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Monday, April 18, 2011

Overindulgence - Part 1

As I was licking the chocolate sauce off my fingers and sighing contentedly from a piece of brownie sundae cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory a moment ago, one word hit me that perfectly sums up the last few days: Overindulgence.

I have been the queen of all sorts of overindulgence recently. Like, seriously. I can't even make a valid excuse. I have ate disgustingly decadent and delicious things, drank entirely too much alcohol, had more than my fair share of sex, and in general have just enjoyed myself to the point of it all just being ridiculous.

Even I can't justify this level of indulgence, it's not my birthday or a holiday or vacation or anything. I'm either very lucky or have reached a new level of dysfunction even for me. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

It started innocently enough on Friday night. I met my long suffering "I'm in love with you but know it will never happen for you" friend T out at our favorite little bar for the world's best chicken nachos and Long Islands. Lots of Long Islands. Like way too many. It was one of things you don't realize until you are 3 drinks in and find yourself in the middle of the "why not me?" conversation.

We hadn't talked in months, since he confessed his love and I declined, but we ran into each other, almost literally, while we were both getting our fitness on at the park last week, so the obligatory "let's catch up" came to be.

So I decided, why not him? I have always said I would never go there with T because I actually liked him too much, but in the dreaded "friend zone" kind of way. But I  guess for whatever crazy reason the planets aligned that night because I decided to prove to myself that my "it will never be you" stance was indeed correct. And to my complete shock, the hook up was pretty intense and quite enjoyable. I know that does not help me clarify my "it will never be you" stance to him, and I take complete ownership for causing a higher degree of very unhelpful confusion to the situation, because despite it being good, it won't ever happen again and I am more certain than ever that it really will "never be him".

It sounds cold hearted I know and I hate that, but I care enough about him that I know he would be wasting his time waiting for me to reciprocate his feelings and I would much rather see him happy with someone else because he really is one of the best guys I have known in my entire life. It's just not there and won't ever be for me.  I don't regret it, it really was something that just needed to happen to fill in the missing blank for both of us and confirm what we both already knew. Maybe that's not a good enough reason, but I really feel like it was necessary for both of us to see our situation for what it is, or more importantly, what it isn't.

And that was just the beginning of my overindulgent weekend. It gets better. Or worse. Or....hell, I don't even know at this point. I guess it's a subjective thing.  I'll share more in a future post. I think I have given you enough to judge me on for one post. Thanks for letting me put it all out there with you kids, it's appreciated!

12 comments:

  1. Great post you little sauce pot ;-) A little or even a lot of overindulging doesn't hurt once in a while...personally, I don't think you can overindulge sexually anyway :)
    ~Michelle

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  2. having been that guy more than once, he will move on...but you have to be firm and honest...

    and if it is not right for one of you then it will never work..and relationships are hard work...

    why make them more difficult???

    a little "roll in" is cool...FWB is cool, too...
    but the line must be drawn or it will only lead to hurt and loss...

    just my overly opinionated opinion, of which i feel i must give, solicited or not...

    cuz i am a prick, er, uh, smart like that...

    and i love to hear myself type...

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  3. I would love to have an overindulgence weekend.

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  4. having been on both sides of the "friend" label, i can totally relate. he'll be fine, just don't do it again, it will hurt him. the sex was good huh? lol i so hate you right now! i don't even know what sex feels like anymore! ;)

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  5. Well..no judgment. You're both grownups and you both did what you did. And he did it even though he knew it would never be him. And..I don't envy you having THAT conversation.

    AND I can't WAIT to hear what else you did..you naughty naughty girl. Love it!

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  6. I love the "have sex with someone just to prove it wouldn't be good, but actually enjoyed it" times... don't let anyone judge you, it's awesome that you are open enough to admit to an overindulgence

    AmberLaShell Rants

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  7. "drank entirely too much alcohol" I'm sorry, I don't think that these words can be arranged in this order. The phrase just doesn't make sense to me. this is an impossibility!

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  8. I want to comment but I can't. I've been in his position before. It sucks. At least you're honest about it. That's something.

    My teenager mae the best cholate chip cookies Saturday. You two should compete for the choc chip cookie maker title.

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  9. I don't know an adult who hasn't caved for good loving despite knowing that the other person cares for them in a way they can't return. Ok--at least I know I've been on both ends of that situation and he will live. You were honest, you enjoyed each other, and you are both adults. No judgment sweets.

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  10. You had a good time and helped to answer a question in your head about "why not this man?", so you have nothing to feel odd about. No judgment here. Love you, my RandyGirl.~ *mwah!*

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  11. @PJ: Did you call me a sauce pot?? That's kind of an awesome thing to be called! Love it!

    @Bruce: Thanks for the comment, totally justified and damn good advice. I know where the line is now, and although he won't like it, it won't be crossed again.

    OT: you totally deserve an overindulgence weekend. Plan one, soon!

    @Yvonne: If you hate me now, you will like me less after tomorrow's post but I assure you I plan on becoming boring as hell for a while very soon.

    @Rita: You are right on all accounts. And yes, that conversation sucked, mainly because we have had it every like 6 mos for over two years now and I am sick of having to talk about it.

    @Amber: thanks love, I appreciate the support

    @Rafa: oh that sentence is valid... I don't usually drink much and I was reminded as to why

    @Lance: You could totally comment,I respect what you have to say. I've been on both sides of this position as well and yes, it sucks. As for the chocolate chip cookie bake off,,, tell her to bring it!

    @Jewels: Thanks for the acceptance and the understanding. I knew you would get it.

    @sweet Kat: It was a question that needed to be answered for both of our sakes. I couldn't take having the open issue as his excuse to not believe me when I said it will never be him. Thanks love!

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  12. No judgments here....a little overindulgence isn't always a bad thing.

    And now at least you KNOW-know.

    I am really more wrapped up in the description of the dessert, is that weird?

    www.alotoflayer.blogspot.com

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