Monday, July 18, 2011

Quicksand - Indie Ink Challenge

It's Indie Ink challenge time again! It's starting to be my favorite part of my week!

This week my challenge came from Runaway Sentence.
My challenge went to Christina and will be posted here when complete. Make sure you check out both of these great writers!

My challenge prompt this week: Quicksand

Kissing him is like stepping in quicksand
I instantly start sinking
The harder I try to pull away, the further in I go

The only way to save myself
Is to stop struggling, he says
The smile on his face says much more

It is a satisfied grin
Like he knows a secret I am yet to learn
He is looking forward to me finding out

I am lost under the weight of his body
Our skin, once uncomfortably stuck to each other
Now sweat-slick from the heat, slides effortlessly

Shhhh….. he whispers in my ear
His breath hot on my neck
As he pulls my head back with a jerk, his fingers tangle hard in my hair

The only way to save myself
Is to stop struggling
But I am sinking deeper, giving in to him

I relax into him
Trying to stop the descent
I am trapped, and am being pushed down further

He is the only thing holding me up
He could let go at any moment
Stand back and just watch me sink

But he is not letting go
He is holding me tighter
Going in deeper, taking it further than before
We are sinking together

So this is what it’s like to be completely taken over
I’m sinking faster now, into what I don’t know
But he is coming with me
We are going together

A force stronger than gravity
Holds him to me, holds me down
Impossible now to escape

This song "Gravity" seems to fit the sentiment of quicksand pretty well... Plus it's a beautiful song.


  1. fav part:
    "The only way to save myself
    Is to stop struggling, he says
    The smile on his face says much more"

    like a male Ava....we all have them

    good job

  2. I love the way the words are making me think different things simultaneously.

    There's great writing, there's brilliant writing - this is, HOT writing and I can't get enough of it!

  3. This really isn't doing anything to lessen my E-crush on you.

  4. I so love when you write poetry, darling. You have such a way of portraying such strong emotions with only a few words and a sharp turn of phrase.


  5. Beautiful - as Stefan says, two things going on at once. Layers of meaning, just like life.

  6. You really like the hair pulling, don't you?

  7. My mood has had me listening to the Gravity song for quite some time. And I can only echo what Stefan has said - good writing, hot writing, and moving.

  8. Ah yes... the hormones, the destiny! Which one trumps which? Lovely poem.

  9. Love the song love the poem love life it is good all good I am dancing around like a fool at the moment.......

  10. RG,

    Great piece! I was caught between my desire to watch and my instinct to turn away; as if avoidance would leave me an innocent.

  11. Love the several lines singing in harmony in this poetry. Beautiful!

  12. I second Kat's applause! Amazing poem. Way to capture the feeling and bring us along with you. I scrolled down, started the song and then read...and it made it so much more powerful. Wonderfully done.

  13. @Lance: yes, it's the male version of your Ava, just as dangerous and always with an agenda. You always get it!

    @Stefan: Hot writing... that is quite the compliment, especially coming from you, thank you!

    @Hero: E-crush away darling, it's good to have it reciprocated!

    @my sweet Kat: Thanks so much love! Your piece for II this week is AMAZING! So glad you are playing now!

    @Cedar: Thank you so much for the compliment and for visiting at Random Girl, hope to see you back!

    @Wow: yes, indeed I do. A well-timed hair pull is near the top of my "favorite things" list..mmmm...yeah...

    @K: I have done my share of repeating that song recently, it's just one that hits me and I love it in the context of this piece

    @Amy: with me? hormones usually win out, destiny is way too hit or miss!

    @Jo-Anne: wow, sounds like you are having an awesome day!

    @Billy: you can turn away but it still happens, there are no innocents here at Random Girl! You might as well enjoy the show!

    @Shiva: What a beautiful compliment, thank you!

    @Jewels: Thank you so much love, glad you put the song on first, it kind of guides the reading almost. Thanks for reading!

  14. Gread job! I loved this! It also made me thing of several "scenarios" at once! I couldn't decide which one I wanted to let myself fall into!

  15. this poem simultaneously made me sad and made my nipples hard.

  16. I love your imaginative take on the prompt. I enjoyed the poem, it's beautifully written.

  17. Yvonne: that's half the fun isn't it? deciding which way to fall?

    @Kage: Hmm, interesting reaction, hoping you got over the sadness and could focus on the more pleasant sensation?

    @Drama: thanks for the comment

  18. This is prefect as a free-form poem. Erotic, angry and intriguing all at the same time.

  19. AI loved the movement of these words, the ebb and flow of the emotion. Another great piece!

  20. @Tara: thank you for the compliment on the poetry, I never know how it will look when I start and wasn't thrilled with the format this took but it just ended up this way. Glad it worked for you!

    @Karla: Wow, thanks for the kind words and for continuing to read what I throw out there for II.

  21. lovely!
    keep it up +followed!

  22. Just like everyone else, I am totally in love with this! There's so many images and words that come up in my mind as I read this!

  23. @Magixx: Thanks for the follow and the comment, much appreciated!

    @Steff: In love? That is quite the compliment on this piece, thank you so much!

  24. Yum. Love everything she's feeling in this! I wanna feel it too! Great interpretation of Quicksand.

  25. The imagery is almost there. This is a good draft, but putting prose into short paragraphs does not turn it into a poem. I hate to be the only person saying this sort of thing to you, but you are talented and I don't want to just pat you on the head and move along.

    You have the bones of a very sharp poem here! Now polish it until it can be used as a weapon.

  26. Short, powerful bursts of words!

  27. @Lazidaisical: It's a twisted feeling, wrong but right at the same time. Been there too many times!

    @Grace: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I so appreciate your constructive feedback and I really want to improve in my writing and formatting so I need to hear honest input like you provided. I hope you will continue to read my II posts and comment as well.

    @Jason: Thanks for the feedback and for continuing to read my II submissions. Much appreciated!


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