Friday, April 1, 2011

Soft-Core Friday - Well, this is really more hard than soft, No April Foolin' here


Welcome to "Soft-Core Friday" at Random Girl. I know how you kids look forward to this every week.
I must warn you though, this week is more hard than soft, hard to understand that is. Or maybe it's just me.

I at some point started following @SexToysRock on Twitter. Not surprising for those of you who follow me I know. So when I saw a sex toy tweet about my homestate girl, Bree Olson, (yes, the Charlie Sheen Goddess) I decided to click on it and see what was going on. That led me down the rabbit hole, or something like that. Next thing I know, I am seeing all sorts of sex toys that I never would have thought to think about before. One in particular caught my attention. Prepare yourselves kids, this one mystified even me. I don't even know where to begin on this.

Let's start with a picture shall we?

Are you still with me? Right. If so than you are either A) confused and slightly appalled as I was or B) turned on. I am going to be talking to the "A" crowd first. All I can say is WTF?  But wait, it gets better. Did I mention that this....thing... can be yours for the low low price of $250.33 on At least there were no used ones listed because really? Eww...just ewww ok?

So if the picture is not enough for you to form an opinion from, let's take a gander at the product description shall we? Now keep in mind, this is the manufacturer's words, not mine. You can't blame this one me.

  Product Description

This mega masturbator is the most realistic piece of ass you ever fucked--and with over 20 lbs. of soft, fanta-flesh engulfing and massaging your cock, this plush piece of pussy feels better than the real thing! slap that big round ass and listen to the whack-- it sounds and feels just like a real ass! spread her cheeks, ram her tight little asshole, and fill her with every inch of your man meat! now, flip the slut over on her back and her perfect pink pussy lips are spread eagle and begging for your dick! she's warm, she's tight, and she never says no! when you're done, blow a load deep inside her or cum all over her back and pussy-- cleanup is a snap either way with pipedream toy cleaner and warm water. best of all, she tucks away under the bed or in the closet for easy storage after the fun. no commitments, no bullshit, and no worries about knocking her up. it's an all access, any time-any place piece of pussy and ass made just for your cock!
Congratulations, something has finally found the ability to utter me nearly speechless. That is no easy feat but really, what else can I say about this? Your thoughts? 


  1. The fleshlight is much more discreet, and doesn't it basically do the same thing? Guys, if your woman is that much of a prude where you can't smack her ass or cum all over her, then find a new woman.

    Or, if you just can't get anyone, this may just be the thing for you. But if you sleep with it in your bed and spoon it, I'm outta here...

  2. I agree with Lost, I would rather have the flesh light.

  3. My thoughts are, as ever,




    Not that I need one (We have met, haven't we?), just that I demand equality in twisted sex toys (among other things).

    - B x

  4. LMFAO, I've seen these and even the full bodied ones for about 500 or so, but who is going to carry that shit around? I agree with the top ones up here and the fleshlight is a much better choice. I mean, having to go and clean this big toy up, not only outside but in and then pack her up and all that foolishness? Meh, I have enough with my own palmed slapper. But the description is funny as hell.

  5. I suppose this is better than screwing farm animals. It kind of reminds me of something that would get a serial killer off, with the whole "torso only" look. No face? No arms? For Christ sakes, how will you use handcuffs?? Sigh.

    I have also seen the full body variety, and I can't decide if it is weirder to get one you treat like your girlfriend, or seriously just buy tits and ass (literally) - the compressed version?

  6. fleshlight would be better. It looks a bit like a less proportioned venus di milo.

  7. Christmas is only 8 months away, maybe if I am a good boy well.....

  8. I got nothing. Color me speechless. :)

  9. That is unreal.. I remember seeing something called a "fuck face" at a sex shop a few years back - they had male and female versions. The male one had a mustache. It takes a LOT to weird me out - but that did it!


  10. Isn't it serial killers that are supposed to get off fucking torsos?

  11. @lost: I'm with you on this one, no spooning with the plastic torso. And as for the product description saying that it stores easily under the bed, awww hell to the no! If I ever spotted this thing under one of my guys beds? 9-1-1!!

    @OT: seems like you boys agree on this one. I must research

    @Bx: This is one thing I am fine letting the boys have all on their own, no male equivalent desired. Eww. I'll stick to real boys as I know you will.

    Porkstar: excellent points! I thought you might get a kick out of this.

    @Onion: yes, the no handcuffs situation is for sure an additional negative to this...thing

    @Cpt: Thats the 3rd vote for the fleshlight, that thing must be pretty money.

    @Sausage: Put it on your list.. and then try to be good and then maybe, just maybe....

    @Yvonne: see, you totally get what I'm feeling on this one

    @SD: oh the fuck face? wow, there is market for everything I guess. And a mustache no less? Eww

    @Tony: I think there is definitely a link between torso fucking and serial killers. If I ever see a guy walking out of a sex shop with one, I for sure won't be picking him up. Safety first!

  12. there is some crazy shit out there...

  13. What. In the mother of fuck. Is THAT?!?!

    It looks disturbing more than sexy! Who come up with this shit??

    What has been seen can never be unseen. O_O None of you all better post corpse sex toys, because I only let my RandyGirl traumatize me since I adore her! This was very naughty of her though and she'll probably need a spanking.~

  14. it's "boxing helena" come to life!

  15. I mean how sexy is it when you have to take a baby bottle cleaner to clean out the ass and pussy? Is there nothing some men won't fuck? That is straight disturbing.

    I know men who have the flesh light and seem to find it works fine. I know they are visual creatures but when does fucking a silicone body with NO head start turning men on? Not okay.

  16. I.. I.. ok that is one of the creepiest things I've seen. And that is saying a lot. I definitely agree with Onion.. if it keeps them out of farm animals..

  17. @G: Yep, I know that more now than ever

    @sweet Kat: So sorry to traumatize you love, I was hoping it would earn me spankings from you **sticks bum out expectantly and giggles**

    @Kage: It's just wrong, on several levels

    @Jewels: Not Okay, no okay indeed.

    @lex: I am sure you have seen your fair share of creepy things, glad this can rank right up there.

  18. I showed Special Agent this post and watched his eyes pop out. He agreed it was....disturbing. But, we still felt compelled to go check out the website and lo and behold, they had even weirder versions. Who knew?

    The Oklahoma girls would say raaaiiiinnnddduuuum...and I would agree.


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