As I declared after my Overindulgence part 1 and part 2 posts, I have decided to attempt to dial back things in the shenanigans department for a minute. And I have. And I am bored. Being good is boring. And boring sucks!
It has not been without merit however. By clearing out the distractions and noise that comes with running in chaos most the time, I have realized a few things that I think are worth sharing.
First, I realize that I had become somewhat addicted to the blatant sexual attention that I had been getting from my various guys wanting to be in my rotation. It's not even so much about wanting or needing to be with someone as just knowing that I have the option to if and when I so choose. Basically, I'm spoiled and a tad insecure so knowing that I have options makes me feel better.
I have basically dropped communication with all of them except Secret Agent Man who actually has potential to be something besides recreation, The Man, who is more of a friend than someone I date now, and T, who is still a friend despite our "had to be done" question answering hook up.
And I am OK with this. I'm not looking for anything else from anyone else at this point. But, if I am really honest, I miss the excitement of looking for something new, feeling out someone, what they want, what they like, etc. I had gotten really good at that part and to take myself out of the game like this has me feeling a bit bored.
I'm hoping that feeling of "I'm missing something fun" passes soon, and I am sure it will as I find a deeper and more meaningful relationship with someone. If I can even still do that. I have my doubts at this point. I am really good at being detached.
So there you have it kids, my moment of reflection for the day. Hopefully I'm not boring the shit out of you with my lack of shenanigans but if I am? Oh well, too bad!