Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Phoning It In vs. Showing Up: And the winner is.....

Yesterday I posted at about expectations in relationships and how setting your expectations appropriately can determine your level of satisfaction,  not just on Vday, but on any day. I set my expectations pretty spot on for yesterday. I would get a nice non-committal text from "The Man", and a series of porn texts from Fireman. Neither disappointed. That is exactly what I got from both.

What I was not expecting was the follow up. "The Man" called me, twice. We spoke for a while each time and at one point he went so far as to tell me how grateful he was to have me in his life. He sounded quite sincere and for a guy that never gives me any form of verbal validation, it was nice to hear. No plans to see me, last night or otherwise, just a long conversation centered mainly around him and his weekend of out of town partying (which I didn't get an invite to) which was no surprise to me. I just say "uh huh" and "oh really" at the appropriate times which seems to count as conversation to him. He phoned it in. And that, as usual, was good enough for him.

The follow up from Fireman was quite different. After texting pretty much the entire day, I had expected that I would not hear from him again that night. I was wrong. He sent me a text while I was on the phone with "The Man" that he wanted to come over. He would be able to get off his shift at the fire department a little early and he was headed my way. Was this ok he asked. OK? It was more than ok.

He came over late but was not short on enthusiasm for me. The one thing I love about this guy is that he is so eager to be with me and never takes a minute we spend together for granted. He is also excellent at following instructions which makes us both very happy. To him, my value is unmeasurable and unquestioned. Maybe it is because we have such strict confines on what part of our life we share and in what realm that sharing happens but for me it is quality of involvement vs. scope of involvement and we have quality down without a question. And he showed up for me because he wanted to, not because I asked him to.

When it comes to phoning it in vs. showing up the decision is not a hard one for me in this case or nearly any other. It is ease vs.effort. Convenience vs. connection. Not there vs. completely there. Outside looking in vs. inside me. It's "your not worth my time" vs. "there is nothing more worthwhile". It's an easy decision: the winner shows up.


  1. I'm glad you had a fun Valentine's Day, my darling Randy Girl.~

    Now, I have to go back and maybe re-read your older posts, but WHY are we not dating Fireman, love???

    One last question: I haven't put you in my blog roll yet because I wasn't sure if you were going to post here or your old site-which one do you want me to link to you?

  2. Sweet Kat, yes, Vday went down swinging right at the wire,, as the clock struck was almost like Cinderella, only much sluttier and without the glass slipper incident.
    To save you the trouble of scouring my ill-tagged posts, Fireman is simply a plaything for me darling. It would never work to try a relationship for many reasons, not the least of which that I am 8 years older than his beautiful ass. He serves his purpose and we are good for each other in all the right ways.
    As for the dual blog dilemma, I decided to post both here and at because I am too tech stupid to figure out how to make one go to both places on its own. Same post, just doing it in both spots. Awesome ey?
    And so ends today Random lesson. Thank you...and Goodnight! XOXO


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