Wednesday, February 16, 2011

"Two Sides"

I'm feeling reflective today, what can I say? More action packed Random Girl entries coming soon, but just something to think about in the meantime. I wrote this 5/8/10, but it's coming back to me strongly today. 

There are two sides to me
The same but very much different
One is all she can be
One very much isn't
The first, strong and smart with all the potential
The second, impulsive and foolish but very influential
I'm a great mother, good daughter, best friend
She's fun, sexy, fearless, and not afraid to go all in
Measured and steady, honest and true
Reckless and tempting, manipulative too
The first one you would call when your world crashes down
The last one you don't want to miss when she comes to town
Equal and opposite
Which one will you get?
Which one do you want?
Because I can be both
Each one takes a turn
One builds while one burns
One hides while the other seeks
Turns away, unable to meet
The gaze of the other, but she knows
The story of the other
The secrets she hides
The games and the lies
The smoke and the mirrors,
Make pretty and cover up
But the true image remains
Burned in truth like a stain
Of hurt and deceit and the real turning false
The light and the love, the dark and the loss
Is there a choice between truth and lies?
No, I don't think so, at least not seen through my eyes
Maybe it's all truth, both are equal and real
But that means I am what I am, I feel what I feel
Who would want that? To be what you are?
I'm just fucked up me, not a saint or a star
Imperfect and flawed
Not shiny and new
I can't be like you
And I'm not any of those things
I'm all and I'm nothing


  1. That was lovely, my dearest Randy Girl.~ I think that a lot of struggle with the different sides of ourselves, wondering which is the "real" one and all, but you're correct that each side is the "real" one. I find it sometimes exhausting, like I'm a walking contradiction, but then isn't that one of the things that make us fun? That we can have these different sides and pull them out as needed? It certainly makes life for those around us interesting, or so I'm told. ;-)

  2. @Kat: My sweet Kat, that is exactly what I feel like sometimes, a walking contradiction. It's like if people only knew me from one side, they would think I had an evil/angel twin (depending on which side they know first lol). It is almost scary to realize how one person can very much be two complete different people through actions and intentions... I'm sure there are meds for that...maybe I should get some! Much love for you sweetness XOXO

  3. Well, I take meds (and Tequila) and they haven't changed my questionable behavior, so I think it's just who we are. Lovin' you Randy Darling.~ *muah*

  4. What a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing it!

  5. I don't know why but the pseudo-rhyming of "different" with "isn't" jumped out at me.

    I'll never know how (if?) my mind works.

  6. I love this!! I'm just now discovering your blog and I've been digging deep into the archives. I'm already a big fan :)


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