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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Being Good Is Kind Of Boring

Hey kids! Thought I would take a break from all of the "real" writing I have been throwing at you lately to take it down a notch and get back to the nonsense for a moment.

As I declared after my Overindulgence part 1 and part 2 posts, I have decided to attempt to dial back things in the shenanigans department for a minute. And I have. And I am bored. Being good is boring. And boring sucks!


It has not been without merit however. By clearing out the distractions and noise that comes with running in chaos most the time, I have realized a few things that I think are worth sharing.

First, I realize that I had become somewhat addicted to the blatant sexual attention that I had been getting from my various guys wanting to be in my rotation. It's not even so much about wanting or needing to be with someone as just knowing that I have the option to if and when I so choose. Basically, I'm spoiled and a tad insecure so knowing that I have options makes me feel better.

I have basically dropped communication with all of them except Secret Agent Man who actually has potential to be something besides recreation, The Man, who is more of a friend than someone I date now, and  T, who is still a friend despite our "had to be done" question answering hook up.

And I am OK with this. I'm not looking for anything else from anyone else at this point. But, if I am really honest, I miss the excitement of looking for something new, feeling out someone, what they want, what they like, etc.  I had gotten really good at that part and to take myself out of the game like this has me feeling a bit bored.

I'm hoping that feeling of "I'm missing something fun" passes soon, and I am sure it will as I find a deeper and more meaningful relationship with someone. If I can even still do that. I have my doubts at this point. I am really good at being detached.

So there you have it kids, my moment of reflection for the day. Hopefully I'm not boring the shit out of you with my lack of shenanigans but if I am? Oh well, too bad!


15 comments:

  1. I've totally been there. It's normal to always be looking for something more than what you have going on. And to be bored when you can't find it.

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  2. Everybody needs to slow down now and then, just to keep from burning out. Granted, you feel bored now, but at least you're not overdoing it to the point where you're sick of your shenanigans...

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  3. Pretty good reflection.

    On a side note, I would kick an old woman down a flight of stairs if I could get some sexual attention from the ladies.

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  5. I agree with the others that this is totally understandable, and we all get attention in some way from the opposite sex, even old married ladies (ahem).

    It has definite potential to derail any relationship if taken to far. The fact that you are saying "I know this about me" shows you are deeper than the still-important physical connection.

    But what the hell do I know? I have been married to Special Agent since I was eleven.
    www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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  6. Nah, not boring me at all. We all need "reflection" time, every now and again. It keeps us grounded. I do agree with you though, being good IS boring and overrated.

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  7. We are all wired differently. I sucked being single. Both times. You seem to handle it well, except with varying degrees of control.

    I think what's important is you recognize positive and negative nehabviors, and then set out to make yourself stronger for the next experience. A lot of women could learn from you.

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  8. Oh! Congrats on being at the cusp of 100 followers.

    Are you going to do the obligatory "I got 99 followers, but a bitch ain't one" post? hehe...

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  9. Being good is boring. Being bad is easy and a lot of fun, though usually at other people’s expense. Like onion said, at least you’re aware of your problems.

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  10. Being good doesn't have to be boring. It's all about perspective. Some of us just prefer not being good. ahem.

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  11. casual sex was my favorite sex...the hunt and capture was what i lived for.

    i miss it.

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  12. Oh I totally get it--do I ever. Thanks for talking me through my moment of weakness earlier. That attention and interest can get totally addicting but it's not always healthy. Glad that you have stepped back and doing what is healthy and right for you. There are other ways of getting that high and if Secret Agent has potential just focus your fix on his attention.

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  13. It's not boring at all, love, in fact I enjoy reading peoples' reflections.

    That's brilliant that Secret Agent Man has potential to be something more than a playmate. If he's the right one and it's meant to be, then there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you will be able to have a full relationship again, my darling.~

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  14. Sounds like you are on the verge of change. I once read a proverb that said, "You can't see your reflection in running water." So sometimes it is good to slow things down.

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  15. @Heather: Amen and Amen sister!

    @Lost: You are right, it doesn't hurt to slow my roll once in a while. Sigh. And no, Jay-Z did not sign up to be my 100th follower and I am bummed about it. Work on that will you?

    @OT: Please, no kicking old ladies down the stairs, even for sex ok? Totally not worth the trouble and lawsuits.

    @Onion: Yes I "do know that about me" but I don't think that makes me deeper by any means, I think I am just aware of the shallow! Better than being oblivious I guess.

    @Yvonne: I think it is beyond overrated. Still trying to keep on being good but a girl can only be so bored for so long.

    @Lance: I don't know how I am wired anymore. I was really good at being married and never felt the need to have outside attention or interaction but I must not have been too good at it because I'm not married anymore right? I'm trying to learn something out of all of this craziness.

    @Drake: bad was fun, and usually at my own expense in my case. I tried to never hurt anyone else in the process. As for my "problem" I prefer the term dysfunction, it sounds more clinical right?

    @Josh: yes, perspective is so key

    @Bruce: I totally feel you. I am all about the rush, the beginning, how it starts, if it will or won't. The rest is just details.

    @Jewels: always such good advice and tons of support from you love, so much appreciated!

    @sweet Kat: I'm so glad that you aren't disappointed in me darling. I appreciate your vote of confidence that I'm not completely fucked in the head and incapable of a real relationship.

    @Florida: verge of change? Maybe. More than likely just taking a break to only start up yet again. I love that proverb though, thanks for sharing.

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I like attention, so give me some please!