Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Women & Cheating - The Reasons Why


Ladies: Have you ever? Would you ever? 
What would make you justify cheating as necessary or OK?

I know some of you may find this hard to believe based on some of my randy posts but I have never cheated in a committed relationship. Even when my marriage was in complete self-destruct mode, I never stepped out on my husband despite numerous opportunities to do so had I wanted to. I don't know why, I just didn't. It is easy enough to see how and why it happens, to both men and women though and an interesting segment I caught on TV today brought me back around to the topic.

I'm curious as to your thoughts on this.

I saw this segment on the TODAY show this morning and was intrigued by what the experts speaking on the topic proposed as reasons why women cheat and how cheating can be prevented.

First, I think it is important to note that in regards to this particular discussion, the definition of cheating was not limited to sexual acts with someone other than your partner/spouse. It was much more broadly defined to encompass any betrayal of the commitment including creating emotional ties to someone other than your partner/spouse.

I think the definition in and of itself has plenty of room for debate and I might tackle that in another post but for this, I am looking for your perspective on the reasons  listed below.

Top 5 Reasons Women Cheat:
1) Seeking revenge
2) They want to get caught (Exit Affair)
3) They feel lonely
4) They want to relive relive their past
5)  They have a near death experience

Seeking Revenge: The concept behind this driver is that the woman has been betrayed or cheated on by her spouse/partner and thus seeks to show them the same level of pain and hurt by doing it back to them.

They want to get caught (Exit Affair): This was an interesting one to me. The thinking behind this is that the woman in unhappy but feels that she can't take the initiative to just end the relationship/marriage because of social stigma or whatnot so she has an affair hoping to get caught so her partner will end it for her.  Studies show that men are much less likely to forgive the woman when she cheats and therefore would most likely take steps to end it as oppose to want to work through it.

They feel lonely: This one is pretty cut and dry. Not getting any attention or affection from the partner/spouse leads women to seek companionship (emotional or physical or both) from someone outside of her committed relationship

They want to relive their past: This is the one I have the hardest time with out of this list. What woman, or man for that matter, doesn't remember fondly the good ol' days of being wild and free, that hot Spring Break hook up, or the first love they had. But to try to recapture those feelings by having an affair? I just am not making the connection on that one.

They have a near death experience: It's not so much the actual events of the near death experience that prompt the affair but more so the evaluation of how happy or unfulfilled a woman is as she reevaluates what is really important to her after such a traumatic experience. Women that were happy just being in a mediocre marriage prior to are now seeking true romance and love and adventure to live to their fullest.

In this same segment, they also offered ways to help a woman keep from cheating on her partner/spouse. Those were equally as interesting and I'll be putting those in a follow up post for further discussion.

So what do you think? Is this really why women cheat? Have you cheated for one of these reasons or are there other more relevant reasons that they missed? Let me know! 

To see the full segment being reference, see info below
TODAYs Natalie Morales talks to Kelly Wallace, chief correspondent, about why more women are cheating on their significant others.

Graphic credit from


  1. Wow - a near death experience. I suppose that would make one want to "live it up" a bit.

    I'll be checking in to see what the comments are from your female followers on this one since I was cheated on in my past, and never really got a satisfactory reason as to why she did it.


  2. Not being a woman, not even really having a fem-side at all I have no idea.
    They all SEEM like good reasons, But I would venture to guess that all of them boil down to the Girl,Lady,Mom,Woman, not getting something they need.

  3. Touchy subject with me as I have dated my fair share of cheating whores.

  4. I have never cheated while in a comitted relationship. I have, however been cheated on. And I will fully admit that after I found out about his (repeated) indiscretions, I wished that I had. Since that mother fucker ended the relationship I never got the chance for that "revenge cheat".

  5. I was the affair. Her reasons were #2 and #3. And now we've been together for 2 1/2 years, and we're talking marriage. Sometimes you upgrade, but in most instances infidelity is bad.

  6. It never once entered my mind that you would *ever* cheat on someone, my darling. You care far too much for people to anyone, especially someone you were involved with.

    I don't agree with the last reason. I suppose that it's possibly for someone to cheat after nearly dying, but for me, and I've nearly had my death certificate signed a number of times, it didn't make me look outside to live it up. It make me look inward and be thankful for the people I already had that loved me, and appreciate that I almost lost them.

  7. Excuse me Ms. Duplicity, I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner...

    I don't see any differences between the reasons why mena nd women cheat. Women may find more romance in an affair than a dude but a cheater cheats because a cheater cheats. Frederick Niestche or Queen Latifah said that.

    I have been cheated on several times but like you, Randy (can I call you Randy?) I have never strayed. I'm a like a puppy. You feed me, pet me, throw me a bone, I'll keep coming back for more.

    I think people cheat because they lack a moral compass. I also think people cheat because they can. Even during my first marriage, which was a horror movie, I never even thought of cheating. Men and women cheat because they have bad judgement.

  8. I have never cheated in any of my serious relationships. I am a flirt person by nature and I guess somebody could say that I "cheated" by flirting with men-but I don't think I'll ever be able to stop doing that...and it's harmless! When I am in a relationship I'm in it because I want to be, it's working for me, and I care about the other person...if/when that changes I exit the relationship...negating any reason for cheating.

    I can honestly say that if any of my female friends ever cheated I never heard about it. I can see the logic behind the 5 reasons given but for me if it's not working and I've tried to communicate and make things work and it's not-I'm out long before I have to cheat to get what I need.

    I have been the woman that men cheat with but I think men's reasons and women's reasons are VERY different.

  9. In my experience women can be as bad a s men in the whole cheating department.... but i never considered the reasons behind it - interesting post

  10. Hmmm....this is a strange one. I've never cheated. best friend is a guy. We've been best friends ever since 6th grade. Always platonic. I literally talk to him 2 or 3 times a day in email. I don't get along with females. I don't have any kind of girlie social circle. All of my friends are guys, aside from 1 or 2 women who I can stand to be in the same room with for more than 5 minutes. So, I guess my idea of "betrayal" and "cheating" is a bit different. Either way, I really can't imagine why anyone would do anything so assassinating to one's character. It's just sleazy...but that's just me....

  11. What an interesting topic. I've never cheated, but I've thought about it. Well, more and more recently. I'm pretty sure my wife has cheated. Fortunately for her I am extremely good at denial. People cheat because they are not getting something that they need from their committed relationship.

  12. I have never cheated on anyone but I have been cheated on plenty. Their reasons were purly to hurt me as each relationship was abusive in some sort of way; mentally, verbaly or pyshicaly. And in my honest opinion there is not one justifiable reason as to why someone cheats. Plus if you cheat with another person who is in a relationship what makes you any better than the person you're cheating on, if they're the reason you're doing so?

  13. Wow, so many great comments! Thanks for the great conversation on this topic.
    First, big ups to Lance for busting out the Alanis song lyric spin, got it, loved it, song playing in my head now. And yes, you may call me Randy now.

    I am not surprised but still saddened by how many people have been the cheated upon as opposed to being the cheater. But there has to be someone who did the cheating to create the situation so maybe there will be some insight still to come from any cheaters. Anyone, anyone? We need both sides here. Check out today's post about Cheating - Men vs. Women more good discussion points on that too.

  14. I have never cheated. But I'm intrigued by the whold emotional ties thing. When does caring about a male friend turn to their definition of cheating I wonder. I'm surprised by reason #5 because that doesn't make sense to me. If I nearly died, I would be more concerned with spending as much time with the people I loved than running around on my husband. If the reaction is to cheat, there must be one of the other reasons behind it and the near-death experience was just the final straw.

    I can understand #4 though. As someone who went straight from high school to mother, I sometimes wish I could relive the days when I was wild and free and implusive. Having an affair is probably the biggest wild (and exciting), free, impulsive thing a person can think of. For me though, the risk of ruining my relationship with my husband and my complete love and respect for him, keep me away from that temptation. I just look for other things that remind me I'm still young and can have fun!

  15. Personally I would not cheat. However I am not judging those who do as everyones situations are different.

  16. I cheated on my first husband. This was six years ago and I hate telling people because I think their first assumption is that I am a "cheating whore" as Oilfield put it. Or that I "lack a moral compass" as Lance said. It is so hard to know the reality of what goes on in a marriage that leads to one party cheating unless you are in it. No one but me and him knows what my marriage was like.
    I am not saying that my actions were right or that they were justified. I was so very wrong for cheating. If I could take it back I would. I would have sacked up and took control of all the things I hated in our marriage. I cheated for many reasons only one of my reasons was on your list. I was lonely. Very lonely. Maybe I should share the rest of the reasons in my own blog post....hmmm.

  17. @Hannah: I'm with you on thinking if it was a near death situ I would be thankful for what I had instead of seeking out something more but I luckily have never been in that situation so maybe?

    @Tony VH: I think that is best we can hope for. To understand that everyone's situation is different and stand firm in what you believe anyways

    @Jess: I think you definitely have your own post out of this for sure girlie! I agree that no one knows what was happening inside your marriage but you and him. No judgement here. Just enjoying the different angles and experiences that everyone is contributing.

  18. i cheated on my first wife before we were engaged, but only cuz i was a dog.

    oh and complete idiot...

    i would never cheat on any woman i am in arealtionsship with now...


    i can barely handle one woman f*ing with my chee, why would i want a second one doing that...

    it is a selfish reason to be sure, but i am serious.

    i alos hate to have to lie...

    i do enough of that at work.

  19. I don't get it-the ratio in ND is about 50 men to one woman-Do they pass her around? because my husband, who yes has recentley cheated, says about 85% of the men in the patch Cheat. I do know he told me "his Tina Marie would fuck the whole crew" maybe thats how they take care of business in ND, its pretty digusting!! And will more than likely be paccking my bags in a very short period of time

    1. That is disgusting. I'm sorry you are going through that.


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