Yesterday I posted at www.randomgirlblog.com about expectations in relationships and how setting your expectations appropriately can determine your level of satisfaction, not just on Vday, but on any day. I set my expectations pretty spot on for yesterday. I would get a nice non-committal text from "The Man", and a series of porn texts from Fireman. Neither disappointed. That is exactly what I got from both.
What I was not expecting was the follow up. "The Man" called me, twice. We spoke for a while each time and at one point he went so far as to tell me how grateful he was to have me in his life. He sounded quite sincere and for a guy that never gives me any form of verbal validation, it was nice to hear. No plans to see me, last night or otherwise, just a long conversation centered mainly around him and his weekend of out of town partying (which I didn't get an invite to) which was no surprise to me. I just say "uh huh" and "oh really" at the appropriate times which seems to count as conversation to him. He phoned it in. And that, as usual, was good enough for him.
The follow up from Fireman was quite different. After texting pretty much the entire day, I had expected that I would not hear from him again that night. I was wrong. He sent me a text while I was on the phone with "The Man" that he wanted to come over. He would be able to get off his shift at the fire department a little early and he was headed my way. Was this ok he asked. OK? It was more than ok.
He came over late but was not short on enthusiasm for me. The one thing I love about this guy is that he is so eager to be with me and never takes a minute we spend together for granted. He is also excellent at following instructions which makes us both very happy. To him, my value is unmeasurable and unquestioned. Maybe it is because we have such strict confines on what part of our life we share and in what realm that sharing happens but for me it is quality of involvement vs. scope of involvement and we have quality down without a question. And he showed up for me because he wanted to, not because I asked him to.
When it comes to phoning it in vs. showing up the decision is not a hard one for me in this case or nearly any other. It is ease vs.effort. Convenience vs. connection. Not there vs. completely there. Outside looking in vs. inside me. It's "your not worth my time" vs. "there is nothing more worthwhile". It's an easy decision: the winner shows up.