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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Married at First Sight. Really?

I haven't posted in so long I can't even remember what I talked about last, but today I saw a show on some random cable network that had me staring at the television with an attention span that I usually reserve only for Saturdays during college football season: Married at First Sight.

Here's the premise behind it: people who have all but given up on dating and finding love through the normal channels agree to let a team of "experts" identify the "perfect" mate for them. They put so much faith in these experts and the process that they don't meet, see of a picture of, or even know the name of the person they have been set up with. The very first time they see or speak to the person they have been paired with is when they are standing at the freakin' alter at their wedding to this COMPLETE STRANGER.

Yes. This is no ordinary blind date show folks. This is people, who in their desperation and utter and complete defeat of dating under their own devices, who have agreed to marry someone that they have not even seen a picture of. They claim they are "trusting the process" and putting their faith in the experts that have vetted their mates. But really.... really??

The level of anxiety and awkward the last 5 minutes of the first episode as lucky couple #1 set eyes on each other for the first time, in front of their friends and family while dressed in a wedding dress and tux, is enough to make even me squirm. Especially considering the sheer look of disappointment and panic on the bride's face was equal to and opposite of the look of winning the lottery on the groom's face. She was not impressed with her groom to say the least. Screw the experts and all the reasons it would work on paper...this girl was ready to cut and run.

Now, that's all you get on the first episode, other than a great tease of her impending breakdown coming in episode 2 and the equally intriguing teases of the the other 2 couples that have been crazy enough to agree to marry each other having never seen or talked to each other.

This show is doing exactly what it's supposed to do, make people like me be so appalled and yet intensively intrigued that I can't not watch the rest of it. But it's also making me ponder the reason that a person would sign on for this craziness. Are we really so exhausted and disenchanted by the dating process that we are willing to just hand it all over to a team of experts, throw on a wedding dress, and show up to the alter hoping for the best?

Apparently, yes. Yes we are.


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What is it about making out in parking lots?

I ran across a blog post this morning that posed the question "why don't people make out any more once they have been married or in a committed relationship for a while?". That's easy. Because they don't make out in the parking lot. Duh.

And they probably don't make out in the parking lot because they probably don't go out on dates much any more. Sure, they may go to dinner or to see a movie or to some obligatory community event but they don't go out with the express purpose of flirting with each other, creating loads of sexual tension, and then leaving together so wound up that they can't wait to get home so they have to make out right there in the parking lot.

With familiarity comes comfort, which is great. But sometimes familiarity also comes with disinterest, or lack of effort. You just begin to take each other for granted, rely on the info you gained about likes/dislikes from the early make out days of your relationship, and coast along on auto pilot until you realize that you only kiss for a few brief moments out of obligation before you move on to the sex. Where's the fun in that?

One of the perks of being single is that I can make out at will with anyone I please. And I often do. Not because I'm searching for my soul mate, but because I like to make out. I will admit to keeping a low potential guy around way longer than I realistically should just for the simple fact that I like to make out with him. Selfish? Yes. Genius? Perhaps. I like to think it's a win/win situation for the both of us.

Take for instance the guy I've most recently been dating. We've been dating for about a month, which for me is kind of a long time, let's be honest. Now, I have my suspicions that things are going nowhere fast with this guy from a relationship perspective. He's a little older than me, runs a bunch of businesses, is a super big deal in his own mind, and really is not my ideal guy in a number of ways.

I should cut him loose right? Wrong.

Cutting him loose now would be like putting myself in make out time out for no good reason. That part is not broken so who am I to go trying to fix it? Our normal night out is to meet up late for drinks, talk and flirt for a while, get a little wound up over a few cocktails, and then completely maul each other like teenagers in the parking lot before parting ways for the evening or following each other to one of our houses to continue progressively making out for several hours. Yes, hours. It's ridiculous, but ridiculously good and neither of us wants to stop even though we both need to get up early to be responsible adults in the morning.

So what's the harm in that? Nothing that I can find except that I'm dragging ass the next morning because I like to get my full 8 hours of sleep at night and parking lot make outs cut into that drastically. Other than that, I think it's good clean fun.

Would it be just as hot if we were 2 years into a relationship and had done everything 100 times and have each other completely figured out already? Probably not. I don't think either of us would still be trying so hard at that point and the days of hot parking lot make outs would fade into the sunset. I doubt it will get to that point with us so for now I'm going to enjoy the newness of it and appreciate the fact that we both still have a lot to figure out about each other and look forward to doing so.

So what if all he ever is for me is a hot make out? That in and of itself is a valuable asset if you ask me. Not every guy has to be a potential long term match. Sometimes accepting what someone is vs. what they most likely aren't is a good thing.

How do those of you in the long term realm keep it hot with your significant other? Do you still make out in the parking lot? If not, why?? You're missing out!
Photo source: http://www.teen.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/aria-ezra-parking-lot-makeout-kiss.jpg



Monday, March 17, 2014

Self Defense

I like the idea of self defense. I've never been one to rely on someone else to help me. Not with my luggage at the airport (I never pack more than I can maneuver on my own), not to shovel me out after a huge snow dump (of which we've had many this winter), and not to save me if someone is trying to do something bad to me.

If help should be offered in any of the above situations, I will most likely take it and say thank you, but I don't count on someone to be there or to be helpful if they are there. Most people prefer to ignore a need for help as opposed to offer assistance so I'm a "handle it myself" kind of girl.

I consider myself a fairly strong person in the physical realm thanks to lots of gym time but I don't overestimate my ability to turn the tables on a stronger person should they choose to inflict harm on me. And I don't like that. I want to at least give myself a fighting chance if push comes to shove with an ill-intending figure. When an opportunity to take an intensive self defense class came up, I signed up and tried to draft as many of my lovely girlfriends to come with as I could. This is important stuff people!!

The class was filled with women of all ages and different levels of physical abilities. It didn't matter. The course was designed to give everyone the basics of how to create space to get away from an aggressor, inflict a little pain, and make a run for it. It also taught us how to assess a situation, how to verbally buy time in a dangerous situation, and strategies to get the attention and potential assistance from anyone nearby if you're fortunate enough to be approached in a public place.

The instructors didn't try to scare us, but they train most of the local law enforcement agencies and the information they did share was of things happening in our picturesque suburban utopia. Ugly stuff. Violent stuff. But all real life events that seldom make it to the local news. I appreciated the honesty and am now more aware of what to look for to keep myself safer as I'm out and about. There is a lot of messed up stuff happening and I don't want to be another clueless woman who is too busy texting to realize that there are clear signs of danger right in front of me.

Women in general are a vulnerable group. Someone who wants to attack or abduct you is counting on you to be scared, to freeze up, and to comply with their orders. They count on their larger body mass, and in some cases a weapon, to intimidate and easily overpower you. They are not expecting you to whip around and face them, groin kick them like you're splitting them in two and follow it up with a palm heal punch and hammer fist combo and run like hell. That makes you a whole lot less appealing to deal with.

I knew I would like the class when one of the first things the instructor said is that "Today is about learning how to fight dirty. And women have to be the dirtiest fighters out there." It wasn't about building a false sense of security or talking about what to do, it was 3 hours of punching, kicking, flipping a person off of you on the ground, and learning how to assess situations and make the best possible odds for you to walk away (or run like hell!)

I hope that I never have to use anything that I learned. The cuts and bruises and sore muscles I have from just practicing are quite enough trauma for me. But it's nice to know that I've been given a foundation of information that will help me override my freeze response and come out swinging! Watch out sucka, this one is a fighter!

I would strongly encourage anyone to take a proactive step and learn how to better protect and defend yourself through a self defense course at your local martial arts studios or law enforcement agency when they offer it. There is no better investment of your time and money. DO IT!


Friday, January 31, 2014

"Soft-Core Friday" - I Can't Remember to Forget You

Boy, it's been a while since I've done a SCF post, but it's good to be back!

I feel like I'm finally getting back to being me and it feels pretty darn good. I'm back to the grind, back to the gym, and back to shenanigans...all is right with the world again. I'll take it! The end of the year sucked to put it mildly but as in all things, it's just a season and it too shall pass. It always does. Here's to getting on with getting on!

I've found a shiny new thing to keep me smiling. He's a good distraction and an even better...well, you know. Think Mark Wahlberg circa the Marky Mark/Calvin Klein underwear ad days and that's what I get to look at on a regular basis. Yes, please! I swear this guy is his doppelganger and I'm not complaining on little bit.


Nothing gets a girl back on her game faster than some first class shenanigans and a healthy dose of man candy. I may have some new scars but I've still got way too much self confidence to let that slow me down. And he doesn't seem to notice thanks to some tried and true distraction techniques.

Yep, I'm back!

And because I gave the girls a little something to look at today, I'll give the guys a hot video to take a gander at. These ladies enjoy themselves some wall action...and I'm not even joking. Happy SCF to all!





Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Everyone's Dealing with Something

Please, please...hold the applause. I've decided to put words together again, shoot them out on the interwebz, and see if that makes me feel any differently than when they were just rattling around in my head.

I'm not even sure when I posted last but I'm sure I'm not more impressive than  I was then so I would advise you to prepare yourself for more of the same. Whether that's good or bad, I'll let you decide.

I've spent the last little while learning a lot of big words I didn't ever want to know and having pieces of myself cut out and stitched back together and figuring how to to manage complete duality in my head while appearing perfectly normal on the outside. You know, just your normal everyday stuff in the land of Randy.

Here's what has become abundantly clear to me throughout the course of all of this fun: the people you choose to have in your life is one of the most important decisions you can make. Those people will become your link to the outside world, your source of laughter and stability, and in some cases, your ride to the hospital for your surgery early in the morning on Christmas Eve. Yeah, those people are important.

Choose the wrong people and they become the people who disappear when you really need them, offer hollow words via cold, impersonal methods, or show up when the dust has settled and you're back to your "normal" self and they can pretend nothing ever happened. Thanks for nothing, I say.

I have some quality time on the horizon with some people who I actually love and can count on. I'm looking forward to that with infinite excitement and look forward to the comfort of being in the presence of those that can simply take you as you are, scars and all. Those people are the ones that count.

Spend your time being kind and loving people well because the one thing that is for certain is that everyone is dealing with something.


Friday, August 16, 2013

"Soft-Core Friday": A Little Lazy & Narcissistic? I Have The Dating App For You!

Another SCF is upon us and not a moment too soon! I need a weekend my friends!

But before I shuttle off for cocktails and witty banter with another (hopefully) quality suitor, I wanted to take a minute and let you all know about a fairly new "dating" app called Tinder. Now I use the air quotes around the word dating because really, it's a stretch to call it a dating site.

Allow me to explain. The Tinder app is a lazy person's dream. To create a profile, all you have to do is is put in your Facebook log on, it pulls over your name, age, and up to 5 pictures that you can choose to display on your Tinder profile. Viola'! That's all there is to setting up a profile. You do have the option to add a description or tell potential dates a little about yourself but really, who needs to know anything about someone they might hook up with?

And unlike other pesky dating sites that make you take a personality quiz or checklist a detailed set of criteria that describes who you are looking for, Tinder makes it easy. You choose if you're looking for male or female, set your radius that you want you potential dates to be in proximity to you, and your preferred age range of profiles returned. That's it. No really, that's all the filtering criteria you can select. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Once your profile is set up and your 3 available filtering criteria chosen,  the fun really begins. The hook with Tinder is that you literally face no chance of rejection initially. Profiles appear and as quickly as you can swipe your finger left to reject someone or right to choose them, the next profile pops up for you to swipe to the winner or losers column.

The person doesn't know that you have right swiped them as a potential match until or unless they also right swipe you and then you get a little fanfare that you're a match and are prompted to start a conversation with that person to get the ball rolling. Should your hearts desire not find you to their liking and you get the dreaded left swipe, you are none the wiser leaving your fragile ego intact.

In theory, this sounds like a great idea. However, I know of people who will literally spend hours swiping hotties just to see how many have already selected them. It's validation in the worst way and does little else than inflate the already healthy egos of those that are on Tinder for sport.

It's not a bad way to kill a little time though when you are waiting in the doctor's office, stuck in stand still traffic, or having trouble falling asleep at night though I must admit. The sport aspect of "if I right swipe him, has he already right swiped me?" and the little "Booyaa!" moment of validation when you instantly get the celebratory clinking together of your profile pictures as Tinder announces there is mutual interest is a bit of a pick me up. Who doesn't want to feel wanted once in a while?

I've yet to determine the overall intentions of the majority of current Tinder users but I don't get the feeling that it's quite as skanky as a full on hook up site, nor is it quite as legit as an in-depth dating site either. To it's credit, I have gone out with a guy I "bumped in to" on Tinder and he was a solid guy and the date went well so I can't completely bag on it. But that was one out of 40+ matches in the short time I have been on. Most chat for a while with no real intention of actually meeting up or more times than not, it guys that are in town for a short period of time and are looking to entertain themselves with the local flavor while they are here.

I would venture to say that 90% of my single friends are on Tinder currently, which makes it a little awkward when you keep seeing people you know pop up to be swiped left or right. You don't want to left swipe them to oblivion because you are friends but you don't want to right swipe, find out you matched, and then have that awkward recognition and celebratory profile pic clinking moment either. It's a delicate dance I tell ya!

I approach my time on Tinder like I have my time on all the dating sites I have been on, with a mix of cautious optimism and morbid curiosity. If you're single and looking, give Tinder a try. If you're bored and curious, try it out as well. If you're looking for your soul mate, you may want to look elsewhere.




Monday, August 12, 2013

Pre Season Fun - Football On Your Phone

It's back! Football season! I've been waiting all year for this. Not only does it signal the beginning of my favorite season, but it gives me plenty of weekend entertainment to look forward to for the next 5 months or so.

And what could be better to kick off football season with than a little bit of ridiculousness from the Manning brothers? Now, I'm still a little sad that Peyton broke up with me and moved to Denver but I'm willing to be the bigger person and give him some props for this hilarious video.

Are you ready for some football?!? Apparently you can have football in your pants now. At least that's what the video says.  Well done DirecTV, you get my vote for best commercial.