower (room) to go play and let the adults talk. 

I made homemade lasagna and an epic NY style cheesecake. Yes, I cook too... I know, my marketable skills just don't stop right?? Oh, and I have wine, lots of wine, in case it goes badly. 

I'll update you all on how things shake out. Good, bad, or ugly, you will hear it all. I know, you won't be able to sleep tonight wondering right? 

Since I have fallen off of the 30 Days of Shamelessness wagon lately I'm going to throw in one today: declare your love for an uncool movie
This movie, although a complete mystery to me why, never really caught on mainstream but I can pretty much relay it word for word and song for song. I'm really more in love with the soundtrack, good ol' Seattle grunge at it's finest and the fact that Eddie Vedder and the rest of the Pearl Jam crew make a cameo, makes me love it all the more. 
So, enjoy my uncool movie pick: Singles
If you haven't seen it, you should. It's Random Girl endorsed so you know it's awesome. It has Matt Dillon, Bridgette Fonda, Keira Sedgewick, and Paul Rudd just to name a few. 

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Assumptions, Accusations, & Accidents (and then a little something funny)

Friday was not my day, and as I type this, it's not over yet so who knows what is yet to come.

I'm not usually one to whine or vent too much (well...ok so I do sometimes but usually over stupid boys stuff and this is not that so deal with it). I usually avoid drama at all costs. Like I will physically turn and walk out of a drama filled situation as opposed to participating in it. I don't incite riots. I don't insult people. I think I'm a pretty decent person.

I guess some people think things to the contrary. I'm not going to go into details because that's not what this is about. It's about me getting my feelings hurt simply because someone has chosen to make assumptions about my character and my intentions that are completely unfounded and untrue.

It sucks. But I am smart enough to know that you can't change someone's mind when it is closed so I will let it be.

Shortly after dealing with that craziness, I find out that my beautiful, sweet high school freshman cousin has been in a horrible car accident on her way to school. She was taken first to the small local hospital that my sister works at. My sister didn't know who had been in the accident until she saw her brought into the ER. It was shocking to her to see it was our cousin to say the least. There we two other girls in the car as well who were both injured, but she was the most critical.

She was stabilized at that hospital and then life-flighted to a larger hospital here in the city for surgery. The injuries are extensive and critical. At this point, nothing is definite. We welcome your prayers.

You know that problem I was complaining about before? What problem? That matters nothing in comparison to this. Perspective literally slapped me in the face with this one. Bullshit will come and go, but family... that is important and that is forever. Hug your loved ones tight.

And just because I need something stupid and funny to distract me, I am including a video that if nothing else, could make me smile from the sheer stupidity of it.  Batmanning anyone??

Friday, September 9, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - Fighting Robots are SO hot!

Happy "Soft-Core Friday"...and on a short work week no less, at least for my U.S. friends.

As I was reveling in the love that was the NFL season opener (Green Bay vs. New Orleans in case you missed it) I was stopped dead in my tracks as a trailer for the most epic movie ever was unveiled. Or maybe it's been out for a while, I don't know, I only watch TV when football is on this time of year. Regardless, I was stunned.

It is a movie called "Real Steel" and from all accounts, looks to me a movie version of the game Rock Em Sock know, the game with the plastic robot figures that box each other until one of their heads pops off? Yep, that's the one. I am attaching a video of the original toys. And then I am attaching the trailer for your viewing pleasure, you be the judge.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Do you have to sacrifice lust to have love?

I had some really interesting conversations with several people today. It really fucked with my productivity but it was good for my mind and for my heart so I consider it a day of "personal development" as I'm sure somehow I have become a better functioning part of the corporate machine somehow because of it.

I can spin things pretty well huh??  Plus I still kicked ass on the project calls I had to lead so really no one that would care is any the wiser. I need a cape because I am a multi-tasking superhero!

One of the more interesting conversations I had today was with my buddy @dillonheins and really got me thinking on this particular question: How does someone that thrives on lust let themselves fall in love? And, almost as important, can they stay faithful to someone that is OK sexually but they don't lust after them necessarily?

Without even realizing it, this was one of the questions that I had been pondering for some time in the back of my mind. I just needed someone else to ask it to make it click for me. A question that has made me hesitant to pursue an exclusive, monogamous relationship. Would the security of a relationship fulfill me as much as a thrill of great sex? Up to this point I have been doubtful, but after the "summer of dialing it back" I am reconsidering my position on the topic.

One of the things that I, and apparently other people wired very much like me, are worried about is that once we find ourselves in a relationship with someone who we could potentially love, how do we satisfy the part of us that needs to be wanted, pursued, and lusted after by (potentially) many as opposed to just being loved by a single person?

There is something to be said for being able to have what you want when you want it and not have to worry about normalcy and monotony setting in. Being able to see someone that you want, pursue them, and have them up against the wall in a dimly lit hallway by the end of the night, then walking away without any guilt or obligation. You can be selfish and impulsive, and that can be fun.

There is also something to be said for the security of having someone that loves you unconditionally, wakes up beside you and wants you, bedhead and morning breath and all. Knowing that someone has your back after a bad day, can make the most mundane things enjoyable, and will be there for you when your dog dies. Familiarity and trust can make for great sex, I know this first hand, but you can't just make them leave afterwards and you are always obligated to see them again.

It can be a scary thing for someone to "give up" the freedom of endless possibilities and variety and lieu of security and love, especially when that person has grown accustomed to indulging in lust as opposed to existing in love. To a person like that (like me), those two scenarios seem like polar opposites.

How do I know that I could do the "love" thing, and not miss the "lust" thing? Or worse yet, how do I know that I won't really want the love thing and screw it up by falling back into the pursuit of lust?

As you have figured out, I have way more questions than I have answers and I don't see that changing any time soon. Just thought I would put it out there for your words of wisdom (or warning). And no, this isn't something I need to figure out today or anything... I'm just thinking out loud here for future reference.

Monday, September 5, 2011

That's not how I planned it, but it's better....oh and some more shamelessness

The long weekend is winding down and I'm anxiously awaiting the text that tells me I can start the road trip to go pick my princess up. Time to get my heart back! Long weekends are awesome for her because she gets more time with her dad, but hard for me because I have to find ways to entertain myself and that sometimes works out... and sometimes doesn't. 

The plan for part of this weekend was to take a little trip down to Secret Agent Man's place on Saturday night after he flew home from being out of town for several weeks. We had been planning it for almost a week, sometimes in great detail, so I was pretty excited about the prospect of a little quality time with him. I was cautiously optimistic that it might actually work out but like I had expressed to several friends, I was going more with "won't" as opposed to "will" if I were honest with myself. 

In the meantime, I had date #2 with The Twin (named such because he does indeed have an identical twin). We had gone out last weekend on our first date. It was probably the best first date I had ever been on, probably because I had no expectations and really was kind of just doing it as a way to kill time until Secret Agent Man was home. 

He was a perfect gentleman despite us having obvious chemistry. He asked me out again for Friday and I accepted. We again had a great date, easy conversation the whole time, and I was even deemed puppy-worthy so I got to meet his baby boy. It was a late night, but again, we were fairly well-behaved as I had the intention of saving the real shenanigans for Secret Agent Man on Saturday night. He has seniority and all..... 

So Saturday afternoon comes and there has been no communication from Secret Agent Man. I'm not going to play that game so I text him that I assume our plans are not happening. He pulls the "miscommunication" line on me, or attempts to, and I promptly shut it down. He and I both know that there was no miscommunication, only him being a dick and me not being a priority yet again. I am not surprised. Luckily, I was planning on just such a circumstance and had plan B and plan C on deck and didn't miss a beat. I had a great night despite his dropping the ball. 

That is when I decided to make this little incident serve a purpose. It is standing as #22 on the 30 Days of Shamelessness: set a boundary

Thanks to his total disregard for our plans, I have set a new boundary. I will refuse to invest any effort in someone who invests nothing in me.  So maybe I should thank him for the lesson learned. 

Sunday night was spent with The Twin and his lifelong best friends and their wives. It was a great night. We had a cookout and a bonfire. And a lot of wine. It was a comfortable fit, both in terms of he and I, and us with his friends. I stayed the night with him and despite my not being able to sleep well at all, it was a good decision.  that's what naps are for right?? There might be some potential there but I'm just going to see how it works out.  

Secret Agent Man texted me today like Saturday's situation never even happened. Seriously? I hope he is not surprised when he doesn't hear back from me. The dude can launch nuclear missiles, he surely must be smart enough to know that I'm not OK with him. If not, we should probably all be a little afraid... 

Saturday, September 3, 2011

"It Will Shock You How Much It Never Happened"

Yesterday, September 2nd, would have been my 11th wedding anniversary if I were still living in that alternate universe that I formerly resided in. It was just another day on the calendar this year. Instead of meeting each other at the church, me in my white dress and him rocking the tux, we met halfway between our cities and exchanged our daughter for the weekend in a gas station parking lot.

In an odd twist of timing, I had decided a month or so ago to have my wedding ring and other marriage-related jewelry re-purposed. Instead of keeping it in a safe and despising having to run across it from time to time, I had a few new items created from them. The ironic part? They were ready for me to pick up yesterday.

I had a beautiful 3 diamond ring made for my daughter, which she will be getting upon her 13th birthday. I thought it was a nice way for her to end up with something special that had come from both her mom and dad at one point.

And for myself, I had the center stone of my wedding ring made into a necklace. Something simple and solitary. Not a reminder of what once was, but a shiny new thing for whatever comes next. I'm quite pleased with my choice.

I had a few people "send their thoughts" to me yesterday, encouraging me to remember the good parts. It was unnecessary but because I know they meant well I didn't tell them to fuck off. I was feeling nice.

While catching up on my "Mad Men" series, I heard the best bit of dialogue that I thought I would share.
The scene is Don Draper talking to his secretary Peggy Olsen while she was in a mental hospital at the time.
His words of wisdom?
"Get out of here, and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened."

Truer words were never spoke.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

"Soft-Core Friday" - The season of love...and tight white pants

It is my season of love, football season. Oh and Fall. Between the two of these factors, I'm a very happy girl.
This "Soft-Core Friday" is dedicated to my men in tight white pants.... my Indianapolis Colts and The Ohio State University. As I type this, I'm watching my boy, Pierre Garcon, talking and I'm smiling just seeing his hot face on my TV screen again. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

I know when it comes to football, everyone has their team and I would never try to sway anyone to mine. But the Colts are a good team. They do good things for a lot of people off the field and that counts to me as much as how they play. Plus I look good in blue so any excuse to sport my cute blue girl jersey, I'm all about it. I am a girl after all.

And as for The Ohio State University...well... they have had some bumps in the road lately. But, I dare you to watch this video and not be completely pumped for their season. I get chills every time I watch it.  You know what I will be doing most Saturdays from now until basically the snow stops falling. 

And since this is "Soft-Core Friday" and all, you should know that while some people take half-time to order pizza or make a beer run, I like to use my half-time at home for a little mid-game lovin'....what can I say, football gets me hot! I can't be expected to wait until it's over can I? 

I'm going to go ahead and say that this satisfies #6 on my 30 Days of Shamelessness adventure: act “girly” or “manly” in a way you’d normally avoid. Most girls don't crush on football quite as hard as I do. 

For the boys, I offer you the Colts Cheerleaders for a little eye candy. You are welcome. You can order the Cheerleader calendar here if you care to do so... just to keep track of the days and all... 

On a more serious note, I just want to take a minute to say "thank you" for the amazing support you all gave me on yesterday's 30 Days of Shamelessness post. It sucked to write it but I so appreciate you giving the me the space to put it out there.   As Forrest Gump said, "that's all I have to say about that." 

Taking it Deep - 30 Days of Shamelessness gets real

Today I'm taking it deep at Random Girl. This is for several reasons. First of all, if everything was always silly and full of shenanigans, I would be Predictable Girl, not Random Girl.. Secondly, if I am really going to embrace the 30 Days of Shamelessness concept, I need to be real about the few things on the list that could give me an opportunity to grow and move past some shit.  Consider this your warning and feel free to bail out now if you don't want to come along for the ride.  

I'm knocking out two of the heavy hitters with this post because they are kind of  related, at least in my mind, and I don't want to have to write about this kind of stuff again any time soon. I kind of hate this, which means I probably really need to do it. So here goes.... 

Consider this me coming clean on the following days worth of shamelessness:
9. expose something messy or dirty you’d usually hide.
24. share a struggle you have yet to “just get over.”

I'm going to expose something that is messy that I would usually hide. It's also a struggle I have yet to "just get over".  Yes, I am dramatic like that sometimes.  Here's my story.

Sometimes one thing leads to another that leads to another and before you know it you are somewhere you didn't think you would be doing something you wouldn't think you would do and you aren't quite sure why. Ever been there? 

There was a period of time for me, like between the ages of 5-7 years old, when something that shouldn't have happened to me, did. I didn't know it at the time but after growing older and learning more about such things, I can clearly say that it was wrong and it was not my fault.  That's the advantage and the curse of having perspective. 

At the time, it was all presented like a game, like something that should be fun, was innocent, and I should even enjoy. And because the person that did it was close to the family and not a whole lot older than me, it was all ignored by the adults that should have intervened. It was written off as insignificant. It was not. But not knowing the full extent of what was going on or the impact that it would have on me as I grew older and developed my self-image, I simply pushed it back from my mind and went on about my business. 

My family moved and it became a non issue although I still would see this person from time to time. I just smiled politely and tried to avoid him. I didn't want to think about it and I certainly didn't want to talk about it. Once, when we were older, I think I was like 16 at the time, we ended up alone for a moment and he brought it up. I think he was attempting to apologize but I couldn't think about it or talk about it so I cut him off mid-sentence and I left. Ignore it and it will go away right?? 

But it didn't go away. It never had. It was always in the back of mind in two ways. 1) I was never really sure what to think about what had happened. I didn't think that he had hurt me but I also knew that something was very off with the situation because every time I thought about it, I wanted to get sick to my stomach which tells me that at the core, it was bad. 2) I lost respect for my body and didn't think it was worth honoring and protecting any longer because the damage had already been done. 

The second part was something I didn't figure out until much later, after I had abused my body in a number of ways including hiding behind being a "fat kid" in elementary school, stashing diet pills and adopting the "scarf and barf" lifestyle in high school, and offering myself up to most any guy that showed me attention to try to prove I was  "in control" of the situation. I clearly was not in control of anything in those situations. 

I lost the perception of myself, my body, and my worth. I felt like it wasn't mine to have since it was already taken over once.  How could it be important if someone else was allowed to do things to me and no one who could have stopped it did? What did that say about how important I was or how much value I had? 

I know now how flawed that thinking was and how it wasn't my fault. I don't blame my parents or other adults that could have or should have known because I don' t think it was intentionally ignored. I know how strong denial can be and how you can talk yourself into believing that "nothing happened" if realizing that the opposite is too painful to admit and if taking action would destroy other people. 

Why am I talking about this now? Why am I using space to drag you all into this not-so-happy place that was hidden for so long? Because I need to for myself. I don't have the luxury of denying and ignoring any longer because now I have a daughter. A daughter that is the same age as I was when this started happening to me. I have to be honest about what can happen and I won't risk letting the same things happen to my daughter that happened to me and pretend it can't or won't happen to her. 

I can't change anything that happened to me but I can change how I deal with it and I can use that experience to be extra aware and vigilant in protecting her. That's my responsibility and that's the lesson I have learned. 

I'm also using this for my response to the Studio 30 Plus weekly prompt: The End
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