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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Again with the Threesome? Yes, indeed!

I am away for a pleasure/business trip for a few days but never fear, I have plenty to keep you busy with while I'm gone.


I seem to be developing weekly themes here at Random Girl. One week was cheating, this week was threesomes. Who knows what I'll get stuck on next?


Hopefully by now you have all seen my article at The Dude Society about threesomes. That was more of a light hearted take on how a guy can get their girl to consider it without getting slapped. For this installment of Threesome Theater, we will be taking a look at the dynamics of the threesome, the risks and rewards, and some of the emotional aspects that need to be considered in this type of arrangement, FFM/MMF/Swinger, and how to best manage some of the challenges that can come in these awesome yet complicated scenarios. Thanks to author of Monogamy Sucks George Pappas and James Holeva "The Wingman" for their input and expertise on this one. 


Down for a Threesome? Read This First! 

Any good porno worth its weight in… well, you know, features a threesome. This long sought after  two to one ratio scenario has rocked the world of many a guy for far too long. It is almost the holy grail of sex. To achieve the threesome means sexual greatness. I would venture to say that it is on 99% of all guys bucket lists. Just an educated guess.  But not all threesomes are the same.


The Two Girl/One Guy Threesome (FFM)
The most common threesome scenario/fantasy is the one featuring two lovely ladies and one lucky guy.  Preferably two lovely ladies that rock it like porn stars, but really any two ladies will most likely do.

Rules of Engagement
Any time sex goes from one-on-one to a threesome, the normal rules of engagement need to be revised a bit to avoid confusion, jealously, or disappointment. George Pappas, author of the novel Monogamy Sucks which examines one man’s adventures as a swinger, highlights the importance of communication when dealing with this specific exciting, yet sensitive arrangement
.
Some key things to be discusses prior to engaging in a two girl/1 guy love fest? What does everyone like to do? Will someone feel left out? What if a woman likes to give blow jobs and another doesn't? Will the women also be open to going down on each other and he watches or will he be able to participate and have sex with one while the other performs oral sex on her female friend? Will a guy be able to have sex w both women?
Pappas warns, “Jealousies can even flair up in casual encounters so everyone has to feel they are having fun and participating.” By taking the time to set expectations and communicate concerns, all three of you can enjoy a more fulfilling experience.

Risk vs. Reward
The biggest reward to living out the two girl/one guy scenario is that you have been fantasizing about it for much of your life.  What could be better that making a dream come true right? It is your opportunity to have simultaneous stimulation in a way that isn’t possible any other way.  Plus, you get to fulfill another fantasy of seeing two beautiful women pleasing each other in the process. To get the inside track on how women know how to please each other can give you some great material to use in future one on one sexual situations.

The downfall of living out this scenario is that it comes with a tremendous amount of pressure as James Holeva, otherwise known as The Wingman  points out. Through his expansive personal experiences, he says the following of the two girl/one guy set up: “The greatest difference is the pressure. For many guys pleasing one woman is a high pressure task, you add a second broad to the mix and you have the responsibility of a Don in the middle of a mafia war.”

Holeva also points out that the real life version of the threesome doesn’t always live up to the fantasy you have been harboring for so long. He says, “I find guys are often disappointed by their first threesome with two girls. It's this fantasy for so long that so much anticipation is involved that guys expect too much.” His advice for overcoming this disappointment and making the best of the situation? It’s in the mindset.   “Don't stress, don't worry, don't freak out... You're banging two chicks. What could be better?”

 The Two Guy/One Girl Threesome (MMF)
The second, less common version of the threesome fantasy for most men is the two guy/one girl scenario.  The biggest hang up while considering this scenario seems to come from the opportunity for some uncomfortable maneuvering of the two guys such as touching of body parts in transition and just the general unease of being naked with another dude even if it is for the purpose of having sex with a woman.

Rules of Engagement
The key to a successful two guy/1 girl scenario is communication, even more so than in the two girl/1 guy set up.  Pappas again stresses the importance of communication in this scenario but adds the critical factor that this type of arrangement must be driving around pleasing the female participant.
Pappas writes: "What needs to be uncovered? Her fantasies and preferences according to Pappas.  “Does she want to be fucked from behind while performing oral sex? Does she want to suck both of them off? Does she want to be double penetrated? Or does she just want to be fucked by both of them as they trade off in between blow jobs."

And while it is a given in most two girl/one guy threesomes that the girls will be acting upon each other in a sexual way, there may be different rules when it comes to the two guy/1 girl situation. Pappas says, “This is tricky - does she want the two men to be together while she watches. This is a complete turnoff for straight men, but it has to be discussed up front. If you say you’re a straight male from the start this is no problem. If you’re a bi-male then that can added to your activities.” This is one caveat to the threesome that you don’t want there to be any misunderstanding on what the boundaries are from the get go.

Risk vs. Reward
The reward for this scenario is two-fold. One, you know that you are giving your woman an extraordinary amount of pleasure and sensation with the help of the other guy and will probably be one of her most memorable sex moments for her. Secondly, as Holeva points out, having another guy there in a supporting role really takes the pressure off of you. His take on it? “As for two guys, while not quite as sexy for a straight man, it's a real team effort, which really takes the pressure off. Support your wingman and great things could be accomplished. When one has ran out of ammo use your wingman to keep firing while you sneak into the corner to reload your weapon.”

The biggest drawback to the 2 guy/1 girl threesome, as mentioned above, is a general lack of comfort level when it comes to the thought of being naked with another guy and working in very close proximity to each other’s penises. While you are both working for the same end result, deciding who goes where and when can cause some logistical concerns to say the least. To help combat this awkwardness, Holeva recommends taking the teamwork approach and utilizing a quick huddle prior to commencing the activities to make sure you two guys are on the same page. As he outlines communication and  a good game plan can make this work for all of you. Decide who will be starting in what position first. Communication with each other on when to switch, if one of you needs a tag out to, um, reload, and have a time out protocol for if at any point someone ventures into forbidden territory. 

Swingers – Another type of Threesome
The threesome scenarios discussed above were in the context of casual relationships, not situations where two of the participants were an established couple or husband/wife.  Those nuances create a situation for swinging, where an additional person, male or female, is introduced into the established couples sexual realm.  There are some special considerations to be taken in the swinging lifestyle and I will cover those more in detail in an upcoming article.

So there you have it kids, the lowdown on all things threesome related. You are welcome!  

21 comments:

  1. I feel educated, and slightly aroused.

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  2. I'm with Lost.in.Idaho. Great post, sweets and way to utilize the "experts".

    I don't think it comes as a surprise that women are more comfortable with other naked women so the FFM will always be more acted upon but there is something to be said (for me anyways) about the MMF. All that attention---MMM!

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  3. I can imagine some fun aspects of a threesome, but I think the cons would outweigh the negative for me.

    For one, while communication is paramount in any sexual situation, I think that the pre-negotiation that's required prior to getting down with more than one person would not sit well with randy and impatient me. I'd probably lose patience, grab one of the two, say "look, this is *your* night, you lucky fucker, because there are SO many better things we could be doing with our mouths right now instead of *talking*" and come back for the other another time.

    Excellent article, my darling.~ It's a shame that Dude Society passed on it. :( I'm glad that I got to read it here though.

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  4. I think that if I had a threesome, it would be with someone I'm casually seeing, or be with a couple that's casually seeing each other. I've watched those crime scene shows. I know who gets axed.
    Thanks for this arousing AND informative (yayy sex class!) post!

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  5. I will take the ffm one and call it a night.

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  6. This was quite a read for me this rainy Sunday morning (what would the church-goers say? and how would I know?)

    Food for thought, anyhow. One wonders if once a couple went this way, if the usual could ever stand up to this experience?

    The Onion
    www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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  7. Great pointers on the different scenarios! Maybe one day...

    Hope your having a kick ass weekend.

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  8. Hi Lisa,

    Thanks for the wonderful opportunity to be a part of your intriguing article about what to consider with each threesome scenario. I really appreciate it. Your questions were insightful as was your article. Hope my contributions helped. Look forward to your upcoming article about threesomes involving committed swinger couples.

    Thanks again,

    George Pappas
    author of novel "Monogamy Sucks"
    www.monogamysucks.wordpress.com

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  9. @lost: Glad you found the content stimulating and informative.

    @Jewels: Yes George and James were so kind to lend their expertise to me on this topic. As for the scenarios, I agree the MMF situ is all about the attention

    @Kat: I can appreciate your randiness and your impatience sweet Kat! I too would rather act than talk in most situations but I think when it starts getting this complicated, a convo prior can save a lot of drama after.

    @Lex: Yes, thanks to CSI we all know who gets axed first in this scenario so there is some level of apprehension lol

    @OT: I am so entirely not surprised by that response.

    @Onion: I can think of few more interesting things I would want to ponder on a rainy Sunday Morning. I don't know how it would chance they dynamic of the couple afterwards. Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would be like dessert, good to have once in a while as a treat but not something to be indulged in all the time? George or James, feel free to expand.

    @Brandi: Yes, I am so glad that George and James were able to provide such detailed and practical information on the complexities involved. Yes, the weekend has been kick ass, but it is my ass that is getting kicked. Finally coming out of the haze this afternoon..good times!

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  11. Great article!! This is a scenario I am very familiar with and totally enjoyed in my past relationship. Aside from communication, patience is also important. As men, we could be easily pleased if the girl offers to bring another woman to the mix, but women usually take their time making their minds. Which is fine and highly advisable. Regardless of the type of threesome, I believe the comfort of the woman is more important than anything else.

    When it comes to MMF scenarios, it can pave a way for the woman to feel her man trusts her completely and in general for both to be completely honest with each other's feelings and emotions.

    In my experience, luckily the other dudes were also straight and the ex never wanted any boy/boy action. As far as to where, what position and for how long, that depends on the dude as well. A double penetration, for instance can turn many guys off because of the proximity to each other's balls, but one recommendation would be to concentrate in what you are doing to the GIRL and her pleasure, rather than thinking how long you've been slapping your balls against the other dude.

    In committed relationships/marriage, swinging can be very rewarding for both, as long as you both know where your heart is and how far you both agreed going. There are many extra situations within the swinging lifestyle that it can either be good for the couple or completely ruin a relationship. Not everything is for everybody, excess is never a good thing, patience and communication are top most priorities.

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  12. For me they've never been that great... with various combinations - each to their own

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  13. @Porkstar: I think the point you raise about patience is an excellent one. I would think that coming to how you really feel about the possibility of the acting on the fantasy can take a bit longer than being comfortable with the fantasy itself. I don't know that for some people, they ever get past the fantasy part from a comfort level perspective. Thanks for the great comment and your insight into it from your personal experiences. I'm glad you shared!

    G: I think that a lot of people kind of feel that the scenarios, in whatever configuration, is overhyped from an expectation perspective. I think it can probably be as monumental or as ho-hum as you make it and it could be very relative to what your "normal" sex life looks like.

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  14. Interesting write! And very informative. Maybe one day I'll get to play it out! ;)

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  15. This is a very good article! It is true that you have a lot to deal with. I have had the FFM type of threesome and it can get awkward if one woman feels a little left out.

    AmberLaShell Rants
    AmberLaShell's Naughty Nights

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  16. Fantastic article! Very informative and well-written. Thanks! :)

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  17. Thanks for the comments Yvonne, Amber, and Bella! I was very lucky to has such great info offered from George and James. Glad we all learned something. It has me thinking, I can tell you that!

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  18. Great questions girlie and great answers boys;) Amazing how complex casual interactions can become. Nicely done:)

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  19. Alot of good pointers here! I've participated in a quite a few of these scenarios and I can say that a good sense of humor goes a long way too in keeping everyone relaxed about it. That and realizing it's a marathon and not a sprint...

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  20. Fun breakdown of the threesome dynamics! It can be such a blast but I agree that it can get ugly if there isn't communication first.

    I have personally found that there is a lot of fun to be had in mmf as well as ffm. I don't get tense about the presence of another guy though so that particular set-back isn't an issue for me.

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  21. @Carlo: Thanks for the comment and for checking out Random Girl. It has been really interesting to get so many perspectives on the MMF/FFM configurations and just the concept of threesomes in general.

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